sorry for the ranting again, just need to get it off my chest

My soon to be ex husband is moving in with his parents in the summer so he is packing up our apartment. Every day I have been asking him what day he is free so I can come over to help and to get the rest of my stuff and he says he's busy. He has commitments to renaisance fair rehersal and he has gaming nights. He gets super mad if I tell him to skip one of those things he does for fun so he can do an adult thing like pack, or if I say I'm just going to go over when he's not there. One saturday evening he sends me a text that says I'm free right now come over and help...it was like 8 at night and I said no. So now he keeps giving me grief for not helping.

The only reason I still want to help him pack is that I still have some things there that I want to take but more importantly in the few months that I have not been living here he has totally trashed that apartment. It is gross. I don't think he has cleaned the bathroom once since I left and there are piles of crap every where. I'm now worried that not only are we not going to get our deposit back but that we will get charges for damages and he is going to push that I pay half...which I will refuse to pay but its going to be such a pain in the butt

I can't wait until this whole thing is over

if anyone ever finds themselves in a similar situation...take a bunch of pictures before you leave. Right now I'm wishing I had taken pictures of the clean apartment when I moved out so he stops insisting that it was this bad when I left

Sorry this is so frustrating.

If it were me I would stop asking and start telling....

"I know you are usually free on Sunday's so I will be there from 1:00-4:00pm on Sunday to pack up my stuff."

See you then!

Good luck .....divorce is never easy

Sorry this is so frustrating.

If it were me I would stop asking and start telling....

"I know you are usually free on Sunday's so I will be there from 1:00-4:00pm on Sunday to pack up my stuff."

See you then!

Good luck .....divorce is never easy

That's what I started doing. this week I told him I will be there on these days whether you are there or not

@@Sophie74656 I think it's great that you come here and vent. I wish I had a place to vent when I was going through my divorce.

I also want to say that you are being awfully nice to your "ex". I would go there when he is out and take what you want that's yours and leave the rest of it to him. Chalk it up to half the deposit that would go to you being lost and as far as damages the only one living there is him and he's responsible. You can prove you live else where and that should be good enough. He can try to blame you...but if your not there it couldn't be you.

If he has changed the locks and you want your stuff call the police they will let you in and they can also document the "mess" that's there when you come in so nothing can be blamed on you.

Good luck I hope it all works out well for you.

My advice to you is....

1) if you haven't already, contact the landlord to let them know what has happened and when you moved out.

2) Girl go get your stuff and forget the rest. Especially the helping him pack. I totally get the financial worries, but the sooner you cut your ties, the sooner you are able to move forward.

Money does add strain, but your mental health is far more important!!!

YOU GOT THIS!!!

Edited May 23, 201610 yr by Andrea72

You are a much better person than I would be given the circumstances. Why are you being so "nice" to this man? He obviously wants you to be miserable, and he obviously doesn't care. Why should you? Go get your stuff like everyone else has said, I would contact the landlord and update him on the situation as well. BE done with this already! You don't need all this stress. He is not in control; you are! Let him see that! If he still feels like he is controlling you, he gets all the satisfaction he needs. Obviously he couldn't control your decision to have WLS, don't let him have control over any part of your life from here on out!

thanks guys, I need to keep getting the kick in the butt. After 12 years with him I can't help but want to be nice to him. I know it needs to stop. I have everything I wanted except for 2 photo albums a crochet blanket my mom made and some dishes my grandma gave us that she brought from russia. But in the end I know these are just things...not worth my mental health over.

I think you're better off just going, informing the landlord of the before/after situation, and grabbing those few things you want. I hope you haven't tipped your hand telling him what you want, because he's being a petty jerk and will probably hide them on you. I'd just go in, grab your items, and get out ASAP. If you can get your hands on these items, you can be in and out in under 10 minutes.

so... um... what ren fest is he rehearsing for? cause I'd really think I could get a few tomatoes... rotten ones btw... and well *smiles sweetly*

so... um... what ren fest is he rehearsing for? cause I'd really think I could get a few tomatoes... rotten ones btw... and well *smiles sweetly*

well if you're in New Jersey

*cough* njrenfaire.com *cough*

Next Year! - I'll be gettin' ready for surgery this year

contact the local police and have them to escort you. They will try and arrange for "him" to be there, but if "he" is not available repeatedly, the police will simply escort you, witness what you take and how the place looks.

Easy, peasy . In and out with any undo stress and/or discord.

I realize that this is heart retching, but having a police escort is really the quietest, calmest and most stress free way to go.

Prayers going up for you.