My husbands mother spends winters in Florida with her boyfriend. She's the healthy one but just had a near fatal fall, landing her in ICU for couple days, now rehab until end of March, maybe longer..at which point she will fly home to Massachusetts . My hubby is down there now and told me he will be back no matter what in time for my surgery on the 13 th..it's only 9 days away...now I feel guilty about having him come back. ( he won't take no for an answer either).which means another family member will have to go down ( one brother just got home today...now hubby's turn). Problem is my sister in law who feels he should stay there and I should just switch my date...she doesn't know what my "procedure" is and I am not telling her. She just started a new job, blah blah blah...how set in stone are surgery dates once ins approval goes through ? Mid March just works out so well so I will be feeling much better by summer when kids will be home full time, and with our vacation plans..am I being selfish? How long would I need him to be with me at home if I have surgery on the 13 th...how long will I need an extra hand? I don't want to keep him from his mom but I really just want to get my surgery done with no hitches ..ugh

Posted this too soon...didn't get to say thanks for any advise...

Just have your surgery. If it's not actual life or death then do you. Just my opinion. Even if your husband is with you, you will probably only need him one or two days (assuming everything is fine, which I'm sure it will be).

That's what I hope to do...I guess it's guilt that's making me feel bad and thinking about rescheduling...if he comes home on the 12 th, then they are aline in FL by themselves and this is the whole thing my SIL is freaking about...but he can go back beginning of the week ...all I know is my head tells me to do one thing but that voice of my SIL is saying another... ( can you tell we font get along?)

Nope. Trust your husband to do what he says he's going to do. Relax and let other go as you are doing this for yourself for once.

Thank you so much...it's like the voice of reason that I need to hear!

Have your surgery. You're very lucky to have a supportive husband

Keep your surgery date !

I do have a great husband...totally behind me in my choice to get healthy...I know he feels torn too because it's his mom, but he said I will always come first

When I had my surgery I did the entire thing by myself. I stayed in the hospital for the required three days, I drove my butt to the hospital and home from the hospital and then I took care of myself 100% when I got home. If you don't have kids that need a parent around, you really don't need your husband. If you're leery about driving yourself home, you can have a friend pick you up from the hospital and take you home.

Physically you do not need anyone to do this surgery, although I imagine emotionally having your husband there would be nice. If I was you I would tell my husband to stay with his mother and do exactly what I did, except maybe with the exclusion of having a friend drive you home. If you want surgery, get surgery and get it on the date you have planned. Imagine how awesome your husband will think you are when he finds out you are fully capable of handling this entirely on your own...I bet he comes running right home to you and you don't have to play the needy card once.

Well, I can't change my surgery date unless I want to wait tilmid April ...and I don't....he is planning on coming home but everything will depend on his mom...I mean he will have to be hear because of the kids while I am at the hospital..and hopefully stay the week, as suggested by the surgeons office.

Don't let SIL have so much power over you. Get your surgery done. Your health is important. too. It was nice to have full-time support afetr my sleeve, but I could have taken care of myself if I had too. It just took a couple of days for the anesthetic and pain meds to wear off.

Too often we put the needs of others before our own. This surgery taught me my needs are important (gee do you think I stuffed my frustration with being "needed" by everone else by stuffing my face?).

I matter. My physical and emotional needs matter. Do the surgery. I was on my own. Took taxi to and from hospital then sat on couch for two days. Walked a mile slowly on day three. So have him home because he wants to, then he can go back. But don't put this one off!