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Tomorrow is the big day!
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Nervous, anxious, excited,stressed, sad,depressed,happy...I am every single one of those emotions right now and my stomach is in knots. I go in the hospital tomorrow at 12:30 pm for my Sleeve procedure, and I didnt think this day would ever come.
Nervous- Im nervous cause i hate medical facilities and surgeries, I have had quite a few and i always get butterflies the day before and the day of the procedure.
Anxious- cause I just cant wait to just get this over with already, all the preparation and tests and reasoning with myself as to why I need to do it, I just want to be done with it already and move on.
Excited- I was looking at pictures from when I was down to a 34" waist and was 215lbs of pure sexiness, Im excited to get down there again cause I remember how good it felt and how confident and in control of my life I felt.
Stressed- the back and forth reasoning in my head, combined with the unknown and the permanency of the decision I had to make has stressed me beyond belief these past several months.
Sad- cause I know the party is over for me..The time has arrived for me to face my worst enemy and my best friend and part ways with it forever. food...Im sad to see you go for now, but perhaps we will have a healthy relationship after this, not the abusive one sided relation ship we have had for the past 40 years..
Depressed- Im depressed at the fact that I have lost control of my life and my body to the point it has had to come to this. I am ashamed of myself that my motivation to do the right thing has gone away in the past few years and I have given in to food and let myself fail once again in my life.
Happy- Im happy that there is a way out for me and I have chosen to do it finally. I have always told myself "Im not fat enough to do that surgery" when I saw friends do it and loose a ton of weight. I always did not understand and called it the easy way out and thought of them as weak minded cowards...Until I realized this one thing
No matter how hard you try,you can not solve a permanent problem with a temporary solution.