Relationship problems

[lizag234 34]

My husband and I were talking and he made a comment that hit close to home. He asked me if after the surgery will I change towards him or want him to loose weight. My husband is a big guy but I love him the way he is and he could lose a couple of pounds for medical concerns but I'm ok with him. Are any of you willing to admit if you are experiencing some change after WLS in regards to relationships or judegements?

[VegaJackie 5]

I lost 67 pounds before my surgery . surgery was 9/4 . my husband is big belly . I love him the way he is. I noticed that he now tries to make better help choices. He said he needs to get in better health like me.

Health*

[lizag234 34]

Oh cool @@VegaJackie hopefully my husband will do the same but then again he's been saying he has to go to the gym everyday for the past 3 years. I guess one of my fears is that once I'm healthy that I don't become a bully or wander. Which it's not in my nature to do that but I'm sure it happens to people.

[Elode 8,093]

No, I think we are closer now!

[VegaJackie 5]

@@lizag234 my husband was 150 soccer player n now is like 320. I started walking n exercising before my surgery. I just made it like a date night . I started to cook healthy too. I also think about me pushing too hard but I guess it just remembering how hard it is/was cause we are just beginning a new journey

[Djmohr 6,965]

I adore my husband, he is a big guy and definately needs to lose some weight if he wants to remain healthy. He suffers from AFIB but had an ablation twice to correct it. So far he has only had a couple of episodes.

Anyway, he eats like crap all the time and then when he has a blip with his heart he freaks out and asks me to help him. The problem is he really is a food addict. A junk food addict. I am a great cook and I focus on good Proteins and good carbs. For lunch I am always making something for myself that he could eat but chooses to run to mcDonalds.

I have noticed myself getting outright angry with him because he tells me I have to help him. I get him on track and he does well until something comes up outside of the house, then instead of simply indulging a little for that one meal, he gives up completely and we start over again when he is ready.

Honestly I am tired of him asking for help and then not doing his part. He is due for his physical at the end of the month and knows his doctor is going to scold him, so guess what. He needs my help to get back on track.

He went to the ball games with friends tonight. He ate crap at the game and then picked up McDonald's on the way home.

I try not to get frustrated with him but I am actually finding myself really nagging lately.

I decided tonight that I am not going to say anything and when he asks for help again, I am going to provide my nutritionists info.

He is very proud and amazed at how well I have done so I don't understand what the issue is. He was going to have bypass with me and backed out of it.

[dhrguru 1,238]

My husband and I were talking and he made a comment that hit close to home. He asked me if after the surgery will I change towards him or want him to loose weight. My husband is a big guy but I love him the way he is and he could lose a couple of pounds for medical concerns but I'm ok with him. Are any of you willing to admit if you are experiencing some change after WLS in regards to relationships or judegements?

I wouldn't say my attitude changed post surgery, I long recognized both he and i needed to change our lifestyle. And I tried for a while before I even considered surgery to get us to work in some aspect together, he never budged. I got tired of waiting on him and opted for surgery. Do I still want him to do something... Absolutely! But I love him and won't judge him. I do worry since the the excess weight is effecting his health, and we know that went get better. Gentle encouraging is what I'm trying, hopefully it's not coming across as a nagging nelly.

[Kiba 47]

My boyfriend was fully committed to being there for me when I was at my biggest, he's an athletic slim guy. It bothered me I was bigger than him, now that I am shrinking he feels motivated to work out with me and strengthen his core. We try to go running together and he tries to adjust his diet around my cravings. But it was tough to get to this point, at the beginning after my surgery I was very depressed and hormonal. This is a huge change and it is meant to shift everything around, you just hope for the best and pray the person you're with understands the struggle and is willing to make sacrifices with you along the way.

[her1981 448]

I am so glad to see this topic posted... I'll try to be brief.

