I'm about 9 months post op and almost 20 pounds below goal. I should be happy with myself and feel beautiful, no?

No.

So, I was never the fat girl who got told, "But you have such a pretty face!" I chalked it up to the fact that my face is the first place I gain weight, and at my heaviest I looked really bloated in my face.

As I lost weight, I guess I was thinking that I might end up being pretty. But if anything, all my facial flaws that were once covered in a layer of fat are now exposed. I feel like now I'm a "butter face"... or worse, a deflated former fat girl with a jiggly stomach, droopy butt, AND an ugly face.

I look at pictures of myself and insteading of finding pride in how I look now, I just find new things to pick apart. I've started looking up facial plastic surgery procedures (not that I'd ever have the money to do it) to see if I can be "fixed"--my eyes are really asymmetrical (one is smaller and more closed-looking than the other), the distance between my nose and upper lip is too great and makes me look monkey-like, my lower face is too large gives me this uneven lopsided look, my nose is big and bumpy... and on and on.

Has anyone else felt like this?

And before anyone suggests it--yes, I'm already in therapy! :/

Edited March 21, 201610 yr by lauraellen80

I just realized that this thread was in the powder room. I apologize @@lauraellen80, I should have paid attention. I know that I did not post anything offensive, but you came here for a feminine POV and I intruded.

Yeah, I know it is a couple days late; but I felt it the right thing to do. Apologies again.

Thanks for the kind words and the insightful thoughts, everyone. I've posted before about how I was a ballet dancer growing up, which skewed my perception in weird ways. I have definitely internalized a lot of negative ideas about my appearance, femininity, etc. over the years. And now that I'm putting more time and effort into clothes and make-up, I'm spending a lot more time in front of the mirror these days.

Like I said in an earlier reply, I have a lot of fodder for my next therapy session!

if i were to critique anything.... Loss the black stockings... go for no stockings at all.... you look like you have great legs. Loss those since-able shoes.... get your self some cute heel strappy ones....

Oh, I normally would have worn more fun shoes (I have some really cute red wedges that'd look great with this dress) and in warmer weather gone sans tights, but this was actually take when I was dressed to go to the funeral of an acquaintance (I had my husband take the pic to show my mom the dress, which I'd just gotten), so I thought red shoes might be inappropriate!

It's hard to go through these changes and make adjustments. The last time I was a "normal" weight was more than 20 years ago. What will I look like when I get there? not the same as I did 20 years ago, I can count on that. But I hope the years, and the family, and the road I've traveled will make me more beautiful, even if I look a lot older.

Ah, yes... when I think about it, the last time I was at this weight was 20 years ago when I was 15 years old. It really isn't fair to myself to compare to how I looked as a dewy teenager (who even then thought she was fat and ugly, honestly).

Edited March 24, 201610 yr by lauraellen80

I just realized that this thread was in the powder room. I apologize @@lauraellen80, I should have paid attention. I know that I did not post anything offensive, but you came here for a feminine POV and I intruded.

Yeah, I know it is a couple days late; but I felt it the right thing to do. Apologies again.

No worries, @@BigViffer! I actually wasn't sure where to put the topic, but because this sort of issue seems to affect women more so than men, this is where I ended up posting it.

After reading your post, I was expecting some horribly disfigured face, then I saw your picture....?

You're very pretty. I do understand where you're coming from though. I have done NOTHING but pick myself apart since I've lost the weight. It is getting better as time goes by. I think someone hit the nail on the head...we go from focusing so much on the negativity of being obese, it shifts to other things once we aren't obese anymore. Sad, actually.

It's REALLY fun when you're older, too. You see every wrinkle, every crinkle, every sagging body part.

Good times.

This is a very appropriate place to use affirmations. Especially when you look at yourself in the mirror.

Start with a simple: "I am beautiful."

I am on the run so will come back with more later. I am sure others have examples.

This is a very appropriate place to use affirmations. Especially when you look at yourself in the mirror.

Start with a simple: "I am beautiful."

I am on the run so will come back with more later. I am sure others have examples.

I've had therapists work with me on affirmations, and I struggle with it. I'm too cynical... the best thing I've been able to manage is "I'm not a total a-hole, I guess."

Edited March 24, 201610 yr by lauraellen80

This is a very appropriate place to use affirmations. Especially when you look at yourself in the mirror.

Start with a simple: "I am beautiful."

I am on the run so will come back with more later. I am sure others have examples.

I've had therapists work with me on affirmations, and I struggle with it. I'm too cynical... the best thing I've been able to manage is "I'm not a total a-hole, I guess."

Except that for it to work you can't phrase an affirmation in the negative. Your brain ignores the NOT, so what you are reinforcing is that "I am a total a-hole." Don't do that to yourself.

"I am beautiful..."

It's working already!!!

