So I've been overweight since I was a child, and lets just say I'm not used to guys looking at me - at least without thinking that it was just because I was overweight or they were disgusted. But now I feel like a lot of guys are looking at me in the gym and I have no clue if its because I'm attractive, I have sweat marks on my clothes (gross but it is the gym... lol), or whatever reason I come up with (such as my butt is too big) .

I get that a lot of my problem is with my self image, but how do I know if its because they find me attractive, or for a whole other reason. I'm just very inexperienced with male attention and how to react to it Guys, what is your input on this? Ladies, have you dealt with this before? Any advice is appreciated!

And its not like I'm wearing anything revealing, at least not in my opinion.

Haha, I feel you, OP. I've always had male friends because we shared common interests (sci-fi, nerd culture, video games, I make chain male/battle armor for costuming purposes, 80's action movie addict). So I've always been very comfortable chit-chatting with guys, and because I was well on my way to 400 lbs, those conversations were only ever based on genuine mutual interest with ZERO romantic/sexual overtone.

Now, I'm having to recalibrate my perspective because these random conversations sometimes end up going in directions I'm not used to. I feel like I can't read people at all! I've been accused of flirting/leading people on for having the same friendly conversations I always have. Bro, I thought you were sincerely interested in leatherwork and bbq recipes. I didn't know engaging in small talk about hobbies meant I was giving you the green light to grope me! Yeesh.

@@BarrySue I understand that, except for the guys approaching me part lol Obviously that comes along with the whole eye contact thing I'm not used to the flirting either. I never know what to say in reply

@@steph, it is an adjustment. And generally I am looking at myself in the mirror focused on pushing out whatever reps or intervals etc. But today I noticed more than any other day how many guys are paying attention, and making eye contact in the mirror.

It really is distracting...not saying it is bad...to have guys lingering, looking, etc. I was mid squat and this guy just leaned against the wall and watched for 3 sets of 15 weighted squats. I mean do you know how hard it is to continue to do squats when you are busy looking at the hard bodies, who have now stopped to look at you. I mean gosh...rude LOL not really best set of squats I ever pushed out.

@M!@ Haha yeah it can ruin a good set for sure! Its especially bad when I'm trying something I've never attempted before or something that is awkward feeling to me (like reverse or side lunges). But since I'm guilty of people watching too I guess I can't complain lol

I was mid squat and this guy just leaned against the wall and watched for 3 sets of 15 weighted squats.

In all seriousness; that is not only rude, but it's f_cking creepy as hell. I'd have got up in his face to find out what his issue is. Good looking man/woman doesn't excuse it either. When I say I check someone out, it's a simple up and down look and then back to what I was doing. I don't go to the gym to make friends or pick up chicks. Of course, my wife would have my head if I tried to pick up women...

I was mid squat and this guy just leaned against the wall and watched for 3 sets of 15 weighted squats.

In all seriousness; that is not only rude, but it's f_cking creepy as hell. I'd have got up in his face to find out what his issue is. Good looking man/woman doesn't excuse it either. When I say I check someone out, it's a simple up and down look and then back to what I was doing. I don't go to the gym to make friends or pick up chicks. Of course, my wife would have my head if I tried to pick up women...

LOL yes, rude, and creepy-but only because I knew he was watching. No ruder or creepier than the one who gets on the machine next to you every time you move and watch forever through the mirror or pretend they aren't watching. And he wasn't close enough to have me that worried to begin with. But yes, had he leaned against the wall right next to me or even approached me after his stalking session, I may have felt differently.

I have had guys try and hit on me at the gym regardless of my weight. A lot of those meathead, bodybuilder guys love fluffy chicks and they will be all over a big girl in the gym.

Then some guys in the gym like to see any female in the gym trying.

Then some guys are watching you to make sure you aren't doing anything wrong and they are willing to offer advice.

@@BarrySue I understand that, except for the guys approaching me part lol Obviously that comes along with the whole eye contact thing I'm not used to the flirting either. I never know what to say in reply

Things are really changing.

Physical changes lead confidence growth.

The attention is going to escalate. You have to have a plan for how to deal with it.

One thing you can do in the meantime is to keep your earbuds in place and do your thing. They work like magic in that capacity.

I was mid squat and this guy just leaned against the wall and watched for 3 sets of 15 weighted squats.

In all seriousness; that is not only rude, but it's f_cking creepy as hell. I'd have got up in his face to find out what his issue is. Good looking man/woman doesn't excuse it either. When I say I check someone out, it's a simple up and down look and then back to what I was doing. I don't go to the gym to make friends or pick up chicks. Of course, my wife would have my head if I tried to pick up women...

LOL yes, rude, and creepy-but only because I knew he was watching. No ruder or creepier than the one who gets on the machine next to you every time you move and watch forever through the mirror or pretend they aren't watching. And he wasn't close enough to have me that worried to begin with. But yes, had he leaned against the wall right next to me or even approached me after his stalking session, I may have felt differently.

