Is it CHEATING or is it a CHOICE?

[Babbs 14,680]

Justification? I would hope no one here is searching for that on a public forum.

You know how I know you haven't been reading this forum for very long?

We see it on a daily basis. Posters getting ANGRY after a "Oh, I've been bad" post at others for reminding them that some of their choices aren't going to make them as successful as they would like to be. I see it all the time, especially with newbies. They accuse those that are a little further along of being "perfect" and "judgmental".

Like I said, I could care less about your bad choices. I've made them, too, but I will own up to it. I'll support, commiserate, whatever I need to do to make the poster feel they aren't alone in their imperfectness.

I am no better than anyone else. I just CHOOSE to do what I need to do to be successful 98.544455555222555% of the time.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

To me "cheating" is an old diet term. Remember when Weight Watchers had legal and illegal foods? Diets don't work for me so I no longer diet.

Since I am post-op a few weeks, I have a plan. I have a variety of foods that are on my plan and the variety expands weekly. I prefer to focus on what I can have. It is a choice. I hope I will make healthy choices and the more I understand my choices the more likely I am to make the right ones for me.

[Babbs 14,680]

To me "cheating" is an old diet term. Remember when Weight Watchers had legal and illegal foods? Diets don't work for me so I no longer diet.

Since I am post-op a few weeks, I have a plan. I have a variety of foods that are on my plan and the variety expands weekly. I prefer to focus on what I can have. It is a choice. I hope I will make healthy choices and the more I understand my choices the more likely I am to make the right ones for me.

So perfectly said.

[ShellMilliner 233]

I'm only 6 weeks out and it absolutely drives me nuts to see a person post that they are a week out and bored with the shakes so they are eating solid foods like bacon (something I haven't even toyed with at this point). I can not understand why you would put yourself through the trauma of a major surgery and lifestyle change only to cheat yourself, undermine progress and worst put your health at risk. And then when people tell them the reasons why they shouldn't do what they are doing they get indignant and say well everyone's different I can handle it...SML.

I'm just a WLS baby and yet I can see through the trees and understand consequences. More to topic, I fully agree EVERYTHING we do is a choice (well unless you have a gun to your head or are being cohersed). If you choose to eat poorly add in some extra exercise or have a lean fish for your next few meals. We are not perfect and I really doubt anyone is ever expected over the course of the life to make all the right choices. You make the choices that are right for you at the time.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Justification? I would hope no one here is searching for that on a public forum.

Oh girl..... You've not been around here much, have you?

[wascott 395]

I like the idea of licking a dorito. I might try that technique with a pizza and a beer.

[IcanMakeit 1,318]

I think I have a little more sympathy for the posters who seem to be asking for validation for their bad choices. They know they've screwed up, but they need to feel like they are not the only ones in the world who ever blew it. They aren't really looking for permission, they just want to connect with fellow travelers. This doesn't mean that they don't need to hear the truth, it just means that we should just share our truth without sharing our impatience.

[blashlee 509]

I completely agree that anything you pop into your mouth or any activity you do or don't do is completely your choice. If you're not supposed to eat cake and you do, you made the choice to eat cake. And I've made that choice and it was mine to make all by myself and I don't need to share it or seek advice about it because I already processed what I did and how I feel about it. What someone else does or doesn't do shouldn't influence you. Some people I follow on Instagram or other social media outlets for WLS go eat In N Out fries and shakes and have Starbucks frappachinos almost daily. That's their walk to walk. I don't and won't do that because it goes against my doctor's advice for one, and for two, eating and drinking like that is how I ended up in a bariatric doctor's office looking for help in the first place.

[phatfatgirl 100]

Lmaoooo yes I'm a newbie here. So i guess I'm learning how things go in here. I guess I'm just relating on the obviously we aren't perfect because if we were we wouldn't need the surgery in the first place. Some have a harder time than others so i agree with Icanmakeit. They need to hear the truth but with a little more compassion. Sometimes food as we know can be a mental thing. I feel we shouldn't discourage others from posting what their going through. After all we're still a community and have to support each other right? Or am i being a little too kumbaya-ish? I don't know the dynamics in here yet. ????