My husband and I have been together for 13 years, married for 10. When we met, I was about 380 (I'm 5'5''). When we got married I was 330 and then after having my daughter gained all the way up to 435. He loves me and never cared much about my weight as long as I was healthy. He is 6'4'' and when we met he was 215, now 290.

He was very supportive of my decision to have wls and continues to support and compliment me all the time. I've always been larger than him, so I think he feels "safe" in his weight gain. Odd as it seems, I find myself increasingly frustrated with his food choices even though mine obviously weren't the best if I was 400+ pounds! He eats A LOT and when I'm not around makes terrible food choices. I feel like I have no room to talk because I'm still much heavier than he is, but I wonder if that will change as I continue to lose.

Once I weigh less than he does, I'm not sure how I'll feel because in some ways, I feel like I SHOULD weight less than my husband, but at the same time I don't want him to be as large as he his (it's all belly). Plus I'm always worried about his health because he keeps having minor issues that I keep telling him are the warnings before the big stuff comes (like diabetes and high blood pressure), but he keeps on eating crap. Ok I'm rambling... I guess my point is that at some point, I feel like I will become super judgmental of his size and eating habits, and I feel bad about it because he NEVER judged me.

[AngelaWilliamsMD 290]

Since the surgery, my boyfriend of 6 years has become more body conscious. He's always been of average weight, but is more interested in getting in shape.

[bellabloom 2,467]

My ex was extremely cruel to me about my weight. Since we broke up we have become good friends and even tried to patch things back together. I'm extremely thin now and he has gained weight. I think it makes him incredibly self conscious. My weight bothered him before because he felt it reflected poorly on him to have a fat spouse. Now the coin has flipped and me being thin makes him more sensitive towards how he looks.

He needs to get it together and start losing weight because he is getting pretty big. And I can't say a thing or he would just crumble. It's a hard situation.

[Mandyctr 75]

Your husband is actually nervous you're going to change towards him. He's pretty vulnerable right now. I'd say focus on making him feel more confidant and secure and that will help your relationship the most. If he makes a change, great, if not, there are worse things. But, your best shot for helping on his journey (should he choose that) is unconditional love and support and letting him set his pace for him.

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

My husband and I were talking and he made a comment that hit close to home. He asked me if after the surgery will I change towards him or want him to loose weight. My husband is a big guy but I love him the way he is and he could lose a couple of pounds for medical concerns but I'm ok with him. Are any of you willing to admit if you are experiencing some change after WLS in regards to relationships or judegements?

I have been with my husband for 20+ years. We have a solid relationship. We would take a bullet for each other.

As I lost weight my husband was a bit insecure. As ridiculous as this sounds, he felt that if I got attention from the opposite sex I was going to leave him. I had to reassure him and validate what he was going through.

As my weight loss progressed I was involved with my gym, sporting events and just enjoying the new things that I could not do at my high weight. He was feeling left behind. I always try to include him even if he says no..its the fact that I asked.

We made some goal rewards... couples goal rewards. As old as we are. We went to victoria secret. I walked out with size small panties (NSV)

We started riding our mountain bikes to a coffee shop every sunday. I have been in bariatric cooking classes for over a year now. He eats what I cook and loves it. I'm so proud of him.

[wheezysmom 146]

My husband is 6'4" 200lbs and has a lean build. He is gaining weight and it's all sitting in his stomach but it doesn't bother me. In fact, I have always wanted him to be bigger because I am normally attracted to the football player build.

He is very supportive of my journey and does nothing but help me during this time in my life.

[Tssiemer1 549]

I feel like my husband is getting frustrated and tired of me getting ready for this surgery. He won't talk to me about it and doesn't really support my new food choices. He's said a few times he's afraid I won't cook him dinner for 6 months. I've been cooking him dinner. Sometimes a completely separate meal than what I eat. Like today I made shrimp and Brussels sprouts. I made him fried chicken and rice. No thank you. No support. No nothing.

It's very frustrating. He also says I'm just obsessed with it and will "grow out of" this phase.

I'm hoping he warms up to it more as time goes on.