How does everyone deal with the social pressure to eat while eating out?

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I went out for dinner for the first time with my husband last night. I ordered Soup and ate about 3/4 cup. The server asked me if everything was ok? With concern. I assured him it was delicious and prayed the owner did not also come and do the same. It was a flashback to 10 years ago when I was first dating my husband and I had a lap band and waiters would do the same thing. It was embarrassing because it happened on almost every date. My husband would probably have never noticed it had everyone else not kept pointing it out.

How do you handle this?

Do just what you did.

Smile and say, "no, thank you."

Practice these phrases:

"It was delicious."

"No, thank you."

"Can you bring me a box when you get a chance."

"I have had plenty."

"Everything is great."

"May I have ____ (vegetable, salad, etc.) instead?"

It gets easier.

[aking5253 12]

I got a card when I left the hospital that explains I had weight loss surgery please allow me to order from the smaller portion menu (kids, seniors, early diner, lunch sized) this has made life easier for me. I have not had any issues with it.

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[alicephipps@gmail.com 35]

I agree with everyone who has been a server if you are in that industry you want your customers happy and sure you want great tips but bottom line is customer service comes first.

You don't have to tell your history but just like many people have said order a to go box when you order.Its not uncommon to do that.

Allie

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[Djmohr 6,965]

This can sometimes be uncomfortable so i totally get it. The good news is, it won't always be like this, you will learn tips and tricks to help deal with it.

The worst for me was I went on a VIP cruise that was all expenses paid. With it came huge cocktail parties and team dinners. At the time i was only 6 months post op and maybe ate 1/2 cup of food at a time.

I would only order something small and usually could only eat a bit or two and I would be full. When you are on a cruise they really worry about whether or not you liked something. Whats worse is my hubby was always taught to eat everything on his plate. That is a problem for me even now because he will eat, what i don't and he is gaining weight with that approach.

Do i have learned to be up front and let them know I am a very small eater and will likely need a to go container. Then i find myself actually packing up most of my food before i even eat it.

Also, I order off the appetizer menu or split food with hubby just to avoid him eating my food and his.

You will get the hang of it and over time you will be able to eat a little more.

[losergrl75 277]

I simply reply " Oh yes, everything was great. I'm stuffed." Nothing more. Nothing less. No need to over explain.

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[Travelher 915]

This can sometimes be uncomfortable so i totally get it. The good news is, it won't always be like this, you will learn tips and tricks to help deal with it.

The worst for me was I went on a VIP cruise that was all expenses paid. With it came huge cocktail parties and team dinners. At the time i was only 6 months post op and maybe ate 1/2 cup of food at a time.

I would only order something small and usually could only eat a bit or two and I would be full. When you are on a cruise they really worry about whether or not you liked something. Whats worse is my hubby was always taught to eat everything on his plate. That is a problem for me even now because he will eat, what i don't and he is gaining weight with that approach.

Do i have learned to be up front and let them know I am a very small eater and will likely need a to go container. Then i find myself actually packing up most of my food before i even eat it.

Also, I order off the appetizer menu or split food with hubby just to avoid him eating my food and his.

You will get the hang of it and over time you will be able to eat a little more.

The split food option works well for my husband and I except now because I'm on soft food still. But not an option for single first time dates post surgery as I was the last time. Though would make an interesting post date story I'm sure I'd someone did that. we were at our usual favourite restaurants...so I'd totally be fine telling them about the surgery so it is a non issue going forward...but I'm an. Oversharer. I know lots of people on here are more discrete so I'm sure the ideas are helpful....

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@Travelher

Well you just had surgery, so I guess that is why this is an issue.

I go on dates and eat out all the time and no one notices how I eat at a year out. So just give it time.

[Torressl1234 6]

My Dr actually gave me a card to take to restaurants stating that I am his bariatric patient and would appreciate a child size portion of the meal I order. Which as long as you don't mind people knowing that it's a great resource as you also get charged for a child's portion. Maybe your dr could do something like that for you.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

The people who own and work in restaurants are there to make money. They don’t appreciate people who take up their seats and their time and don’t spend enough money.

They would rather have someone order a $40.00 meal and leave an $8.00 tip than someone who orders a $3.00 bowl of Soup and leaves a fifty cent tip.

They don’t care that you can’t eat more. When I go to a restaurant, I order a full meal and a takeout box. I tip generously. I usually have enough leftovers for three more meals, but I don’t make the business owner and waitstaff suffer because of my inability to control my eating without surgery.

I never eat in sit down restaurants alone, so whether I am there or not with my $5 meal, the waitstaff is still going to serve my group and the table is still going to be occupied. I don't feel obligated to order a full meal or order XX amount of dollars. That said, I generally tip as if I'd ordered an average meal on the menu if the service is good.

I know several restaurant owners and they'd appalled if their servers showed the attitude you describe.

[trekker954 421]

Unfortunately most child's menu offer chicken fingers, burgers and hot dogs.

I did use the card at a Chinese buffet. $5 instead of 10. Most times I feel too cheap and embarrassing to use it.

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[LipstickLady 25,682]

I simply reply " Oh yes, everything was great. I'm stuffed." Nothing more. Nothing less. No need to over explain.

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This.

[stacyrg2 350]

I live in Los Angeles where people follow different diets and have different eating habits. I'm 2.5 years post op and haven't had a server comment on my order. Not one. I haven't had a single person comment on how much I've eaten. I've never had anyone ask if I was sure I didn't want a drink with my meal or if I didn't like the food. Not one server has blinked an eye. Just lucky, I guess.

[stacyrg2 350]

@@MaryCatherine There is no way in this world I'm going to be pressured by servers or management in a restaurant for ordering what I want. If it's a $4 cup of Soup, so be it. There is no sign in the door of any restaurant I frequent that has a minimum order. I order what I want, when I want. I pay and tip generously. If the restaurant doesn't like it, they can feel free to ask me to leave. My guess is, in today's day and age, they're happy to have customers.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@Travelher, seems to me that you're making too much of it.

The question isn't about you as much as it is whether the kitchen is doing a good job. I've been in restaurants and had chefs come out to my table to ask if everything is all right. Yes, I say, it's wonderful (only good restaurants ask here; I don't know about chains anywhere) -- I love the contrast of textures, flavors or whatever the case may be. I go on to explain that I ordered more than I can eat at one time and will take my leftovers home. It's always true.

The other thing I notice is your mention of your first dates with your now-husband. Okay, you told him 10 years ago about your surgery and he married you anyway. He has seen you through a second bariatric surgery. So what's the problem? Why dredge up dead news?

[losergrl75 277]

I live in Los Angeles where people follow different diets and have different eating habits. I'm 2.5 years post op and haven't had a server comment on my order. Not one. I haven't had a single person comment on how much I've eaten. I've never had anyone ask if I was sure I didn't want a drink with my meal or if I didn't like the food. Not one server has blinked an eye. Just lucky, I guess.

I live in the Midwest and everyone here is something -- hi protein/lo carb, Paleo, Keto,

I live in Los Angeles where people follow different diets and have different eating habits. I'm 2.5 years post op and haven't had a server comment on my order. Not one. I haven't had a single person comment on how much I've eaten. I've never had anyone ask if I was sure I didn't want a drink with my meal or if I didn't like the food. Not one server has blinked an eye. Just lucky, I guess.

I live in the Midwest and everyone here is something -- hi protein/lo carb, Paleo, keto, whole foods etc. I haven't had anyone blink an eye when I order/eat.

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