Losing Family and Friends

[charjsweet 27]

When I told my closest friend of 30 years that I was going through the process to get Gastric sleeve bypass she fell silent. I knew she wasn't happy about it. I've always weighed less than her and to her that meant I didn't need to lose more than she was willing to. I have been working with my Fitbit for about 2 years now and have had MS diagnosed since 2007. I developed gestational diabetes which turned into Type 2 diabetes. Despite changes to my diet and exercise my health is declining. My doctor recommended the surgery. Now, I have tamped up my health regimen and my husband bought me a new Fitbit scale. She became livid that he would waste 120 dollars on a scale. She argued and belittled and snubbed me because of a scale. I gave her several ways out so she could tell me what's really wrong. We have now not talked in a month. Her husband called me yesterday to tell me he thinks she is jealous and that's why she was so mean to me. He wants me to call her to give her a chance to apologize. I know that she won't receive the call that way.

I was hurt by her and this isn't the first time her jealously has put a wedge between us. We hadn't talked for years before because of her bullying one of my children and beating her own. I forgave that and as I am older I kinda feel like with the shedding of weight and poor health.. It's time to shed people who only feel good when I'm not doing so well or as they perceive better than them. I was her biggest cheerleader through the trials in her life. I think now it's time to be my own cheerleader. I can't compromise on doing better for my own quality of life.

[KindaFamiliar 3,867]

@@charjsweet

I concur...

It's time to look after YOU...

If she's not on board with that then so be it...

Yes, the end of a realtionship of any kind can be a sad occasion...

But pain passes...

People come and go thru your life..

Your health is a life-long thing...

Stick to YOUR guns...

You're doing this for yourself...

Good luck to you...

Keep up posted...

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

Yes that happens. It's amazing how when you gain your self esteem, and realize your self worth that these people in our lives that we believed were our "friends" we find out were really only our foul weather friends. We realize they never really cheered when we had achievements, or rallied when we needed support. But they were there when we were miserable, because misery loves company. It made them feel superior when we felt like a loser. I speak only for myself. I don't know you or your friend, but that was my experience. If I see that person in my life who treated me that way I will smile and chat for a minute. But I have people now who support me, and care about my well being. I was totally running with the wrong crowd. My new crowd is awesome, and I never would have found them if I hadn't stepped out of my comfort zone and took care of ME. You are worth it. Just remember that.

[The Candidate 3,215]

From your description of this particular friend, I whole heartedly agree - shed her from your life. You deserve better.

[charjsweet 27]

Thank y'all. I miss her sometimes but I do realize that it is not meant for everyone to take the journey you're on. She could have taken comfort in the notion that though larger she is in better health than I am. I always applauded her lifestyle changes to a more green life. She doesn't have any of the genetic or actual illnesses that I have. I always say everyone is different and need different things. I'm like the cholesterol commercial... look one way... health is the opposite. She looks one way and her health is great. I believe she will find the support and friendship she needs elsewhere and so will I. On to the journey of a million new memories. I already feel great in this group. Thanks so much y'all. I think I'll go for a Leslie Sansone walk to Celebrate joining BariatricPal.

[jane13 2,256]

sometimes so called " friends" are more toxic than anything else.

[charjsweet 27]

I agree

[lovingdavid 119]

I think we all deal with a few friends or even family like that. Just be you and be happy that you will continue with your journey without others being jealous.

[newmebithebypass 713]

I realized early on in my life that some people mostly women keep people as "friends" as a yard stick for seeing well at least I'm not as bad as so and so. Sort of a schadenfreude in a way once you stop letting your life be their schadenfreude then they lose interest in you. Same with reality TV

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,899]

I'm not a psychiatrist, nor do I even play one on TV.

Maybe her anger is towards herself, about her weight, and by having her friend also with quite a bit of excess body weight gives her a little comfort? Also, maybe she is afraid of being hurt that you will no longer want to be her friend after you lose your excess body weight?

It could also be that she wasn't a true friend, but before you throw away a 30 year friendship, maybe find out first why she truly said those things.

Good luck.

[hollybower 122]

Look at it this way. Shedding your extra baggage also means shedding the extra BAGGAGE! Lots of life lessons will be learned during this time. You don't need the extra pounds because it causing your health major issues. So you don't need anyone who is going to bring negativity and stress to your life either! You need nothing but FULL support during this time.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@charjsweet ...

You're a smart cookie.

I also concur. It's time to give that person her own space, and make your own space.

You sound like you're doing great, by the way. Again, smart cookie.

[charjsweet 27]

I tried that for several weeks before I stopped pleading with her to give the real reason. She's lost weight before and she is also very health conscious. Unfortunately she is the type of person that would tear you apart before she would admit any wrong doing. Every time we have ever mended fences because of something she did it was because I'm forgiving and my mortality is always before me with my health issues. She counts on that. Then when I do she takes that opportunity to belittle someone else. She is angry with herself about a lot of things but her pride and narcissism says it's always going to be someone else's fault. It's been 30years of this. Her husband is a sweet guy and he relies on me to take some of the pressure off of him and his brother by reasoning with her. I just can't anymore. It's time for me to move on. If she wants a good friend she's got to be one too. We can't always be on the receiving end. I've never left her. She's left me. I just can't afford to fight for a one sided relationship. Going through my first surgery is scary enough. She'll come around when she needs something and I'll be here. But she will have missed the chance to be there for me too.

[charjsweet 27]

Thanks I will.

[charjsweet 27]

That's how I feel. I never left her. Even if I didn't agree with some of her choices, I still stood by her as my friend. What works for her doesn't always work for me. But I wouldn't take away her chance at happiness or a new experience.