I have yet to get the surgery but wanted to ask a question about relationships and how you have dealt with the insecurities of your significat other. After all this is not just a journey of one when there are 2 hearts involved. Could anyone give me insight on how to validate and help your significate other in feeling more secure and more excited for the future. My Fiance and I have comunicated openly about this subject and he has fears but on the other hand has a deep desire to see me happy and healthy. How do you juggle this dynamic?

lots of studies on here about that. divorce rate seems to be high for various reasons. I am married. has a lot to do with communication. so much changes when you lose. you may become more confident, partner jealous, various things. head over to the research sub section and find some articles. good luck

@@Bonawanabfree

With the confidence boost, attention from the opposite sex and my drive to get out and live life. My husband has had some insecurity along the way. I reassure him all the time that we have a solid relationship. I would take a bullet for him and the attention from the opposite sex is superficial. I have a amazing relationship. I don't take him for granted. I have no need to involve myself with anyone else. I try to get him involved with the things I'm participating in. Races , walking Kayaking etc. We make time to go out on dates. We have gone to Victoria's secret and picked out item's together. *blushing* All of these things has made our relationship even better.

I am glad I started this topic so that i may be able to show him that there is nothing to worry about. I told him that the only one that would hurt our relationship is him in this process. I told him that he needs to have faith and trust with lots of understanding.

I have found a friendship was effected more than my marriage. I had someone that I considered a very good friend, who went through lapband, distance herself from me. I haven't seen her since my surgery 11/24! I keep inviting her to do things and she flat out told me she didn't want to be the 'fat friend'. I was blown away. I got the big clue that this friendship was more one sided than I had thought. You really need to surround yourself with positive, supportive people. My coworkers have been amazing for me! My family is behind me too. My husband tells me I look amazing.

But losing that friendship, that really sucked.

@

Im sorry to hear about your friend. She must be going through a bit of sadness and envy. I know that many lap banders have gone to revision for sleeve because they did not have as much luck. i was interested in the lap band for a long time and decided that the sleeve made more sense for me. I am sure over time she will come around and just understand that she is fighting with her own insecurities and sometimes in life we put our insecurities above other people accomplishments. it is sad but true and completely normal. Just let her know you are there for her when she is ready and that she is very important to you and your life. Dont give up on her. She may need you more than you need her right now.

What you will have on your hands is a relationship that is constantly being adjusted ... by how much depends on exactly how insecure he is and your own personal reaction to how you are changing. You can't always predict this dynamic in advance, but you can commit to working on it together. Some relationships do just fine, others don't.

If he isn't obese, you could talk about how the two of you can begin to share a healthy lifestyle together now and put it into practice. If he is obese, he could get on board and make changes of his own so he won't feel left behind.

I appreciate all of your advice. Thanks so much