Do People Treat You Differently Now?

[Kindle 8,667]

I don't perceive being treated differently at all. I interact with my friends, family and coworkers exactly the same. My clients have always respected me and been friendly, so no change there, either. I don't get asked out on dates anymore than when I was fat. (Thank goodness). Maybe I'm oblivious but I don't see a difference with salesmen, store clerks, or strangers on the street. I've always had a strong confident personality so perhaps that overpowered any potential fat shaming issues.

On the other hand, it could be that the community I live in is so much more accepting and less judgemental than what I read about on here. I was very open about telling people about my surgery and I did not get any negative feedback. Literally hundreds of friends, acquaintances and clients expressed well wishes and support. They ask about how I feel, not comment on how I look. People here see and accept you based on your actions, not what you look like or what you wear. Unfortunately I think too many others on here live in a mean world. I used to as well, where people were less gracious, self serving and sought to feel better about themselves by belittling others. I'm just utterly thankful that I found a tiny piece of the world that still has good old redneck, conservative, old fashioned values and kindness is a way of life.

[toastedink 115]

Yes people treat me differently but I don't think it's all external...

• My energy level is higher,
• I'm less self conscious which frees up more areas in my brain to observe others, and people want to be around people who want to talk about them
• My confidence is higher, which is very attractive (until it approaches Trump levels)
• My happiness level is much higher

I don't know which came first, my changes, or people recognizing the weight loss but to me these both work together. If you do the work on the inside as well as out you will enjoy the change more.

Yes people treat me differently but I don't think it's all external...

• My energy level is higher,
• I'm less self conscious which frees up more areas in my brain to observe others, and people want to be around people who want to talk about them
• My confidence is higher, which is very attractive (until it approaches Trump levels)
• My happiness level is much higher

I don't know which came first, my changes, or people recognizing the weight loss but to me these both work together. If you do the work on the inside as well as out you will enjoy the change more.

This. All of this.

I am treated differently but I think it's because I feel different about myself. I always had a lot of confidence when I was larger, but now I feel more comfortable in my own skin - and it's noticeable.

[Alex Brecher 10,494]

Wow, quite a few have experienced changes in the way others treat you after weight loss! I’m not entirely surprised, though, based on my own experience.

@@gowalking, good point about carrying yourself differently and that possibly contributing to the more positive treatment from other people. I think that does have something to do with it; I definitely do have more confidence. However, I think there’s still a big proportion of the better treatment that is due to people’s own decision based on how they see us.

@@deeplue, I see your point. Hopefully your parents also see good things about you in other areas, and are voicing their pride in your weight loss because they know how hard this has been for you, and maybe that you’ve had to work harder at it than in other areas of your life?

@@pink dahlia, Yes, it is a cycle! It is a vicious cycle when we are overweight and not making an effort to look good and be positive. That makes others treat us even worse. And it is a delightful cycle when we are losing weight and being cheerful and doing our best to look good!

[Chrystee 838]

I think a lot of my fat-shaming came from myself. I purposely didn't wear make up or do my hair. I would wear impossibly baggy clothes; sweatpants, yoga pants, bulky t-shirts. And I was miserable. Who would want to go out of their way to talk to me? Now I am half way to my goal, down about 6 sizes and feel great. And that feeling has extended to my outer appearance as well. I think that because I have changed, people's attitude toward me has changed. I find myself talking to many more people than I used to and even opening myself up to begin conversations, something I wouldn't have done 40 pounds ago.

I'm still overweight and still will be for a while. But I've learned my value extends far beyond that number on the scale. There's so much more.

People judge, they always will. They will always make assumptions, lean on stereotypes, form opinions before they know anything. It's just the way people are and that isn't going to change. The best thing anyone can do for themselves is to love themselves (as my grandmother used to say), 'warts and all'. When you love yourself, it shines through and the judgments of others don't matter so much. They still might sting, but they don't linger.

And that is the thing.. I've always looked nice.. always done my makeup and hair, etc!

[erp 2,016]

I echo the changes that other have remarked on, men flirt more, ladies chat more, etc. For me, though, it is the non verbals that I noticed the most. People used to literally give me a wide birth when I would walk by or grimace if I asked if the the airplane seat next to them was taken. The nonverbal was a constant reminder of what people were thinking even if they liked me and would never say it out loud.

[cookarue 233]

I never noticed anyone treating me differently. In the past I haven't received any criticism on my weight, and now I don't either. There was only one time I was at a store and the store clerk asked me if what I was carrying was a diabetes bag, I said no it's a makeup bag and I carry my wallet in it. Then later, when I thought about it more, I thought he must've said that bc I was fat. I don't know that for a fact though because he was very nice while checking me out of his land and making (positive) comments on my purchases. How I feel about myself, however, has changed a great deal. I do feel better about myself, and that's a sure thing.

[heather5565 959]

I was flipping through my kid's books the other day trying to find him a bedtime story and we read a book about a fish who wanted to get big and strong so he went to a restaurant and ate a bunch of high fat food. He ended up getting fat instead and all his fish friends laughed at him and made fun of him so he went on an exercise program to lose weight.

I was appalled. Fat shaming and food issues start at a very, very young age. I'm giving that damned book to Goodwill.

I am very early in my weight loss phase (22 pounds down! Yay!) but I can attest to feeling invisible. I get horrified looks from men when I talk to them, as if they're afraid I'm interested but they don't want anything to do with me so they try to ignore me (I'm gay, a*****e). I'm going to be very peevish towards men who hit on me when I reach a normal weight. Likewise, I get a lot of pitying looks from women, looks also tinged with fear - and I know they're thinking "thank God I'm not that fat" or "I hope I never get THAT fat."

Obese people are treated very poorly in our country. Folks who have never had a weight problem before have no idea how hard it is.

First of all: burn that f**king book!

Second: congrats on your weight loss so far!! Yay!

Third: I know those looks from men ans women! Sheesh, it's like you went and dug around in my head for those thoughts!

And lastly: did you burn that book yet?

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[heather5565 959]

Yes and no.

Yes with strangers, No to friends and family.

When I was 82 pounds heavier I was miserable and wouldn't talk to or look at other people. I'd get grumpy easy and would speak my mind if someone pissed me off. Even if it was something so minor - ex: me holding the door open for someone and they'd walk thru without a "thank you" or a smile, nothing. I'd say loudly "you're welcome!!"

Now because I'm happier and much more pleasant to be around, I think this reflects and radiates so I'm being noticed more.

I'm much more talkative & I look at people (like at their actual face!)

Because I'm more outgoing I believe this is why I'm being treated differently.

Although I think I'd still say "you're welcome!!" even now, because that's just rude! When someone stands there and waits for you while holding a damn door open SAY THANK YOU!

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Edited March 10, 2016 by heather5565

[katanne 215]

I echo the changes that other have remarked on, men flirt more, ladies chat more, etc. For me, though, it is the non verbals that I noticed the most. People used to literally give me a wide birth when I would walk by or grimace if I asked if the the airplane seat next to them was taken. The nonverbal was a constant reminder of what people were thinking even if they liked me and would never say it out loud.

Yeah, the grim postures and grimaces of resignation I get when I get on a crowded elevator or subway car. No one says anything aloud, but they don't have to. Can't wait to no longer experience this.

[Wendyfm 494]

I think to a certain extent, but I think a lot of it is me. I am feeling different and treating myself differently.

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[AnA92212 577]

Yes. It is sad but true. We are judged for our outward appearance. I am sure people used to think I was fat and lazy. You know what? They were sort of right. Oh, I tried off and on to lose weight, but always gave up. That didn't mean I was any less capable as a person or any less important of a person.