Feeling very uncomfortable about compliments

[BCs 1000 364]

I work in a very large company spread out over several office across the city. There are lots of colleagues that I only see every few months or so.

I am finding it really difficult that almost everyday I run into someone I have not seen for a while and they comment on how much weight I have lost. I feel really embarrassed to have it publicly aired how obese I was.

When they talk about how great I look, all I can think about is how terrible they must have all thought I looked before.

I just really hate having so much attention placed on how I look.

My strategy is to quickly thank them and change the subject (after turning beet red).

Does anyone else feel like this?

[AvaFern 3,516]

I hated that, however once you are at goal weight, 6 months to a year later, no one says anything anymore. It really used to irk me that people would push for a number...so how much exactly did you lose? Ok fine I lost 111 pounds, yes I was a monster, thank-you for letting everyone around us who didn't know I used to be fat know my business. I really tried to accept that this is people trying to be nice and supportive. People want to compliment you and they don't realize it might be hurtful. I personally never comment on weight because first, I hated when people did it to me, and second sometimes people are losing weight because they are sick. If someone has clearly discussed their weight loss goals, when they have reached a very obvious loss, then I might say "girl, you look fantastic!" which can be interpreted by anyone around us as a kind compliment without mentioning weight.

[Rarely here 63]

You have hit the nail on the head (both of you!) it's between frustrating and annoying to constantly hear how much better you look. Especially in front of people who may not know your past. I remind myself that people are usually trying to be nice and complimentary (after all, it IS the elephant in the room...pun intended). I just keep telling myself that there will have to come a point when my weight loss is old news and not a topic of interest any longer.

But I do chuckle to myself when I consider telling someone, in an uncomfortable/fawning manner, how amazing they look with their teeth fixed/acne gone/fill in the blank with things we notice about people that we don't point out, out of tact. Lol. Weight is just never going to be off limits.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

One of the reasons on the list of reasons for doing surgery is to look better. If you deny it, you will notice that your nose has grown. People who compliment the change aren't saying that you looked like crap before. They are commenting only on what is in front of them at the moment. They are acknowledging your choice to change and being supportive of it. The rare individual who thinks, "Gee, she really did look like crap before," is just a tad jealous and perhaps has a mouth filled with sour grapes. Who cares?

Ask yourself how you'd feel or what you'd think if people you see infrequently didn't notice. "Don't they see me?" "Don't I make an impression on them?" "Am I not here?" "Are they stupid?" When a person looks dramatically different, how easy is it to pretend you don't notice? When you see an acquaintance in that position, it certainly can't feel natural to avert your eyes and bite your tongue. Even more to the point, it falls within the category of withholding good feelings for the success of the altered party. How mean-spirited that is.

Relish the compliments. Flash your most dazzling smile and say, "Thank you. It's so wonderful to see you again."

Edited February 26, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[AnA92212 577]

I am the opposite. I am glad that people notice and recognize my hard work. I have lost over 150 pounds. That's a person!! Yes, I was obese....I own it! I am not anymore. I am considered in a healthy weight range for the first time since freshman year of college. I am pretty much at goal so all of that will stop. The only time I get embarrassed is when people just keep going about how tiny I am. I am NOT tiny. I am definitely a lot smaller than I used to be. I always tell people I have had the surgery. I feel as if I am an advocate.

[BCs 1000 364]

I know 100% that they are coming from a good place. They are all lovely people and I know they are genuinely happy for me. They want to acknowledge my achievement.

I can't help how I feel when it happens though.

I think too, because I have lost this much weight so many times before, and have put it all back on, that I feel like it is a case of me being 'on the wagon' or 'off the wagon'. That is the part I find most embarrassing.

I think having a standard response will help me.

[BCs 1000 364]

Avafern, I had someone ask me five times the exact number of kilos I had lost. I just kept saying things like 'quite a lot', but they just kept going.

Again, I know that they just wanted to Celebrate that number with me.

[Support Sisters 19]

I generally am happy when people notice and compliment... I just don't like the "half your size" or " you look like a different person" compliment. I am still me and you don't have to remind me how fat I was. They are just trying to be nice - sometimes I say " you are embarrassing me" to get them to stop but most of the time I just say thank you and smile.

[Dub 9,922]

I work in a very large company spread out over several office across the city. There are lots of colleagues that I only see every few months or so.

I am finding it really difficult that almost everyday I run into someone I have not seen for a while and they comment on how much weight I have lost. I feel really embarrassed to have it publicly aired how obese I was.

When they talk about how great I look, all I can think about is how terrible they must have all thought I looked before.

I just really hate having so much attention placed on how I look.

My strategy is to quickly thank them and change the subject (after turning beet red).

Does anyone else feel like this?

Looking at the percentage stats here......damn !!!!

You have to learn to accept compliments, praise and sheer wonder. You have to. It's going to happen time and time again so you'd best learn a move that will get you past if quickly if you so choose.

Try something like, "Thank you so much.....I appreciated that......I am feeling so much better.......how are you doing ?". The quicker you can get folks talking about themselves.....the easier it will be.

You've kicked ass !!!!!!!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Avafern, I had someone ask me five times the exact number of kilos I had lost.

I am so tired of talking about my weight, let's talk about yours.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I know 100% that they are coming from a good place. They are all lovely people and I know they are genuinely happy for me. They want to acknowledge my achievement.

I can't help how I feel when it happens though.

I think too, because I have lost this much weight so many times before, and have put it all back on, that I feel like it is a case of me being 'on the wagon' or 'off the wagon'. That is the part I find most embarrassing.

I think having a standard response will help me.

Be honest. If you truly like these people, simply say, "I appreciate your kind words, but all this attention makes me uncomfortable. I'm sure you understand."

Smile and change the subject. They will remember before they speak next time.