Honey your gorgeous! Look again, like your looking at a dear friend...which u should be to yourself...but all I see is a gorgeous woman standing there. Our faces are changing, I have experienced some anxiety over how my face is changing, cause I was one of those fast girls who everybody said "you have such a pretty face" ands now my face is more angular and sharp, with all these fine wrinkles popping out. But it's an adjustment, wait until the skin tightens more, use makeup to help with what u see that the rest of us don't....and do chat with a councilor...cause I'm serious you're gorgeous.

This is a very appropriate place to use affirmations. Especially when you look at yourself in the mirror.

Start with a simple: "I am beautiful."

I am on the run so will come back with more later. I am sure others have examples.

Get a pad of paper and write the following seventy-times-seven (I don't know why, but that "biblical" amount sounds like a good number for this): I am beautiful.

Look at yourself in the mirror, directly in the eye, and say, out loud: I am beautiful.

Practice until it no longer feels awkward.

Some other good affirmations you might find helpful:

Some more:

Wait a minute... is this a picture of you?

At first I thought you were fishing for compliments, but by the time I finished reading your post I looked at your profile. When I saw this picture, I realized you didn't have the slack-jaw coupled with a sloping forehead and knuckle dragging posture indicative of the typical mouth-breathing social media addicts that can only find approval from strangers telling them how pretty they are.

From a man that has nothing to gain from a compliment given to a young lady, let me reassure you that you are attractive. Very attractive. I believe the in the vernacular of today it would be safe to classify you as hottie. I would have called you a babe 20 years ago!

I think y@@VSGAnn2014 nailed it when she said you may be experiencing dysmorphia. The face and body you see in the mirror is not what you expect and it "feels" wrong, perhaps even alien. And what we perceive to be wrong or different is usually interpret to be a negative. You just keep doing what you are doing, because whatever that is; it is working!

You're gorgeous. I think he's right, your perception of yourself is failing you!! It's the same as when we lose 20kgs and still feel like we look the same. It's in our heads. I can't see a single thing about you deserving of that criticism why not try a make over? Go for something totally different and give yourself a chance to love you without constantly seeing parts of you that you hate? I know when I cut my hair off it was freeing.

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You have high cheek bones... nice full lips... clear complexion...i would kill for that figure...take care of yourself.

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LauraEllen it is terrible you feel this way about yourself. We are all made different so we can contribute our individuality to the world.

When I look at your picture I do not see a ugly girl. I see a beautiful woman who for reasons only known to herself is still searching for her center.

I too use to make fun of my facial features. Being of mixed heritage it is difficult to see similarities with my parents. It troubled me amongst other things for many years. I use to remark on how large my eyes were, or my connecting eyebrows. But my biggest hiccup was my lips. When I sit without a smile I have a natural frown.

It took an artist friend of mine who took semi-professional of me to have me realize I am unique. My eyes, my nose my lips were fine for my face.

Now s/p surgery 03/04 I am still on a nj tube because I am unable to keep fluids down. I have already lost 27 lbs from 2/27 (preoperative diet).

However when I look in the mirror I too see the slimming face and smaller thighs. But apart of me misses those cheeks.

Truth is many like myself have hid behind our weight. Allowing us to be ignored in some fashion. We have adjusted into adulthood with the "ok" feeling that we would not be 1st desired in the room.

But we have done something about and we are trying to improve our lives.

I want to stress to you. Your inner peace will immediately reflect on your face. Come to admire your eyes, your mouth, your everything. Because in the end no matter how many friends, boyfriends, husbands are around shouting encouragment. We individually must believe in our selves.

Your beautiful Chica... and because of the vulnerability of your words - it shows your equally beautiful on the inside.

Just know your not alone in this battle

- Caridad

Caridad M.

LauraEllen it is terrible you feel this way about yourself. We are all made different so we can contribute our individuality to the world.

When I look at your picture I do not see a ugly girl. I see a beautiful woman who for reasons only known to herself is still searching for her center.

I too use to make fun of my facial features. Being of mixed heritage it is difficult to see similarities with my parents. It troubled me amongst other things for many years. I use to remark on how large my eyes were, or my connecting eyebrows. But my biggest hiccup was my lips. When I sit without a smile I have a natural frown.

It took an artist friend of mine who took semi-professional of me to have me realize I am unique. My eyes, my nose my lips were fine for my face.

Now s/p surgery 03/04 I am still on a nj tube because I am unable to keep fluids down. I have already lost 27 lbs from 2/27 (preoperative diet).

However when I look in the mirror I too see the slimming face and smaller thighs. But apart of me misses those cheeks.

Truth is many like myself have hid behind our weight. Allowing us to be ignored in some fashion. We have adjusted into adulthood with the "ok" feeling that we would not be 1st desired in the room.

But we have done something about and we are trying to improve our lives.

I want to stress to you. Your inner peace will immediately reflect on your face. Come to admire your eyes, your mouth, your everything. Because in the end no matter how many friends, boyfriends, husbands are around shouting encouragment. We individually must believe in our selves.

Your beautiful Chica... and because of the vulnerability of your words - it shows your equally beautiful on the inside.

Just know your not alone in this battle

- Caridad

Caridad M.

Wow... you encouraged me too, and I don't I have a prob with my facial features... thx.

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