There are some creepsters among the denizens of the gym. It can sometimes be a superficial place with superficial aspirations towards hitting girls up.

Some are just there to work on themselves and get free from life's stresses for an hour or two.

It should become easier in time to distinguish who is who.

Yea, I understand! I get that sometimes.. I'm only used to seeing people I'm with getting checked out.. I really like the attention too.

Things are really changing.

Physical changes lead confidence growth.

The attention is going to escalate. You have to have a plan for how to deal with it.

One thing you can do in the meantime is to keep your earbuds in place and do your thing. They work like magic in that capacity.

There are some creepsters among the denizens of the gym. It can sometimes be a superficial place with superficial aspirations towards hitting girls up.

Some are just there to work on themselves and get free from life's stresses for an hour or two.

It should become easier in time to distinguish who is who.

So maybe that's why I haven't had anyone approach me and talk with me, I always have my headphones in. I can't stand to workout without music.

As far as the creepers at the gym, I have dealt with one before. It makes it worse that I workout at night after I get off work, but I went and bought pepper spray. He was just being weird by walking too close behind me when I was using the cable weights, and then just staring at me while I was doing my seated rows. I was like why can't you just stare using the mirror like everyone else?!?! Or from farther away? lol

Things are really changing.

Physical changes lead confidence growth.

The attention is going to escalate. You have to have a plan for how to deal with it.

One thing you can do in the meantime is to keep your earbuds in place and do your thing. They work like magic in that capacity.

There are some creepsters among the denizens of the gym. It can sometimes be a superficial place with superficial aspirations towards hitting girls up.

Some are just there to work on themselves and get free from life's stresses for an hour or two.

It should become easier in time to distinguish who is who.

So maybe that's why I haven't had anyone approach me and talk with me, I always have my headphones in. I can't stand to workout without music.

As far as the creepers at the gym, I have dealt with one before. It makes it worse that I workout at night after I get off work, but I went and bought pepper spray. He was just being weird by walking too close behind me when I was using the cable weights, and then just staring at me while I was doing my seated rows. I was like why can't you just stare using the mirror like everyone else?!?! Or from farther away? lol

Dipshyts don't possess the basic communication skills or courage to simply say hello and open up a conversation.....instead he creeps around.

Some of the absolute weirdest folks I've encountered were at the two Gold's Gym I used to go to. My current gym seems to have a much smaller population of freaky types. Everyone just seems to be motivated to the nth degree and doing their thing.

Total agreement about the music being a must-have as we get our work done. I'm an ironic sort, too....my iTunes is loaded with some vastly differing types of tunes. At home and in the car I'm a country-southern rock-classic rock kind of guy. In the gym.....it's metal and rap. Strange mix of iTunes. It's what I need to get me through the day, though.

Love good music.

I have made friends with the regulars at my gym. The older guys keep the young guy's in check. (Oh to be young and full of testosterone ). When we get an influx of new people..(usually after new years) We have each others back when we get a creeper.

The eye candy is a great motivator to get to the gym. The other motivator is to identify these types 0f people at the gym.

The Creeping Gym Creeper

Workout goal(s): be surrounded by spandex
Post-workout ritual: re-applying cologne, asking if you come here often
Wants to know: if you need a spot

. The Barely-Moving Ellipti-Reader

Workout goal(s): improve GPA, crush to-do list
Post-workout ritual: finals
Favorite time to work out: reading week

The Couple on a Fitness Date

Workout goal(s): get more quality time with their boo
Post-workout ritual: sipping a single Protein shake from two straws
Wedding guests, please save the following date: leg day

The Toughest Man You’ve Ever Seen

Workout goal(s): establish dominance
Post-workout ritual: wrestle a grizzly bear
All: blood, sweat. No: tears

The Mansplainer

Workout goal(s): explain to you how you’re doing that wrong, little lady
Post-workout ritual: approaching women mid-workout to tell them they’d be prettier if they smiled
Catch phrase: “Actually, sweetie…”

9. The Photo Documentarian

Workout goal(s): get ripped, show self getting ripped
Post-workout ritual: Choosing filters and captions
Favorite hashtags: #sickabs #nofilter #sunsoutgunsout

11. The running newbie

Workout goal(s): get in shape, improve cardiovascular fitness, finish the 5K they were pressured into signing up for
Post-workout ritual: swearing anew to never run again
Motivational phrase: “Make it stop.”

@@jenn1 Your post wins the award for most awesome reply! That was fantastic and I especially loved the "wrestle a grizzly bear" part! I laughed way too hard while reading this.

So...

Why aren't I getting hit on at the gym??

Everyone else is!!!

@@KindaFamiliar I haven't actually been hit on, unless you count the weird guy acting creepy lol You may be getting looks and just not notice it