Hi ladies and gentlemen I'm going threw problems with my man Cuz of my up coming surgery. He keeps pushing me away and keeps accusing me of going to leave him after I get my surgery and become skinny. He doesn't respect at all and tells me I'm a stupid b!$th and that I ain't gonna find a man that will take me with loose skin. He also says that just Cuz I'm gonna lose weight it done an I'm a become beautiful. I'm just so hurt that I've been with him for almost 6yrs and we have a child together. I'm scared to lose my family, but I need to do what's right for me and my son. Please if there is anybody who has gone through what I'm going threw or want to help me threw this please? I could really use some advice.????????????????

Asiangurl1

That's BS. He's putting you down because he's scared you are going to gain confidence and decide you are worth more than his garbage.

I don't know if he's normally a decent guy, and just being a jerk now. If he's typically a jerk, you deserve better. If he's normally a good person, call him on his behavior. Tell him that you have no intention of leaving him, and just want to be healthy so you can be there for your family and future grandbabies (and whatever other reasons you have). Tell him this ugly behavior is beneath him, and you want the caring, supportive man you love back. You may want to consider couple's counseling.

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First off I'm really sorry you are going thru this. I have to say that I am all about keeping your family together but not in this case. You need people around you that are going to be supportive. He is not supportive and this is going to be one hell of a ride. You can't have that type of negativity in your life. I was in an abusive relationship in my teens/early 20s. He said some similar stuff to me but worse. He also threw things at me and once choked me when I was 7 months pregnant with our second child. Once as a "joke" he downloaded the uncensored photo of Nicole Simpson's murder and saved it as a screen saver on our computer for the next time I logged in (this was the mid 90s). I finally got up the courage and left him. It was the best thing I could have done for my kids and myself. You can do it alone. I know you can. You are about to embark on a life changing journey and maybe his insecurity is coming out because he knows he's not good enough for you. You and your son are more important than anything else. Put yourself first for a change. Love yourself.

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He is freaking out because of his own insecurity. I recommend a great book called boundaries by Townsend. Twenty pages in and you will learn that it's all him and not you.

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You do not deserve to be treated in this manner.

I highly recommend some couples counseling. He does not have permission to abuse you: verbally or physically, EVER.

If this is how he behaves under stress then either he needs help right now and/or you are better off without him.

@@Admanda Please be careful. If you or your son are in danger - please get help to safely leave the situation ASAP. This behavior is abusive.

Edited August 13, 20169 yr by KristenLe

Please get help for yourself and your son. You are being emotionally abused. Even worse, your son is WATCHING this abuse. As long as you continue to take it, your child is learning that treating a woman like this is ok and/or normal behavior.

You don't deserve this nor does he. Please, please, please don't continue to put up with this behavior.

Kristenle is right Pack a bag to get out quick to your local domestic violence shelter

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Lipstick said an incredibly important thing: your son is watching this abuse.

As long as you stay, there's nothing you can do to change what your son learns from the situation. There's no amount of talking or apologizing or explaining why your boyfriend was wrong that will change what your son learns.

Please get out for yourself, and for your son. Please don't let these lessons seep into the next generation.

Be safe and free.

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I don't give advice but I certainly will pray that you make the right decisions for your family and self. I'm sorry for what you are going through and if you are a believer, the Father will guide you through this. Best wishes on your surgery, your emotional well being, and your family.

Oh my!! I'm so sorry he is treating you this way. I personally believe you don't need to be with someone that doesn't encourage you to be the best you no matter what your size. You don't deserve to be treated that way.

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Even if you decided not to have the surgery your eyes have still been opened to what is in his heart. He has his own issues and with or without you he needs to get those resolved. Nothing you do or don't do with your life will fix his issues--that's on him. So the best thing you can do is take care of you. Also lean on (or find if you don't have) other supports in your life--those that genuinely care about your happiness.

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I'm sorry to hear that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. First things first, take care of you and your child. Focus on what you are going to do after your surgery and your support system on who can help. If you want to be Savage about it, than keep your baby daddy around until you can let him loose. Keep yourself at an emotional distance and do this one step at a time and with a strategic plan. We all need a reliable game plan to get through anything. Obviously you know that you deserve better so we don't have to go into great detail of how your child should not grow up around such negative influence. I have been through it and thought I deserved it. No way in hell does anyone deserve to be treated like crap! If you truly believe that you are worth more, than you will accomplish more by getting yourself out and away from such toxic energy. We are here to support you, but you make your own decisions.

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My surgery is scheduled for August 26. My husband also is giving grief. He even told the dr that he would eat hamburgers in front of me. He fussed him. I understand what you are going though. I am doing this for me. I refuse to let him hold me back. I am going to do this with or without him. On my preop diet now. And he is actually doing it with me. Prayers for you and know that you are not alone.

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Edited August 13, 20169 yr by annaauthement

Oh so sorry sweetie. Time to be a strong women and realize you are worth so much more than that. That isn't love in any way shape or form. Please dont let him destroy you or your child. You both deserve so much more. Make a clean break and get the negative out of your life before surgery. Surround yourself with supportive good people that will lift you up not tear you down. Life is way too short for that. You will always find support here. Start today...find the strength..you can do this!! Healthy supportive thoughts and encouragment sending your way. Nobody deserves that!!

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So sorry to hear this! Emotional & mental health are just as important as physical health. The same way you are shedding the pounds to get healthy, maybe you should shed him as well. Best of luck to you beautiful!

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