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Very emotional and need support

Admanda

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reducer623    137

reducer623
Posted

So sorry to hear this! Emotional & mental health are just as important as physical health. The same way you are shedding the pounds to get healthy, maybe you should shed him as well. Best of luck to you beautiful!

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fitworks    5

fitworks
Posted

My dear

Your mate is insecure and is projecting onto you. If you need this surgery to save your life and be here for your child perhaps help him to see that it so you can be here for him too, but name calling and put downs never encourage or build anyone up in fact the more he puts you down the more success you are going to have, so he may want to stop it with the insecurities and give you a reason to stay with him. It's been said you catch more flies with honey well maybe you need to remind him of this so he can change his tone. I wish you luck and I am here for you, trust me I have been through it all and now my husband and i am excited about my pending surgery and all of the fun we are going to have with or without the extra skin.

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Admanda    13

Admanda
Posted

Is he freaking out enough to marry you after 6 years?!! Sorry that you are going through this...

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Not married and don't plan on to. Not after all that he is doing to me

Asiangurl1

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joannct1    59

joannct1
Posted

You deserve so much better. Abuse is never ok. Abuse is not Love!!!, i am 58, i can tell you from past experience. Its not worth sticking around , because of kids, you can do this!!! you can make it with out hus sorry abusive ass!!! God Bless You!!!

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shotgun72000    30

shotgun72000
Posted

A real man would be supportive. Shouldn't he be happy you want to get healthy and look good for him, instead of acting like an immature boy.

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fitworks    5

fitworks
Posted

Admanda

I hope the support you receive from this site is enough to keep you encouraged, in the mean time I would suggest that you seek out a qualified and licenced therapist to hear your concerns. It could make a huge difference in your being successful in your surgery goals.

As far as your other half, he has some decisions to make about the relationship because he what he is doing is a form of abuse, and being abused never helped anyone achieve anything. Because the abuser is often a weak minded individual who preys on those weaker than themselves after have broken the other persons spirit.

Keep your chin up and stay in contact with the group.

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Admanda    13

Admanda
Posted

Thank you everyone u guys have been so helpful and I'm staying positive because of all of you. I'm getting my plans put together so after my surgery I can put it in motion. Right now I have no where to go and just started my job so I don't have enough time to show for a steady income. As soon as I get get my plans fully together im out with my son. I told him if he doesn't seek help, change and see Im hurt because of his abuse that me and my son is gone for good because I really deserve better. Thanks all of u guys and please keep me in your prayers for a safe surgery, recovery and safety of my son!

Asiangurl1

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lrmd    28

lrmd
Posted

I'm so proud of you for making a plan! That shows strength. When he realizes you are are strong and serious about getting out my guess is the apologizing and guilt trips will follow. Don't fall for it!

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WLSResources/ClothingExch    3,443

WLSResources/ClothingExch
Posted (edited)

@@Admanda

Darling, many women have written about their husbands and boyfriends being afraid of being left behind once they've lost weight. Never has anyone written about a husband or boyfriend being as ugly about it as you have. Your guy is mean-spirited from every angle and you may never have noticed it before. The things he is saying to you are threatening and meant to make you feel worthless. He wants you to believe no one would want you and that you have nothing going for you. He's trying to beat down your spirit so that you'll be an obedient puppy.

If his only problem is insecurity that you'll leave him, then you and he would have something you could work on together. But when a partner is beating on your heart and soul, he's only an animal.

You said you want to do what is best for you and your son. Those are the two things that matter most. Part of what's best for both of you is having a home for your boy where his mother is respected. For your son to grow up in a household where he sees his mother being so deeply disrespected is very likely to teach him to treat women the same way when he grows up.

Make a good life for yourself and your child. Take time to rediscover who you are as an individual in the world, as a woman who can hold her head high and feel good about herself. It's scary, but, when the time is right -- after you have time to become your own friend -- you'll attract a respectable, respectful, stand-up man.

P.S. I just saw your last note (post #25) and am so glad you're taking this seriously to the point of working on a plan. It's too bad that you can't stay with family until you can pull things together. I hope a solution comes your way sooner than you think. Maybe you and your son can share a place with another mother and child?

