Nervous, anxious, excited,stressed, sad,depressed,happy...I am every single one of those emotions right now and my stomach is in knots. I go in the hospital tomorrow at 12:30 pm for my Sleeve procedure, and I didnt think this day would ever come.

Nervous- Im nervous cause i hate medical facilities and surgeries, I have had quite a few and i always get butterflies the day before and the day of the procedure.

Anxious- cause I just cant wait to just get this over with already, all the preparation and tests and reasoning with myself as to why I need to do it, I just want to be done with it already and move on.

Excited- I was looking at pictures from when I was down to a 34" waist and was 215lbs of pure sexiness, Im excited to get down there again cause I remember how good it felt and how confident and in control of my life I felt.

Stressed- the back and forth reasoning in my head, combined with the unknown and the permanency of the decision I had to make has stressed me beyond belief these past several months.

Sad- cause I know the party is over for me..The time has arrived for me to face my worst enemy and my best friend and part ways with it forever. food...Im sad to see you go for now, but perhaps we will have a healthy relationship after this, not the abusive one sided relation ship we have had for the past 40 years..

Depressed- Im depressed at the fact that I have lost control of my life and my body to the point it has had to come to this. I am ashamed of myself that my motivation to do the right thing has gone away in the past few years and I have given in to food and let myself fail once again in my life.

Happy- Im happy that there is a way out for me and I have chosen to do it finally. I have always told myself "Im not fat enough to do that surgery" when I saw friends do it and loose a ton of weight. I always did not understand and called it the easy way out and thought of them as weak minded cowards...Until I realized this one thing

No matter how hard you try,you can not solve a permanent problem with a temporary solution.

I think I just rushed the whole process and didnt really 100% think it through.. Like I said in another posting to be mentally on board means 100%, not 50% or even 90%...It has to be the full 100% and for me I need the following:

1) I need to know I absolutely can not do this on my own

2)I need to know that surgery is the ONLY option..Period..

That is pretty much what I told my surgeon the other day and he 100% agreed. He said there was no big rush (based on my age and current health). He said "Get your ass out there and see what you can do on your own and if you figure out that you need another tool, I am here to help."

I was hoping to hear that from him because that told me he wasn't just in it to make $$$ off another surgery. But, he knows the statistics and so do I.

GIve yourself a set time period to lose the weight AND keep it off, and go from there. I am going to use my insurance mandated 3 months of physican supervised weight loss to see if I can maintain a lifestyle that I would need to maintain without WLS.

That is pretty much what I told my surgeon the other day and he 100% agreed. He said there was no big rush (based on my age and current health). He said "Get your ass out there and see what you can do on your own and if you figure out that you need another tool, I am here to help."

I was hoping to hear that from him because that told me he wasn't just in it to make $$$ off another surgery. But, he knows the statistics and so do I.

GIve yourself a set time period to lose the weight AND keep it off, and go from there. I am going to use my insurance mandated 3 months of physican supervised weight loss to see if I can maintain a lifestyle that I would need to maintain without WLS.

I can tell you for me it is about 30% physical and 70% mental when I eat. I eat when Im not even hungry just to fill a void..Im in behavioral counseling to determine what that void is how to stop it..I can tell you one thing, from Clear liquids all day Sunday to virtually no food on Monday till Monday around 5:30 pm after I backed out and got home, my body feels better. I was able to move my shoulder in therapy today a lot better and my feet dont hurt as much, a ton of the inflammation is gone just from that one day cleanse. I started eating clean again today and am determined to do something for myself for once. Once i get this mental thing figured out, if Im still a candidate for surgery then I shall revisit. Right now Im going to use the threat of surgery as my motivating factor to get down in weight to a reasonable weight and prolong my life and quality of life..

I totally support your decision. This is a major surgery, and beyond that, it's a major psychological undertaking as well.

I went for a consult on a Lap-Band 2.5 years ago and backed out. At the time, I wanted to have one more child, and the surgeon said he didn't recommend getting a Lap-Band before I was done having kids. But in addition to that, I don't think my head was in the game. In retrospect, I think if I had gotten the surgery back then, I'd have failed post-op.

Now, I'm at the point where I feel mentally ready, plus I've gotten some new issues. My knees hurt, my cholesterol is high. It's time for me. You'll know if and when it's time for you, too.

Good luck on your journey!!!!

This is probably the most compassionate and understanding group of people I have ever seen on any internet forum..Perhaps its all the abuse we have taken most of our lives for being overweight..Thank you everyone for your words and advice, it means a lot to me, it really does. Im going back to see my surgeon next Thursday , firstly to apologize for wasting his time, and secondly to discuss the Lap bands as a less permanent option for me. The whole permanent part of the surgery is too much for me. At least with the lap band if my life is miserable and I regret it, i can undo it.. I think with my weight loss goals Im more of a lap band candidate anyway..

Keep us posted. I was initially interested in the band but started leaning towards the sleeve.

now there is a piece of me that wonders if the band is a better fit.

@@JerseyJules Give yourself credit for realizing your fears and not completely giving up. I would still recommend counseling because I think dealing with the mental issues you have with food would also be helpful for you in maintaining a successful weight loss no matter how you achieve it. Keep the faith!

Well, Im back.....I tried it on my own for the past 2 years and good news is I have not put on any additional weight, but I also have not lost any weight. Im going in on Thursday for my consult to do the Lap Band. I feel it is a better tool for my particular situation. I'm very active, but I only slightly overeat to maintain my current level of fat, without allowing my body to lose it. I feel the band would be a very effective tool for me physically as well as mentally. Ill kep you guys posted!!!