Hi ladies and gentlemen I'm going threw problems with my man Cuz of my up coming surgery. He keeps pushing me away and keeps accusing me of going to leave him after I get my surgery and become skinny. He doesn't respect at all and tells me I'm a stupid b!$th and that I ain't gonna find a man that will take me with loose skin. He also says that just Cuz I'm gonna lose weight it done an I'm a become beautiful. I'm just so hurt that I've been with him for almost 6yrs and we have a child together. I'm scared to lose my family, but I need to do what's right for me and my son. Please if there is anybody who has gone through what I'm going threw or want to help me threw this please? I could really use some advice.????????????????

Asiangurl1

My dear

Your mate is insecure and is projecting onto you. If you need this surgery to save your life and be here for your child perhaps help him to see that it so you can be here for him too, but name calling and put downs never encourage or build anyone up in fact the more he puts you down the more success you are going to have, so he may want to stop it with the insecurities and give you a reason to stay with him. It's been said you catch more flies with honey well maybe you need to remind him of this so he can change his tone. I wish you luck and I am here for you, trust me I have been through it all and now my husband and i am excited about my pending surgery and all of the fun we are going to have with or without the extra skin.

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Is he freaking out enough to marry you after 6 years?!! Sorry that you are going through this...

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Is he freaking out enough to marry you after 6 years?!! Sorry that you are going through this...

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Not married and don't plan on to. Not after all that he is doing to me

Asiangurl1

That guy is an insecure douche. It will only get worse roll out

You deserve so much better. Abuse is never ok. Abuse is not Love!!!, i am 58, i can tell you from past experience. Its not worth sticking around , because of kids, you can do this!!! you can make it with out hus sorry abusive ass!!! God Bless You!!!

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Amen!

A real man would be supportive. Shouldn't he be happy you want to get healthy and look good for him, instead of acting like an immature boy.

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Admanda

I hope the support you receive from this site is enough to keep you encouraged, in the mean time I would suggest that you seek out a qualified and licenced therapist to hear your concerns. It could make a huge difference in your being successful in your surgery goals.

As far as your other half, he has some decisions to make about the relationship because he what he is doing is a form of abuse, and being abused never helped anyone achieve anything. Because the abuser is often a weak minded individual who preys on those weaker than themselves after have broken the other persons spirit.

Keep your chin up and stay in contact with the group.

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Thank you everyone u guys have been so helpful and I'm staying positive because of all of you. I'm getting my plans put together so after my surgery I can put it in motion. Right now I have no where to go and just started my job so I don't have enough time to show for a steady income. As soon as I get get my plans fully together im out with my son. I told him if he doesn't seek help, change and see Im hurt because of his abuse that me and my son is gone for good because I really deserve better. Thanks all of u guys and please keep me in your prayers for a safe surgery, recovery and safety of my son!

Asiangurl1

You're going to be fine.

F' that!! You're going to be BETTER than ever once you move on. He's SO going to miss out on you and your boy. That said, he doesn't deserve you.

Best!!

I'm so proud of you for making a plan! That shows strength. When he realizes you are are strong and serious about getting out my guess is the apologizing and guilt trips will follow. Don't fall for it!

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@@Admanda

Darling, many women have written about their husbands and boyfriends being afraid of being left behind once they've lost weight. Never has anyone written about a husband or boyfriend being as ugly about it as you have. Your guy is mean-spirited from every angle and you may never have noticed it before. The things he is saying to you are threatening and meant to make you feel worthless. He wants you to believe no one would want you and that you have nothing going for you. He's trying to beat down your spirit so that you'll be an obedient puppy.

If his only problem is insecurity that you'll leave him, then you and he would have something you could work on together. But when a partner is beating on your heart and soul, he's only an animal.

You said you want to do what is best for you and your son. Those are the two things that matter most. Part of what's best for both of you is having a home for your boy where his mother is respected. For your son to grow up in a household where he sees his mother being so deeply disrespected is very likely to teach him to treat women the same way when he grows up.

Make a good life for yourself and your child. Take time to rediscover who you are as an individual in the world, as a woman who can hold her head high and feel good about herself. It's scary, but, when the time is right -- after you have time to become your own friend -- you'll attract a respectable, respectful, stand-up man.

P.S. I just saw your last note (post #25) and am so glad you're taking this seriously to the point of working on a plan. It's too bad that you can't stay with family until you can pull things together. I hope a solution comes your way sooner than you think. Maybe you and your son can share a place with another mother and child?

Edited August 16, 20169 yr by WLSResources/ClothingExch

Girlie, I don't know you, I will keep you in my thoughts as you go through this journey. This is a great community that is incredibly supportive. Your partner may not support you, but I hope you have other people in your life that do. And if not, there are hundreds of others on this message board who will jump at the opportunity to give advice and listen to your woes. It sounds like your partner is insecure about himself and that is why he is bringing you down.

I know you and your son will do just fine. You're taking initiative now by removing him from this negative environment. Kids don't need to grow up in a world where their parents berate one another. Best of luck to you.

That is emotional abuse. Staying together for the family can hurt you and your child. Think about what your son is learning by watching you two

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My husband has joked a few times about "WLS divorce" and has had a couple of moments where he's even admitted that he's scared I will get more attention and find someone better and leave him. 13 years of ups and downs and a really strong relationship and he still brings it up... so it's definitely a fear that our partners can have even in the healthiest of relationships. Having said though, I agree with some of the other comments on here - if your partner truly isn't like this on a normal basis, it's probably just really really strong insecurities manifesting themselves in the worst way. If he's been like this already and it's just getting worse now that you're doing something positive for yourself,

@@Admanda you really DO deserve better, and your son deserves a good male role model, and a healthy example of what a relationship should be and how both parties should be treated respectfully. I'm glad that you're working to get everything together so that after surgery you can make that move. You'll find lots of support here. All the love and hugs and positivity to you...