I love my 24 year old daughter. She is smart, funny, loving, successful et.al. But she has her parent's gene's. I had the advantage of being in the military when I was her age, and her mom didn't get really overweight until after kids. But she ballooned up in middle school and never has gotten her weight under control. I suspect WLS could be a huge benefit, yet she has not brought up the subject to me and I don't really want to start the conversation either. Any suggestions? (BTW, 3/4's of my kids have kept their weight within reason, it's just my oldest daughter who really has the problem, and I think it was because of some serious stress issues at the wrong moment in her life).

Thanks for the input. She is settling down in her new job and staying with me a few weeks during the transition. I can pay for it if she wants to have it. She is kind of surprised by how little I eat. But she knows where I was, and where I am now. I'll keep the ball in her court. I thought that just being a good dad was the best course, but glad to get the insight from others (esp. the ladies).

You could use this opportunity of her staying with you to discuss stories of people on the forum that may resonate with her. I think if my Mom mentioned fertility issues being resolved with WLS to me at that age or how unlikely it is to keep weight off even if I lost it on my own - I would have been more apt to listen without giving her my middle finger behind her back. Tell her about the woman on BP who waited too long to have WLS that her PCOS and associated obesity prevented her from having children (me).

If she just started a new job - she probably can't get time off for surgery anytime soon but maybe she can start looking into it.

@@higher

Fair enought, though you're a much bigger (figuratively speaking lol) person than I and a lot of people who have had to deal with family members unwanted comments about thier weight. You're obviously the type that was motivated by it, and that's okay, too. I just sometimes wonder if parents comments and 'concern' for their children's weight stems more from their desire to control and not from a true place of love?

I dunno. It's not an easy subject to tackle.

Oh for sure. Not easy at all.

My mom had surgery 5 years ago and I went with her to her meetings and had wanted me to do it with her. I chose not to but after watching how successful she was and seeing that she wasn't having significant issues and lived normally I decided to look into it more. Your daughter will see your success and will come to her own conclusion when she's ready.

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it seems a lot of people have been hurt by these kinds of conversations. So at the end of it I would say it is going to depend on your relationship with your daughter. I knew my Dad loved me - I mean head over heels, unreasonably NUTS for his daughters - come what may, no matter if I made the "right" or "wrong" choice - no matter my weight or how I looked. I am sure that is not true for everyone.

I come from a family where just about every topic has always been discussed, and health issues are no exception. love and acceptance is guaranteed and best intentions are assumed. I would guess that is not always true for everyone and I know how fortunate I am.

let us know how you get on with this. I am certainly encouraging of more people looking into and having this surgery. It has changed my life!

I love my 24 year old daughter. She is smart, funny, loving, successful et.al. But she has her parent's gene's. I had the advantage of being in the military when I was her age, and her mom didn't get really overweight until after kids. But she ballooned up in middle school and never has gotten her weight under control. I suspect WLS could be a huge benefit, yet she has not brought up the subject to me and I don't really want to start the conversation either. Any suggestions? (BTW, 3/4's of my kids have kept their weight within reason, it's just my oldest daughter who really has the problem, and I think it was because of some serious stress issues at the wrong moment in her life).

I watched a lot of shows with my girls. Eventually someone gave an opinion and that sparked a conversation.

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@@OKCPirate I agree with @@LipstickLady - you don't tell her! Let her decide to pursue WLS or not. She may have PCOS if the weight coincided with puberty. Stress will really mess with her hormones and can cause weight gain. Although she's probably a great candidate for WLS - it's not something anyone wants to hear from a parent.

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Yes, I'm being lazy... atm - I keep reading this, but what is PCOS?

@ Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

@ Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

Thank you!

I am a 21-yr-old female who is 2 weeks post op. I didn't think of anything like the sleeve until my mom brought it to my attention.

My mom works in recovery at a weight loss surgical center, which was where I had my surgery. She had seen countless patients come out of this procedure and recover. She met surgeons and doctors and patients and nurses who all saw, operated on, recovered from, and cared for those of us who had gastric surgeries.

I have struggled with my weight for years. Constantly gaining, rarely losing, and consistently working, fighting, and trying for weight loss that I could never achieve.

My mom sat me down and told me that she knows how hard I have tried and worked to change my weight. She gave recognition to my efforts, and also to my struggles, acknowledging that I was frustrated and had lost hope of losing weight or getting it under control. Then she told me about her experiences and what she saw and what she knows. Then she asked me if I'd like to look into that and see what it would be like (to which I replied yes). After that she told me that she would be there to support me through my entire journey. Doctor appointments, pre op dieting, the surgery, initial recovery, post op dieting, exercise, everything. And she has followed through and kept her word to a T.

I can say from personal experience, bringing it about to your daughter in the same way my mom brought it to mine, if you feel the need to bring it to her attention, could help you. But I can definitely say that encouragement, acknowledgement of her struggles and efforts, and support regardless of her decision are definitely important to maintaining a stable relationship and successfully communicating to her that you'd only be mentioning the suggestion out of concern, love, and longing for your daughter's healthy life and future.