Edited by WLSResources/ClothingExch

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KaiserKid    81

KaiserKid
Posted

Girlie, I don't know you, I will keep you in my thoughts as you go through this journey. This is a great community that is incredibly supportive. Your partner may not support you, but I hope you have other people in your life that do. And if not, there are hundreds of others on this message board who will jump at the opportunity to give advice and listen to your woes. It sounds like your partner is insecure about himself and that is why he is bringing you down.

I know you and your son will do just fine. You're taking initiative now by removing him from this negative environment. Kids don't need to grow up in a world where their parents berate one another. Best of luck to you.

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lalala87    13

lalala87
Posted

That is emotional abuse. Staying together for the family can hurt you and your child. Think about what your son is learning by watching you two

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Go To Topic Listing PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A

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    • Aunty Mamo

      Aunty Mamo

      Iʻm roughly 6 weeks post-op this morning and have begun to feel like a normal human, with a normal human body again. I started introducing solid foods and pill forms of medications/supplements a couple of weeks ago and it's really amazing to eat meals with my family again, despite the fact that my portions are so much smaller than theirs. 
      I live on the island of Oʻahu and spend a lot of time in the water- for exercise, for play,  and for spiritual & mental health. The day I had my month out appointment with my surgeon, I packed all my gear in my truck, anticipating his permission to get back in the ocean. The minute I walked out of that hospital I drove straight to the shore and got in that water. Hallelujah! My appointment was at 10 am. I didn't get home until after 5 pm. 
      I'm down 31 pounds since the day of surgery and 47 since my pre-op diet began, with that typical week long stall occurring at three weeks. I'm really starting to see some changes lately- some of my clothing is too big, some fits again. The most drastic changes I notice however are in my face. I've also noticed my endurance and flexibility increasing. I was really starting to be held up physically, and I'm so grateful that I'm seeing that turn around in such short order. 
      My general disposition lately is hopeful and motivated. The only thing that bugs me on a daily basis still is the way those supplements make my house smell. So stink! But I just bought a smell proof bag online that other people use to put their pot in. My house doesn't stink anymore. 
       
      · 0 replies
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    • BeanitoDiego

      BeanitoDiego

      Oh yeah, something I wanted to rant about, a billing dispute that cropped up 3 months ago.
      Surgery was in August of 2023. A bill shows up for over $7,000 in January. WTF? I asks myself. I know that I jumped through all of the insurance hoops and verified this and triple checked that, as did the surgeon's office. All was set, and I paid all of the known costs before surgery.
      A looong story short, is that an assistant surgeon that was in the process of accepting money from my insurance company touched me while I was under anesthesia. That is what the bill was for. But hey, guess what? Some federal legislation was enacted last year to help patients out when they cannot consent to being touched by someone out of their insurance network. These types of bills fall under something called, "surprise billing," and you don't have to put up with it.
      https://www.cms.gov/nosurprises
      I had to make a lot of phone calls to both the surgeon's office and the insurance company and explain my rights and what the maximum out of pocket costs were that I could be liable for. Also had to remind them that it isn't my place to be taking care of all of this and that I was going to escalate things if they could not play nice with one another.
      Quick ending is that I don't have to pay that $7,000+. Advocate, advocate, advocate for yourself no matter how long it takes and learn more about this law if you are ever hit with a surprise bill.
      · 0 replies
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    • BeanitoDiego

      BeanitoDiego

      Some days I feel like an infiltrator... I'm participating in society as a "thin" person. They have no idea that I haven't always been one of them! 🤣
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • ChunkCat

      ChunkCat

      Thank you everyone for your well wishes! I totally forgot I wrote an update here... I'm one week post op today. I gained 15 lbs in water weight overnight because they had to give me tons of fluids to bring my BP up after surgery! I stayed one night in the hospital. Everything has been fine except I seem to have picked up a bug while I was there and I've been running a low grade fever, coughing, and a sore throat. So I've been hydrating well and sleeping a ton. So far the Covid tests are negative.
      I haven't been able to advance my diet past purees. Everything I eat other than tofu makes me choke and feels like trying to swallow rocks. They warned me it would get worse before it gets better, so lets hope this is all normal. I have my follow up on Monday so we'll see. Living on shakes and soup again is not fun. I had enough of them the first time!! LOL 
      · 0 replies
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    • BeanitoDiego

      BeanitoDiego

      Still purging all of the larger clothing. This morning, a shirt that I ADORED wearing ended up on top. Hard to let it go, but it was also hard to let go of those habits that also no longer serve my highest good. Onward and upward!
      · 0 replies
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