I am a very blessed woman ... I am fortunate enough to work with my husband ( though some would see this as a curse ) ...

So all of our co-workers ( of course ) know us ...

And since my WL journey ... I have heard said ... to my face and otherwise ... that my husband better "put a lock on me" and "watch me" because I just might start fooling around on him ...

REALLY!?!??!

I am so sick of hearing this I could vomit ... I feel it's completely WRONG and RUDE for people to "assume" that just because I'm losing weight ... doesn't mean I want to lose my husband in the process ...

Thank God he knows where my heart and soul is ... because if he even FOR ONE SECOND believed a word of what people were saying ... omg ... I don't even want to think of that ...

Geesh.

Sometimes ... people suck.

@songsmith funny you should ask that ... 99% of our co-workers are men ... so i sometimes think they just don't know HOW to pay a lady a compliment ... and men being men ... just say the first thing that comes to their mind without giving a thought of how it comes out ...

Believe me ... I am NOT God's gift to anyone but my husband ... I am still of the mind set that I'm huge and will always see myself that way ( i think ) ...

so maybe I'm being too sensitive about things that are said that weren't meant for my ears ...

It's still such a learning curve.

Men!

Ugh.

What creatures they can be.

Man, here.

Guilty as charged.

We say and do impulsive stuff. At least we don't pee on fire hydrants.....unless we are walking home from a bar and we pass one of those red beacons......and seeking relief seems like a great idea......until the cops show up right when relief is being had.....

Not that I have any knowledge of said act.

Seriously, though, don't take it too seriously. They are paying you a compliment in their own way. At least they aren't beating their chests and making ape calls while doing so.

Being a fellow knuckle dragger myself.....I can honestly say that I see women make tremendous transformations here on BP....and the thought that comes to mind is...."Wow.....she is hot".

There is no malice behind the thought....just an eyebrow raising reaction to a gal who has made great progress.

@Dub Your posts ... no matter the subject ... always make me smile ... I love your sense of humor and the way it comes across ...

Thank you for the insight into a man's mind ... sometimes it's hard to drag that stuff out of my husband!

I appreciate your reply Dub !

Meh...

F'em. I had a lady ask me if I was getting a divorce because I was looking haaaaawwwwwt. I was dressed up and buying wine for our 20th anniversary.

Those folk don't matter. Your loved ones matter. The rest can suck it.

Whilst I get it, I think it gives too much credit to the speaker. Seriously. .. they see hot..they say "hot" I don't think it is more complicated than that.

There is a way that some people give 'complimenst' that is quite the opposite. The implication is that you/we were bow-wow's who had to take what we could get.

The part about implying that someone would start running around is simply inappropriate at best and low class at worst.

Correct. I tend not to take things as a veiled insult. I was a hot fatty, I am a hot not fatty.

Without reading into those remarks "...that my husband better "put a lock on me" and "watch me" because I just might start fooling around on him ...... ", I would say they were paying you a compliment that you are pretty now and will be looking very "hot" after you lose your excess body weight.

Granted, the choice of words could have been a lot better.

As others pointed out, if guys said that (I doubt they are "testing the waters", they probably just talk like stereotypical men) just remember it is due to the "Y-chromosome" we have.

With this chromosome there are genetic defects that make some men:

Light farts on fire.

Enjoy watching The 3-Stooges movies.

Go to monster truck shows.

Yell "YEAH!" or "Woo-Hoo!" whenever something blows up in a movie.

Edited January 6, 201610 yr by 4MRB4PHOTO

@LipstickLady I like the way you think!

she is always saying "hey skinny" ... and "oh look you have a waist!" ... I think in her mind she is paying me a compliment ...

But the way it comes out ... it's really a dig. It makes me very uncomfortable

I can completely relate to this!! People are calling me "Skinny" and "Slim" and other similar nicknames and it really bothers me. I know they mean well, and probably think it is a compliment, but it really rubs me the wrong way. *I* do not see myself as skinny. I know I am thinner than I used to be, but I am in no way skinny!! I have tried to just take a deep breath and let it roll off, but some days that is just soooo hard to do!

I went through this too. From both men, women, and close family members. I know they meant well, but it would still offend me. My response was, "My husband's love and attention is all that I desire. He has loved me skinny, fat, and everything in between. I am the lucky one."

It definitely was a compliment. Many people are not well versed and it is a huge thing that the knuckle draggers actually thought to give a compliment. I'm sure they meant well and maybe that was the best they could do.

@@Dub I love that you are a knuckle dragger too. Geez that made me laugh.

It definitely was a compliment. Many people are not well versed and it is a huge thing that the knuckle draggers actually thought to give a compliment. I'm sure they meant well and maybe that was the best they could do.

@@Dub I love that you are a knuckle dragger too. Geez that made me laugh.

I'm glad to have been of service.

I'm housebroken.......mostly.

I can fetch, do water retrieves and bark on command.

Old dog....but always learning new tricks.

they probably just talk like stereotypical men)

You mean two men simultaneously yammering the same things, one per ear, yes?

Agreed. The originator mentioned that most were men after I posted earlier. That changes things in good part. They intended no backhanded compliments.

@@MrsKarenC2008

We should get a thread going on the awkward comments and moments we have experienced after surgery. They seem to rank uncomfortable, flattering, funny to creepy.

People are stupid. Some feel the need to talk just to hear their own voices. While that situation does happen it's only going to happen if that's what you want. You may want to remind them that when they cut open your stomach that didn't unhinge your legs. Not everyone loses weight for the purpose of running off. So ignorant. You may also want to point out some of the important issue going on in the world that could use some of their attention so they will have something else to focus on besides your life.

@Elode I couldn't have said it better myself

I didn't read all the replies but I get the gist of this. My take is that this is not their problem..it's ours. We, and I mean pretty much all of us on these boards, have body image issues. We do not see ourselves as we really are..and I mean when we are heavy or normal sized. Our perceptions are distorted so any type of comment, even flattering ones, can be taken the wrong way.

I'm almost three years post WLS, and two years in therapy and only now can I see myself more as others do. Not always..I still have issues. But most of the time, when I look in the mirror, I see a slim, middle aged woman who I know looks younger than her 57 years, but still has lines on her face, crow's feet, and a myriad of things that would indicate I've lived quite a life in terms of what my body has been through.

Basically I'm saying that we shouldn't take things so personally even when they feel personal. Take a compliment for what it is even if it's presented poorly...and learn to enjoy the normalcy that comes with losing the weight.