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Sex drive

TimJM

By TimJM, in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums

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TimJM    7

TimJM
Posted

I was sleeved on April 25th. So far including pre op I have lost 37lbs. My sex drive has increased but my wife's has not. I try not to take it personally but it is frustrating. Has this happened to anyone else?

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fernandfj    469

fernandfj
Posted

As you lose weight quickly, the testosterone and other hormones stored in your fat gets released as well and increased sex drive (and aggression and anger) happen. Lots of great threads about the wondrous effects of WLS in sex drive and performance! Here's one - http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/219760-sex-oh-my-god-sex/

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Christinamo7    4,041

Christinamo7
Posted

when we have time, we are tired. when we don't have time we are itching for each other. or the teenagers are in the way. we both have plenty of 'want to', but it is usually my husband who is the one saying, not tonight babe. so I understand, it is *very* hard not to take it personally, and I hope you two can find some middle ground to a frequency you can both be satisfied with.

I hope she understands that you have probably got a hormone issue going on, and some compassionate availability would be much appreciated, because I think it is important to value your spouse's needs as highly as your own, whether that need be for comfort, pleasure or rest.

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Miss Mac    6,261

Miss Mac
Posted

Yeah, don't take it personally, especially if the rest of you marriage companionship is running well. I doubt that very many unions even have perfectly matched desire to begin with. You can find that balance without everyone getting bent out of shape.

The sexiest thing a man can do to get a woman's engine running is to help her with the housework and kiss her on the nape of her neck.

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TimJM    7

TimJM
Posted

Miss Mac I already do that. Yesterday when she came home The house was all clean and dinner ready for her and the 2 sons that live with us (I'm still on week 3 poast op liquids). Today all laundry is done including sheets. I work from home most days so I already do all of that, including yard work.

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BigTink2LilTink    723

BigTink2LilTink
Posted

In the Males only section there is a thread talking about this and how we as men release stored testosterone from our fat cells as we are rapidly losing weight. So yeah expect the sex drive to increase. Hell I wasn't even a full two week out from surgery and I was craving sex like there was no tomorrow.

I was sleeved on April 25th. So far including pre op I have lost 37lbs. My sex drive has increased but my wife's has not. I try not to take it personally but it is frustrating. Has this happened to anyone else?

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KristenLe    5,979

KristenLe
Posted (edited)

Miss Mac I already do that. Yesterday when she came home The house was all clean and dinner ready for her and the 2 sons that live with us (I'm still on week 3 poast op liquids). Today all laundry is done including sheets. I work from home most days so I already do all of that, including yard work.

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@@TimJM Did you initiate sex or talk to her about it? The reason I ask is that I avoid discussing it with my BF. He may be interested and doesn't think I am - or I am and he isn't (I'm kind of afraid to find out). I have no clue because we don't talk about it. (Working on that issue in therapy too! Lol)

Edited by KristenLe

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Lgr3    35

Lgr3
Posted

Gotta make the time and perhaps do a getaway for you as a couple! Talk to her ask what she would think to stay in a hotel for the weekend.....

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TimJM    7

TimJM
Posted

Yeah, don't take it personally, especially if the rest of you marriage companionship is running well. I doubt that very many unions even have perfectly matched desire to begin with. You can find that balance without everyone getting bent out of shape.

The sexiest thing a man can do to get a woman's engine running is to help her with the housework and kiss her on the nape of her neck.

I do that already. ???? Monday house was all cleaned and dinner ready when she got home. Yesterday all laundry (including hers) all done including sheets. I work from home mostly so I have the flexibility to do this.

Gotta make the time and perhaps do a getaway for you as a couple! Talk to her ask what she would think to stay in a hotel for the weekend.....

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Sent from my SM-N920P using the BariatricPal App

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TimJM    7

TimJM
Posted

Yeah, don't take it personally, especially if the rest of you marriage companionship is running well. I doubt that very many unions even have perfectly matched desire to begin with. You can find that balance without everyone getting bent out of shape.

The sexiest thing a man can do to get a woman's engine running is to help her with the housework and kiss her on the nape of her neck.

I do that already. ???? Monday house was all cleaned and dinner ready when she got home. Yesterday all laundry (including hers) all done including sheets. I work from home mostly so I have the flexibility to do this.

Gotta make the time and perhaps do a getaway for you as a couple! Talk to her ask what she would think to stay in a hotel for the weekend.....

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I talked well texted her about us having a date soon. She is in corporate sales and has business lunches with clients often. Today she was having lunch at a steakhouse with her boss after an appointment. I told her he is a lucky man and I envy him because he more "dates" with her than I do. We have older sons out of the house and a 5 year old. Finding a babysitter that doesn't cost a fortune is rare nowadays.

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Justaprettyface    45

Justaprettyface
Posted

Maybe she's resentful. Did she want you to have this surgery? Was she supportive?

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TimJM    7

TimJM
Posted

Maybe she's resentful. Did she want you to have this surgery? Was she supportive?

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Oh yes she is very supportive. She had the gastric bypass in 01. She is blaming it on low energy. She is going to see her gastro doc about her Crohn's in a couple of weeks. Last year she went to her Gynecologist about low libido. (She used to have a very high libido) She thought it might be hormones. Blood work came back all normal. Her doc asked us when was the last time we took a shower together? His point that it is not her hormones but in her mind. He told her sometimes we lose focus of what is important and our marriage is the most and it takes effort and sex is important in a marriage. When she is in the mood she is in the mood, but it just has come longer and longer between. I know ahe said when I was heavier it was difficult because we were limited as oppose to when before I gained the weight 5 years ago. Now I have lost weight and ready to be like we were before. Hopefully it will get there.

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Dub    9,922

Dub
Posted

I was sleeved on April 25th. So far including pre op I have lost 37lbs. My sex drive has increased but my wife's has not. I try not to take it personally but it is frustrating. Has this happened to anyone else?

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Don't feel bad, man.

I'd lost around 120 lbs by last New Years Eve.

No action from wife of 23 years.

It was well into the new year before any action was forthcoming.

I quit asking for it. I figured she'd come around when she did.....or she wouldn't.

She finally did.....and when she did.............it finally occurred to me that the issues were mainly hers....not mine. I wasn't the one who was the roadblock. Good stuff to know.

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Lgr3    35

Lgr3
Posted

@ TimJm I work from home as well as iOS Tech support agent and I cook, clean, do all the supportive things that can be done already but we have a 19,16, and 3yr so carving that time out is very important! My surgeon sent a nurse gone with you or to a hotel for the 1st 24hrs to monitor you! My wife helped take care of me with no complaints and she really loved the hotel I booked, which is saying a lot considering she worked for Marriott for several years. I got sleeved on 4/8 and checked out 3 days later to give her a break from the kids? 4/24 was her Bday so I checked us back in there for the night and I was moving around very well and she enjoyed herself without the headache of being a Mom for 24 hrs! My advice is simple....change the venue and cut out the monotony! # JS

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