You all know how I would vote. So lets see how many like me are out there.

I don't think it is necessarily productive to try and sort out who is to blame. We are all flawed, we do the best we can, we make mistakes. What happened happened. It's in the past now. It seems to me that the best thing your friend can do is try not to allow these past resentments and regrets to damage her present and future life. Listening to your story it seems to me that a large dose of forgiveness all around, of herself, and her mom, would be the best thing here, if it is possible.

Yes, I agree... regardless of how I feel about what happened to her, I don't blame her mother either, I think she was trying to protect her, I could tell that she loved her, her mom died and I know she loved her mom and I think she forgives her.... but there is something inside her that is not quiet right about the whole thing... you are very right though, thank you.

I agree, she needs counseling. As I see it, she didn't do anything wrong (beyond getting pregnant); she was a minor and had to do what her mother told her. I do think this illustrates the point that for many people, abortions do have consequences. The mother was trying to protect her daughter from them, but just denying or "getting rid of" the physical aspects of the problem did not take away the emotion damage.

I completely agree with everything you said, and yes, abortion does have consequences...physically and emotionally...

I love the insights too, kind of makes us more than just a lap-band!

Boarding school...thats a bitch...DH got sent to one in Kenya when he was 6 , ran away into the shanties in Nairobi twice - lors I love that man he hasnt changed a bit!

You have reacted the way that my sister did, I went one way she went the other, but both the same thing really, she was scared of screwing a kid up, I was determined to do it right, talk about opposite extremes! I am sure that my teenagers will have an long list of things they will never do with their kids...

My sis always ended up with blokes that wanted kids and she used to say when you find a way to carry it, give birth and are willing to sacrifice your whole career to look after it I might think about it. I think that emma (her GF) might just give her a run for her money!

Nina x

P.S Glad to hear that I am not the only person that Prozac numbed from the waist down!

Elena, it sounds like you have a very sensitive understanding of this sad business and thus you are able to help your friend. You knew her mother and so you really can assure your friend that although her mother should not have forced your friend to abort her babies, she made her mistake out of love and concern for her daughter.

And you can urge your friend to get in contact with the address supplied by Gadget.

Hi Elena,

I agree with everyone else, at this stage blame isnt going to help her. I would try to explain to her how much her mum loved her, and that it was a very different time then, when there was an enormous stigma attached to unmarried mums. You must have seen instances where her mum did all the right things, try to remind her of those and maybe she will accept that her mum was trying to do the right thing for her.

I agree that counselling would probably really help her, there could be all sorts of issues tied up there.

Nina x

Thank you, I have told her to attend counseling, but never really gave her a specific place, thank you for the info...she also has problems even talking about it.... I do feel so bad for her though..

There are tons of places that offer healing. If you tell me where you are, I can find one that's local. It's not uncommon for women, years and even decades after the fact, to suffer emotional consequences -- sometimes very extreme. It would be best if you can provide her with a specific place to go to.

!

My sis always ended up with blokes that wanted kids and she used to say when you find a way to carry it, give birth and are willing to sacrifice your whole career to look after it I might think about it. I think that emma (her GF) might just give her a run for her money!

Nina x

P.S Glad to hear that I am not the only person that Prozac numbed from the waist down!

Haha.... I used to say the same thing as your sis did to my mates.

And as for boarding school, I was always in trouble and then I got expelled in my final year before univ for smoking dope. It was a real scandal at the time. My parents wept during the drive home.

:clap2::clap2: PAYBACK!!:biggrin1::biggrin1:

You and my DH would have lots in common :hippie:

Nina x

Elena, it sounds like you have a very sensitive understanding of this sad business and thus you are able to help your friend. You knew her mother and so you really can assure your friend that although her mother should not have forced your friend to abort her babies, she made her mistake out of love and concern for her daughter.

And you can urge your friend to get in contact with the address supplied by Gadget.

Thank you Green, I have told her similar things and I will continue to do so for sure.. I agree with you.

Hi Elena,

I agree with everyone else, at this stage blame isnt going to help her. I would try to explain to her how much her mum loved her, and that it was a very different time then, when there was an enormous stigma attached to unmarried mums. You must have seen instances where her mum did all the right things, try to remind her of those and maybe she will accept that her mum was trying to do the right thing for her.

I agree that counselling would probably really help her, there could be all sorts of issues tied up there.

Nina x

I agree, thank you... I have told her as well... I think she is better now that some years ago... but I still think that counseling will be good for her..

There are tons of places that offer healing. If you tell me where you are, I can find one that's local. It's not uncommon for women, years and even decades after the fact, to suffer emotional consequences -- sometimes very extreme. It would be best if you can provide her with a specific place to go to.

I agree, I feel a little uncomfortable talking to her about this because I know she doesn't like to talk about it, but I think she needs to talk about it though...

I'm in Illinois, but she is now in Tampa, Florida.. I really hope she does get counseling... I appreciate your help.

This contact in Tampa proper is from an organization called Rachael's Vineyard. They were one of the first groups to get started in post-abortion counseling. Contact: 813 631 4370, Emma Boe, eboe@ccdosp.org.

There is another one in Lake Mary, Florida, which is about an hour and a half away from Tampa: CallForHope.org - Reveille Ministries, Inc.

or 866-967-HOPE

There are also national organizations that provide phone counseling, workshops, and referrals. One is Silent No More Awareness Campaign. I can't get to the website right now because of computer problems, but she might want to visit MySpace.com - Divine Diva - 33 - Female - TAMPA, FLORIDA - www.myspace.com/tampasilentnomore. There's a Silent No More Awareness Campaign in Tampa on November 8th -- may be a good thing for her to attend?

Feel free to ask me for more if none of these works.

What's so bad about boarding school?? (i know this is off-topic but i want to know)....I hope that Im almost finished with my degree by the time my child goes to school...I was considering either a private school or boarding school....BUT NEVER PUBLIC SCHOOL!

I was considering either a private school or boarding school....BUT NEVER PUBLIC SCHOOL!

Put homeschooling on that list of things to consider. I highly recommend it :-)

This contact in Tampa proper is from an organization called Rachael's Vineyard. They were one of the first groups to get started in post-abortion counseling. Contact: 813 631 4370, Emma Boe, eboe@ccdosp.org.

There is another one in Lake Mary, Florida, which is about an hour and a half away from Tampa: CallForHope.org - Reveille Ministries, Inc.

or 866-967-HOPE

There are also national organizations that provide phone counseling, workshops, and referrals. One is Silent No More Awareness Campaign. I can't get to the website right now because of computer problems, but she might want to visit MySpace.com - Divine Diva - 33 - Female - TAMPA, FLORIDA - www.myspace.com/tampasilentnomore. There's a Silent No More Awareness Campaign in Tampa on November 8th -- may be a good thing for her to attend?

Feel free to ask me for more if none of these works.

I just copied and posted your post so I can give her the information. Thank you so very much, I should've done this myself long time ago.. I really appreciate it.

Elena