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Edited August 25, 20169 yr by Taylor C

I wish my parents were more supportive...

When I was 19 my doctor suggested it and my mom totally disagreed with him. I was 290lbs then.... Fast forward and I blew up to 420 my highest... Went thru years of depression and anxiety and just hiding I'm my room... Always hungey. I think it made my mom feel better knowing I was heavier than her... Her little confidence booster.

I did lose some weight... 70lbs on my own... But never got under 330lbs with diet and exercise.

At age 32 I started my journey at 370lbs and I'm down to 320lbs so far.

She looks at me with a look in her eyes that screams "who the hell do you think you are" while saying things like, *your not skinny YET? "

My point is, people are people before they are anything to you... And if your intentions are for her betterment then I believe it would be received that way.

You don't have to suggest it... Just take her under you wing as you lose weight yourself. Inspire her to be better and she will.

I wish my parents were more supportive.

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I wish my parents were more supportive...

When I was 19 my doctor suggested it and my mom totally disagreed with him. I was 290lbs then.... Fast forward and I blew up to 420 my highest... Went thru years of depression and anxiety and just hiding I'm my room... Always hungey. I think it made my mom feel better knowing I was heavier than her... Her little confidence booster.

I did lose some weight... 70lbs on my own... But never got under 330lbs with diet and exercise.

At age 32 I started my journey at 370lbs and I'm down to 320lbs so far.

She looks at me with a look in her eyes that screams "who the hell do you think you are" while saying things like, *your not skinny YET? "

My point is, people are people before they are anything to you... And if your intentions are for her betterment then I believe it would be received that way.

You don't have to suggest it... Just take her under you wing as you lose weight yourself. Inspire her to be better and she will.

I wish my parents were more supportive.

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Christ, I would have kicked her ass to the curb long ago.

Family is who you choose to have in your life, not those who are there by accident of birth. Your mother is not treating you like family.

"When all is said and done, usually more has been said than done. "

Maybe I'm the outcast here, but I wish my parents brought this up with me years ago.

They tried in their own way to get me to lose weight, like buy me clothes that were too big and say I'd "grow into them" (in my 20's, there was no "growth" happening), or receiving a food scale and a weight watchers book for Christmas, but no knowledge on what this meant or how to use this. I wish I was taught what a healthy lifestyle was, and what all of my viable options were. I wish they ate the goddamn broccoli WITH me instead of only making me eat the broccoli.

I'm only 28, so I'm relatively young still, but I do have the nagging thought that I wish I had sought this out even sooner. I think if my folks knew I was seeking WLS, they'd see me as "giving up" or going "the easy way out". But that's just my messed up family, lol.

Best of luck to you and your daughter. I know when I was a teen if someone casually mentioned something in a conversation, sometimes I'd think about that thing and come to my own conclusions. Maybe if you mention "Oh, so-and-so got WLS and they are doing so well", it might get the gears turning in her head? IDK, maybe she just doesn't think it's an option for her. I know I didn't until three months ago!

I wish they ate the goddamn broccoli WITH me instead of only making me eat the broccoli.

Yes, yes, yes. As a parent, it is so important to be a role model. Kids are watching, and when you say one thing and do another it's very difficult.

Although I have been morbidly obese most of my adult life, we did try and model reasonably good eating habits - always had veggies, fruit and reasonably healthy Proteins for dinner. Granted we also had plenty of refined carbs. And plenty of unhealthy dinners out, pizza, etc.

As of now, my children are very healthy weights (at 12 and 19). That being said, I STILL suffer a lot of guilt for not setting them up with better life long habits. Not eating even better, not controlling my weight better, not teaching them more about good nutrition, etc. I do not want them to EVER have to go through what I have.

Such is the burden of being a parent I guess. You do your best, and still second guess much of what you do!

Maybe I'm the outcast here, but I wish my parents brought this up with me years ago.

They tried in their own way to get me to lose weight, like buy me clothes that were too big and say I'd "grow into them" (in my 20's, there was no "growth" happening), or receiving a food scale and a weight watchers book for Christmas, but no knowledge on what this meant or how to use this. I wish I was taught what a healthy lifestyle was, and what all of my viable options were. I wish they ate the goddamn broccoli WITH me instead of only making me eat the broccoli.

This is incredibly mean of your parents. :-( I thought my mother buying me clothes that were too small was cruel (and I think she thought they'd fit) - but this tops it! I congratulate you on taking steps to improve your health!!!

@@OKCPirate,

I tend to agree that there’s probably not much you should do. Your daughter is still quite young. She may still believe (and possibly be right) that she can do it herself without surgery. Or maybe it hasn’t yet occurred to her, but it will once she gets too bothered about her weight.

The only reason I can really think of why you might bring it up would be if you think that for some reason she doesn’t feel comfortable bringing up the subject with you. For example, if you two don’t have much of an open communication relationship. Or maybe if you think she may think that you will not believe in her ability to succeed, she might be scared to approach the topic. Even then, I would think twice about talking to her about it.

Good luck! I know it is hard for you to watch, given how much you love her and how much you appreciate your own surgery.