Rude people

[swimbikerun 1,038]

I want to ask people why they can't spend their time making the world a better place than telling secrets. If we spent time helping homeless, aged, minorities, volunteer groups, we'd be so busy we wouldn't be in others' business.

The other option is to make sure you aren't the one listening. I shut off gossip pretty much quickly when I first got to my work place. I let things come out when they come out. A lot happier for it and my coworkers don't gossip to me either.

[shriner37 249]

This sounds like an example of two very insecure people, who realize they have issues but can't or won't deal with them, and are envious of someone who has done so. You mention that they are both extremely overweight. I assume they've tried, like most all of us, to lose weight over time and haven't been successful. To see someone around them take control of their life and be successful at something they've failed at can create very negative feelings in people who are envious by nature.

Your life is your own, and your body is your responsibility. You have to live for yourself first. Their negativity won't help you be successful in building a healthier, happier self. If they can't be supportive this is their issue, not yours.

It sounds like your husband is very supportive and knows how toxic his relatives can be. I bet he will truly understand if you choose not to expose yourself to their negativity and abuse.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Just a thought....an addict in the middle of their own addiction can't imagine you would enjoy holidays and birthdays without crappy food....because their world is focused on it. I like good food as much as the next person, but I don't equate food with happiness.....and it sounds like they do.

You can't win arguments with illogical people....just let it go, do what you do, they are gonna do what they do and you decide how much crap you are willing to take. This battle is seldom won with arguing back because they are clueless and simply have no empathy and understanding of your point of view.

[Lori55741 3]

​​So sorry to hear your MIL and SIL did that. And its the exact reason I'm not telling mine. Kudos to you for standing up to them. I find that people can get jealous if you do anything "new." I plan on just living my life happily and not worrying about the nasty relatives. Because, let's face it, if they weren't saying something about your weight loss, they'd find something else to pick at. So, next time they mention it publically, respond loudly and say, "Too bad you can't be a patient, too. But neither of you would pass the pre-op psych eval !!!!" lol

[Alex Brecher 10,486]

Ilovecats1985,

Sorry you (and so many other WLS patients) have to deal with this. You’re trying to get healthy, it sounds like you’re doing everything right, and apparently your family-in-law can’t handle it.

At least when your in-laws announce that you can’t have cake (or whatever) because of surgery, it gives you an easy way to say “No, thanks.” But of course it’s unfair that your secret is out and can never be taken back.

I have to say, I am SO glad your husband is supportive, even if not super assertive. That makes all the difference, and that’s all you need. Let him know what you’re willing to stand for, whether it’s one day a year with your in-laws or flat-out no time at all because they’re so rude. You don’t need to take anything from them.

Good luck, and congratulations on your surgery, your weight loss, and your determination.

[Josey Quinn 187]

Well, I guess I should have expected it, but 16 days post-op, someone very close to me just said something hateful to me and then left the house. He was out the door before I even fully realized what he'd said. This makes me very sad.

[lotacls 5]

Well, I guess I should have expected it, but 16 days post-op, someone very close to me just said something hateful to me and then left the house. He was out the door before I even fully realized what he'd said. This makes me very sad.

That's so sad! I think people are very afraid of change, it makes them insecure. I told myself before the surgery that this was the beginning of my new life. That from here on out I'm going to treat myself as well or better than I have always treated others. I've had to remind myself of this already a few times I've had people say something negative.

[Heather I 500]

My in-laws are overbearing, bossy assholes. My husband warned me about them when we started dating, but seeing is believing. We have two young children that they are very loving towards, so we maintain contact at major holidays and parental surgeries (MIL/FIL in 80s,) but my husband told me when his folks pass, we will have nothing to do with the SILs.

It DOES suck. I grew up with extended family and had all sorts of idealistic dreams of big family vacations and holiday gatherings, having fun -- and the reality is we limit our time to a few hours at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I'm not telling my in-laws anything about the surgery because I'm sure they'll say I took the easy way out and have only negative comments.

Honestly, I don't think there is any point having "one last conversation" with your MIL and SIL. They're brazen jerks and bullies, and they're never going to have an "aha" moment that they are assholes and apologize or change their ways.

I'd reconcile myself to limited contact, which I know stinks because you crave a family. I do, too, but I'm focusing how fortunate I am to creating my own family with my husband and our kids. At the end of the day, THESE are the people I live with and love.

Sounds like your husband is a great guy, and your stepchildren must be good, too, for you to be so invested in their activities and milestones.

((hugs)) and know they suck, it's not you, and next holiday/birthday season, you WILL get to just show up looking stunning -- and I bet you they say nothing to acknowledge how good you look (because that exposes them for the hypocrites they are, ) or they continue to badger you -- which makes them look pathetic.

Good luck. It stinks family isn't the Normal Rockwell picture we'd all like around the holidays, but you do you and you'll be fine.

[Maggie Journey 126]

​​ So, next time they mention it publically, respond loudly and say, "Too bad you can't be a patient, too. But neither of you would pass the pre-op psych eval !!!!" lol

Lori, you literally made me laugh out loud!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

It never ceases to amaze me how childish, immature, and ignorant some "adults" can be!

It makes me so thankful for those that aren't.

[sleever54 8]

Kill them with kindness! I'm sure that sounds tough to do when they are getting under your skin but bottom line don't let their crap get the best of you! That's what they want from you.

In their eyes, you are now changing, getting healthier, looking leaner and they can't say bad crap about that. Infact, they may have been talking about you long ago and your weight for all you know but not in front of you. They may have been bringing all the high calorie treats just to watch you indulge and so they can take pleasure in this. Sick I know but that's what people do when they want to "UP" themselves but guess what? That's all gone now. They can't watch you eat that ice cream or cake so they got to put you down in front of the world because of it. The only difference now is your reaction because trust me, anyone else in the room I am sure found their comments to be very RUDE besides you.

So just smile and pretend like it doesn't eat at you. Watch them drown and trust me in time "without a reaction" from you they are going to get no where but look like idiots to the rest of the folks in the room.

Quote; "No reaction means no action". Let them fall alone and let it go!! IGNORE!!

Their still jerks but do your best to kill them with kindness! It back fires in such a great way!

[Cutepretty1 121]

Sorry, but what is mil and sil stand for? I'm lost. Is little sister?

Lol....I was too then figured it out.....Mother In Law and Sister In Law.

Sent from my SM-N900V using Tapatalk

[CincyDave 3]

They sound like bullies to me. Unfortunately, they will never change.

My advice is ignore them completely. And when they start back up with negative comments, just ignore them and don't engage with the drama they are trying to start.

[Uhearthat 2]

Sounds to me like the mil and sil have some self image issues and are trying to project them onto you while trying to divert attention from their own failures or insecurities. I would venture a guess that they both have been making off hand comments about you and others weight because it makes them feel superior.

Just keep your head up and don't let the haters get to you.

[Ilovecats1985 100]

Again thank you all so much for your support and encouragement!

Y'all are right my mil has always been a nasty person. The very first time I ever met her she told me if I married my husband I could thank her for the house we live in. I was completely blown away. My fil actually owns this house and my husband pays $400 more than what the mortgage is, we pay all utilities, any repairs or upgrades. I told my husband that night we could not stay in this house for too long Bc I didn't want his mom dangling it over our heads(she always does). Thankfully my husband is finally tenured so we are in the process of buying our own home.

I deal with mil and sil as little as possible and I'm always smiling when I'm around them just Bc I know it's eating them up.