[sharonintx 1,275]

@@wascott I would choose to go big and eat the entire Dorito

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I think I have a little more sympathy for the posters who seem to be asking for validation for their bad choices. They know they've screwed up, but they need to feel like they are not the only ones in the world who ever blew it. They aren't really looking for permission, they just want to connect with fellow travelers. This doesn't mean that they don't need to hear the truth, it just means that we should just share our truth without sharing our impatience.

I'm not impatient with it at all and I'll admit to being an extremely impatient person. That said, when someone asks the question I wish they would say that they:

• want justification
• want patronization
• want some moral support with a hug and kiss
• want a reality check.

I'm more than happy to skip the first three and address only the last. That doesn't make me a bully, judgmental, or a know it all. It actually says I am truly CONCERNED about their long term well being more than I am their right now feelings.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Lmaoooo yes I'm a newbie here. So i guess I'm learning how things go in here. I guess I'm just relating on the obviously we aren't perfect because if we were we wouldn't need the surgery in the first place. Some have a harder time than others so i agree with Icanmakeit. They need to hear the truth but with a little more compassion. Sometimes food as we know can be a mental thing. I feel we shouldn't discourage others from posting what their going through. After all we're still a community and have to support each other right? Or am i being a little too kumbaya-ish? I don't know the dynamics in here yet.

Oh goodness! I am truly not discouraging ANYONE from posting anything. I am simply hoping that some people will rethink the word cheating and take accountability for the choices they make.

I'm not saying their choices are bad/wrong/atypical, I am simply saying that the best way to deal with them is to own them instead of trying to justify them.

BIG DIFF!

[chubbsey1 126]

Great post, I believe we (society) as a whole have come to a place where we just can't or better yet won't take responsibility for our own actions and need the justification from others for our poor choices/ actions. I am new to this I had surgery back in February but I followed the "plan" now that said it's tough to be a saint in the city and I've done screwed up bad! But at no point did I "ask" if it was okay to do so. In the future may I ask some of the wonderful people here for advice like I have in the past ? Of course. I just don't know if they are trolls or just ignorant folks but I've seen some really bizarre questions here and that's okay too, if you truly need to know if it's okay to eat the triple bypass bacon jalapeño and nacho cheese burger in between two donuts and wash it down with a soda 2 days after surgery the gracious folks here will help you! That's my rant and I'm sticking to it! Good luck to everyone on their journey!

Edited May 13, 2015 by chubbsey1

[Swampdoggie 477]

Good discussion and j think we have 2 issues going on.

I am going to respectfully disagree with some of you in that cheating is a choice yes but that doesn't necssarily mean it not cheating. In my view there's no such thing as accidental or mindless cheating but not all choices are good ones and cheating is (are?) those choices that are bad for you, whatever that may be under your regimen.

For me, eating bacon without nitrites, avocados, cream are not cheats and not bad choices. Thats not true for everyone. Same for sodas, LL embraces those with a straw and thats not cheating for her. For me, cheating is eating stuff I have decided are not good for me but am choosing to do so anyway. I'm cheating on myself with a bad choice, like a brownie or donut. (Donut - slobber yum yum). Or a long island iced tea. Yes I have and no its not a good choice but normally I have planned for it, its deliberate and I accept the fact that it will set me back, and I'm not gonna feel bad. But then I can't grouse about a stall cuz I knew what was coming.

OK second issue, posting. I very much agree that lots of people are posting for confession, accountability, to see how others handle things, to get encouraged away from the dark side or even to get spanked back onto the straight and narrow. They are owning it. I think these are fine, great, helpful.

And then there are others who seem to want approval to do things they know are bad choices, to disregard Dr plans, to binge, not exercise (OK I don't exercise too much and I have reasons but I know its still a poor choice). What makes me laugh though is when these people making deliberate bad choices want approval and fellow travelers for their poor decision choices and then get all crazy when approval isn't given. I believe those people are going to have a really tough time being successful. Make your bad choice, I'm OK with that, but don't expect to get my approval for it.

[Graciesmom04 184]

It's like working with a group of women who are all dieting. My office happens to be across the hall from the break room and my office has the nice, professional quality scale that they all come in and use....while griping about how they can't lose weight, while their plate of cake, Cookies, chips and salsa sits on my desk as they weigh. Do it and do it right....don't gripe when it doesn't work for you when you don't.