This was the question my husband asked me today. I was telling him how excited I was to start over in life. To feel good about myself. I go to bed every night feeling so unhappy with myself. I avoid old friends and struggle with finding clothes to wear I have made excuses not to see people..it's so sad that I have lost friendships and avoided people. My husband and I go out together and love to eat and drink wine together, He loves food and a good bottle of wine. He loves when I am silly. He is afraid I am going to be skinny but no fun..lol I think I am going to be happier in life. How relationship with your significant other changed?

Of course you are still going to be fun! Probably more fun, and more confident and more happy.

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Think of it this way -

If, right now, you're as much fun as, say, a night at the circus, then after the weight loss, you'll be like a night at the circus followed by three days at Disneyland, a free pass to EVERYTHING at the fair and a day just hanging out with little horses (the second happiest thing in the world!!)...

Yeah...

You'll still be fun...

So, the words you are using to describe yourself right now include "unhappy with myself," "avoid old friends," "struggle," "excuses," "sad," and "lost friendships" -- and somehow your husband thinks you will be *less* fun? I can't imagine that! You'll have so much more energy and enthusiasm for life (after you get past the post-op recovery phase of course). Fun doesn't mean eating and drinking, it means talking and laughing with your loved ones, enjoying their company, and venturing out to new adventures and old friends. It means being truly happy in your own skin and sharing that happiness and confidence with those around you. I think you know that -- hopefully your husband gets on board soon!

"Fun" is not defined by how much you eat and drink.

But if that's how you and your husband have defined "fun" (even if only partly defined it that way), you're going to have the opportunity for some interesting discussions in the coming year.

You'll be losing your weight, not your sense of humor, my friend.

If your hubby is serious about his concerns, talk your WLS through with him---until he understands 199% and then some.

Spousal support is SO important. It sounds like you two are a "fun" couple. Wonderful!

Prayers going up for a future overflowing with----fun.

Your idea of "fun" may have been what got you to 220 pounds, no?

There's other ways to have fun together. Some even involve exercise. (Sex. I'm talking about sex).

Oooo interesting topic. So that's a good question to me too...CAN you drink after the sleeve? and if so...how long until you can consume alcohol?

well. I am a hormonal roller coaster in the past early months, so not sure how much *fun* that was for the man, but he's used to me anyway. maybe it was fun sometimes.

our relationship has not really changed but some things are easier, and more fun being together as I get increasingly healthier. (the sex is a lot more fun as the weight comes off)

he may just have a designated driver - but if you two endeavor to work together you can adapt and change so that your marriage is better than it was before. I find 9/10ths of a happy marriage is being flexible, extending grace and forgiving each other.

Thanks everyone I guess he is thinking we won't be sharing that part of our life together anymore. He asked if I was still going to cook for him too! I told him better healthier foods. I feel bad because I have made up so many excuses in my life not to go places Even faked being sick. How horrible. We have always had fun together. He doesn't know the extent of my unhappiness. I now fun isn't defined by how much you eat and drink but sharing food and wine together is fun.

Kindafamiliar you are hilarious..you make me laugh out loud!

Your idea of "fun" may have been what got you to 220 pounds, no?

There's other ways to have fun together. Some even involve exercise. (Sex. I'm talking about sex)

Actually what go me to 220 is compulsive eating from stress and then being uhappy with myself....such a vicious cycle I have made for myself.

I like thinking of other ways to have more fun together

@@Sarellen5 My SO and I also spend a lot of time at restaurants/bars, etc. At some point, you'll be able to do that again - you'll just be eating differently / drinking differently. There are alot of restaurants that have options that you'll be able to have once you are out a few months. You'll be able to find other things to enjoy that isn't focused on food. Just keep in mind - you are having the surgery - your husband isn't - so don't get upset if he continues to eat/drink as he does now. Communicate with each other!

Your idea of "fun" may have been what got you to 220 pounds, no?

There's other ways to have fun together. Some even involve exercise. (Sex. I'm talking about sex).

Now if that doesn't get your husband on-board, nothing will!

Thanks everyone I guess he is thinking we won't be sharing that part of our life together anymore. He asked if I was still going to cook for him too! I told him better healthier foods. I feel bad because I have made up so many excuses in my life not to go places Even faked being sick. How horrible. We have always had fun together. He doesn't know the extent of my unhappiness. I now fun isn't defined by how much you eat and drink but sharing food and wine together is fun.

Kindafamiliar you are hilarious..you make me laugh out loud!

He's scared. That's normal. Obviously you guys have a great relationship, because he's scared it will change. You just tell him although things may change a bit, it will all be for the better. He's going to love the happier, healthier, maybe even sexier (I'm sure you're already quite sexy) you!

I did not feel much like cooking the first two weeks. I had cooked and froze some meals ahead of time to cover that immediate post op period.

once I got on soft foods it has not bothered me to cook for my husband or my family - so I think it's probably pretty safe to say you will be back to that sooner rather than later.

I don't have much interest in baking yet at 4 months, I love to bake, and I reckon my interest will come back further down the road, but he's been ok with holding off on that.

Your idea of "fun" may have been what got you to 220 pounds, no?

There's other ways to have fun together. Some even involve exercise. (Sex. I'm talking about sex)

Actually what go me to 220 is compulsive eating from stress and then being uhappy with myself....such a vicious cycle I have made for myself.

I like thinking of other ways to have more fun together

I am a stress cleaner, so I can highly recommend that as an alternative.

@ christinamo7:

I never could bake.

Are you telling me that if I just wait for a wee bit longer, I'll be able to bake????

Wow! who knew???

Wow you are all great! I am excited to start this new part of my life. I would love to be a stress cleaner...lol

I am looking forward to so many new adventures and changes! I am a little anxious about the unknown but trying to prepare myself as much as possible. I love this board. THANK YOU!