How did you decide who you were going to tell about your WLS? So far my husband knows (obviously), one of my best friends, and another really good friend. That's it. When I first made the decision to have the surgery I was sure I'd tell everyone, but now... I'm not sure. I keep going back and forth on who to tell. I have a couple friends locally that I'm considering telling since they'll know I'm having surgery (we're in a pagan group together so it's going to be obvious if I miss ritual for appointments and then for surgery) but I find I'm so nervous. I'll also be telling my birth mom since she also had WLS in the past and I know she'll be supportive. Not sure about my half-brother and half-sister though, though I believe at least my sister was supportive of my mom's surgery. So many factors to consider. Argh!

How did you decide?

Deleted - really was TMI... Though I do still wish I hadn't told my roommate.

Edited June 30, 201610 yr by Raenh

I'm not sure I agree with the "no right or wrong answer" comment.

I think telling everyone is fine if that's your thing.

I chose to tell 6 family members and I wish I had either told everyone or just my wife.

I was very successful and went from 281 to 185 in about 6 months. The change is startling and everyone asks me "how did you do it?"

The "wrong" in my choice is now I'm lying all the time to my closest friends.

The other wrong was telling my 93 year old mother. I know she told at least 4 other people and doubt she stressed the importance of secrecy.

So, now I live in a world where I'm forced to lie every time someone asks (which is still daily) and know that someone out there knows I'm lying.

This was the wrong way to handle it.

I can understand your point... i did feel like that initially.... but the further down the track you get... the less people notice.... by year 4 my new size became my normal so people finally stopped commenting.

I wouldn't call it lying... its just you are choosing not to share everything, for example.... we don't share our bowel movements with our friends, if we are constipated and take a laxative... does that mean we are cheating... absolutely not... how is this any different? There is a problem and we are addressing the issue.... which we need to not feel guilty about. We are not obligated to share everything with our friends.. especially the inner workings of our body... unless you want to... its a personal choice

Thank you all for the different perspectives. I agree it's a personal decision for each person but hearing how different people came to their decisions is very helpful.

I'm starting to see the questioning die down which is great. I don't feel like it's a total lie unless they ask me outright "did you have surgery?"

What's weird has been that the 4 people who asked directly are people I barely know and certainly not close friends (and I have over a hundred close friends)...

I'm still preop, surgery is 1 week away and I still haven't told a soul except my medical team and this message board.

I thought I would have told a family member or close friend by now but I haven't yet. Not sure what I'll end up doing.

For what it's worth, I'd tell no one and take the 2 months it takes "to show" to consider telling everyone or no one...

I'm not sure I agree with the "no right or wrong answer" comment.

I think telling everyone is fine if that's your thing.

I chose to tell 6 family members and I wish I had either told everyone or just my wife.

I was very successful and went from 281 to 185 in about 6 months. The change is startling and everyone asks me "how did you do it?"

The "wrong" in my choice is now I'm lying all the time to my closest friends.

The other wrong was telling my 93 year old mother. I know she told at least 4 other people and doubt she stressed the importance of secrecy.

So, now I live in a world where I'm forced to lie every time someone asks (which is still daily) and know that someone out there knows I'm lying.

This was the wrong way to handle it.

Do you feel your lying if you were to say, "I've cut way back, I watch my sugar and carb intake and eat a lot of protein"

I struggled with the issue of possibly feeling like if could be lying too but came to the conclusion to be honest about how I'm eating....if for its someone seriously wanting to know because they also have struggled, I think I would be discrete and tell them about the surgery

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Pup I would do the same, if obese friend asks I will tell them everything. But telling my tale will be limited to friends. I am not telling the obese check out girl at Walmart that I don't know. Strange thing is most people i know are normal weight.

I'm still preop, surgery is 1 week away and I still haven't told a soul except my medical team and this message board.

I thought I would have told a family member or close friend by now but I haven't yet. Not sure what I'll end up doing.

Lol didn't tell my husband for 3 months until I was 100% sure I wanted to do it! There is no rush considering how long the pre op period is. But I think we all need a support system. Whether it is 4 people like me or or you tell everyone you are going to need support.

Lol didn't tell my husband for 3 months until I was 100% sure I wanted to do it! There is no rush considering how long the pre op period is. But I think we all need a support system. Whether it is 4 people like me or or you tell everyone you are going to need support.

Please don't misunderstand -- no criticism here at all.

But how in the world did you manage not to tell your husband about your WLS? Did he even know you'd been in hospital?

Inquiring minds want to know.

When I was pre-op, I would tell some random people and they'd give me this face like, "oh no, why?"

My mother had gastric bypass many years ago and my father had the lap band done several months ago. So it's kind of running in the family here. As for the rest of my family, I haven't told them.

I'll be seeing friends and family on the 4th of July, so I'll see how this all goes down. I don't think I'll be hiding it at all. So it'll be interesting to see some responses.

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Lol didn't tell my husband for 3 months until I was 100% sure I wanted to do it! There is no rush considering how long the pre op period is. But I think we all need a support system. Whether it is 4 people like me or or you tell everyone you are going to need support.

Please don't misunderstand -- no criticism here at all.

But how in the world did you manage not to tell your husband about your WLS? Did he even know you'd been in hospital?

Inquiring minds want to know.

I didn't tell him about my initial consultation. Mine was a 7 month process... So I told him about 3 months before. As soon I was sure I wanted the WLS I told him. I was very matter of fact and said here is what I am doing and he was surprisingly supportive. That shocked me because he is usually very un easy with change. I guess he wanted the old me back as much as I did! Whether It is a few close friends or everyone you know.... Support is so important.

I know...I will need support. I just haven't figured out yet who I want to get that support from. And as you all know, you can't "untell" people. So I'm waiting and will still think about it. I have 6 days until surgery. And if I don't figure it out beforehand I can always tell after.

I'm only sharing it with the person that recommended it to me. A very close friend. I kind of hinted to my mom about the surgery, to see how she would react and it was terrible. So when I do have my surgery and start losing weight, ppl will wonder and ask. My response will be, I've changed my eating habits and I workout 6 hrs a day.

Since, my friend doesn't live in the area, I plan on using a taxi or uber to get to and from the hospital.

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Because I know some of my extended family are butt heads I am keeping it to limited people. My wife, my MIL, my mom, my stepdad, a couple close friends. That's it. People already have enough ammunition without you handing them extra.

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@@WitchySar,

It’s definitely your decision. It depends on your own level of comfort and on how you think your own friends, family, and acquaintances (if you’re even considering telling people like coworkers) will react.

For me, I have always been quite open about my surgery. In part, it is because I am lucky – I was confident that my family and friends would be supportive or at least neutral, and I was right. In part, though, it’s because telling people made it more real. I felt more committed when I was open about it. Even if telling people didn’t necessarily mean they would know how to help or how to help me keep on track, at least it made me feel that I couldn’t fail because it would be embarrassing.

It's really up to you. Think about things like how much pressure you’d expect to feel from even innocently intended comments, and how you would be able to handle it if people said things like, “you’ve only lost XXX lbs. by now?!” or “I can’t believe you’re eating XXX after WLS!” If you don’t tell anyone about your WLS, you won’t have to risk hearing those comments.

Good luck with your decision and your surgery!