No one understands unless they go through this themselves. I am sick and tired of my family and their comments and afraid I will end up blowing up on them. Surgery was 10/29 I lost 25lbs in the first 3 weeks and stalled. Doctor says it's normal but on Thanksgiving a few family members asked my sister why I wasn't losing any weight yet. Then last night at a family gathering there were pork chops, rice, brownies a whole bunch of crap and I didn't have any, just ate my Protein pack and my aunts are telling me I shouldn't be eating cheese and had the nerve to say, 'You know you've been eating this stuff', I was boiling inside so badly but was saved by the doorbell. None of them have a clue about anything regarding this surgery and/or my body. How do I tell them all to shut the hell up and stop watching me in a respectful way because I'm ready to blow up on everyone. And the problem is my family has so many functions, I have to be around them so my daughters can participate also.

I agree with ProjectMe. I was hesitant about going to the Thanksgiving get together because I didn't want anyone to mention my surgery or weight. So, I phoned my mother up a week before and declared that we weren't going if anyone at Thanksgiving dinner mentioned my weight or surgery. This was a big deal because we didn't go to Thanksgiving last year because I was too embarrassed about my weight gain. I only told my mother about my surgery 2 months ago, but she is one that likes to talk. I was pretty sure word had gotten around.

Thanksgiving dinner with the relatives went great. All I got was wonderful compliments. I didn't hear any whispering behind my back either. Who knows what they said when I left the room. I just don't really care. I am happy with how well things are going and I'm really not interested in their opinion.

Your relatives may be more inclined to give their opinion if you talk about surgery or weight loss issues with them frequently. That is what is so great about this forum. If I want to get advice or share something to do with surgery or weight loss, I can just go here. I've been around people that talk endlessly about their diet, exercise regimine, or the obesity epidemic. So annoying!

I value civility very highly and would be the last person anyone would expect to advocate throwing a tantrum. However in your case I think it may be warranted. But just to stay in character, may I suggest a three-step process. Step one, when you're feeling strong and calm, call one of the offenders and ask for their help to spread the word that from now on, comments about your eating habits will not be tolerated because they are detrimental to your efforts. Step two, at the next family gathering, the first time someone breaks the rule, calmly state that the subject is not open for discussion and either change the subject or walk away. Step three, when someone again breaks the rule, forget about decorum -- let fly.

All kinds of great advice here. I think you just have to choose what you think will work the best for you in your situation. Good luck and let us know how it goes!!

I vote for hissy fit, but some people might think my version is a bit passive-aggressive.

The next comment would get peals of laughter from me until I could finally choke out, "oh gosh! you were serious! I had no idea! I cannot imagine why ANYONE would think it is okay to make those comments!" and then walk away, still laughing.

Sharon

I've had to endure LGBT comments. Gooooodie I get to look forward to my surgery/food comments too.

Edited December 7, 201411 yr by HawaiianTexan

I think it comes down to a matter of self care. I have always had a good sense of self. I just have never allowed anyone to make me feel bad or ashamed of who I am. Except for after facial shingles scarred my face I have never not felt beautiful. I've always liked myself and be good at setting up boundaries. I have a large multi-generational family that I love and respect.

I am a firm believer that we teach people how they can treat us. Anytime we quietly seethe or hold in out feelings we only hurt ourselves. I like myself too much to do that. You have to find the way to say "that's not okay". It can be done without having a hissy fit. Whether it's deflection, laughter, changing the subject, you need to find the words and use them.

My mother remains my biggest challenge. Despite many conversations with her about lifestyle changes she only hears "diet" and "weight loss". This has gone back to when I started eating clean and exercising regularly 2 years before my WLS. Since she doesn't get it, I'm not going to put myself in a position to get upset at her or try and hurt my feeling. I simply said, " I do not want to discuss my weight with you." It wasn't said in a mean manner. It was just stated as a simple fact. Post WLS I've had to remind her of this twice. Both times it was "How's the diet coming, have you lost any weight?" I gently remind her that we don't discuss my weight and moved on. There are a thousand things to discuss and share with my family. I'm not going to let one topic ruin those.

Self care is important.

Edited December 7, 201411 yr by BLERDgirl

Well said @@BLERDgirl

No one understands unless they go through this themselves. I am sick and tired of my family and their comments and afraid I will end up blowing up on them. Surgery was 10/29 I lost 25lbs in the first 3 weeks and stalled. Doctor says it's normal but on Thanksgiving a few family members asked my sister why I wasn't losing any weight yet. Then last night at a family gathering there were pork chops, rice, brownies a whole bunch of crap and I didn't have any, just ate my Protein pack and my aunts are telling me I shouldn't be eating cheese and had the nerve to say, 'You know you've been eating this stuff', I was boiling inside so badly but was saved by the doorbell. None of them have a clue about anything regarding this surgery and/or my body. How do I tell them all to shut the hell up and stop watching me in a respectful way because I'm ready to blow up on everyone. And the problem is my family has so many functions, I have to be around them so my daughters can participate also.

I am sorry you have to go through this! Family and friends should be supporting you and encouraging you.

If I were in your place I would write a letter explaining the process and how you are following your doctor's recommendations, and how you are thankful they are trying to help but it's really not needed. Make 10 copies and give them out!

I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope it all works out!

Sheena :-)

I like all of your ideas but I will have to go with the adult hissy fit. I was trying to avoid that since I am passive aggressive and let things slide until I snap and was trying to avoid snapping but I don't care at this point. I even went so far to let my passive mother know that the next time someone says something to prepare herself and not be shocked because it's going down. Worst part is this is the season with all the Christmas and New Years parties but I guarantee everyone will shut up and hold their comments and thoughts to themselves in 2015!

A very few of my closest friends know.... not one family member. At family meals I fix my plate and push food around and talk alot. I had a friend say well "you can't drink and you can't eat" so what are we to do. I said I can eat just not as much as I use to.... Just be patient with them they will never understand until they feel their own weight is killing them. I have even used the excuse at a couple meals - I have been snacking and eating while cooking and I am just full. Remember you did this for you!!!!!

Hearing this makes my blood boil because I can totally relate.

Tell them to mind their own business. I have no problem telling people that I can eat what ever I please and still not gain weight. Though I know that statement could be un-true, for me it is true because I stay on top of it.

I usually sink to childish levels and will make snarky comments back. What's good for the gander is good for the goose... my thoughts anyway.

I would just tell them that you'll pass their opinions on to your nutritionist since they are such experts because cheese IS on the sleeve plan. My Nut wants me eating it all the time. People just need to shut their mouths.

Edited December 9, 201411 yr by JCP

well.. you don't HAVE to go to every function.. seriously.

next time just say, i'm following my doctors orders..

LOL, or just kirk out.. we all need to once in awhile!

Edited December 9, 201411 yr by Chrystee

No one understands unless they go through this themselves. I am sick and tired of my family and their comments and afraid I will end up blowing up on them. Surgery was 10/29 I lost 25lbs in the first 3 weeks and stalled. Doctor says it's normal but on Thanksgiving a few family members asked my sister why I wasn't losing any weight yet. Then last night at a family gathering there were pork chops, rice, brownies a whole bunch of crap and I didn't have any, just ate my protein pack and my aunts are telling me I shouldn't be eating cheese and had the nerve to say, 'You know you've been eating this stuff', I was boiling inside so badly but was saved by the doorbell. None of them have a clue about anything regarding this surgery and/or my body. How do I tell them all to shut the hell up and stop watching me in a respectful way because I'm ready to blow up on everyone. And the problem is my family has so many functions, I have to be around them so my daughters can participate also.

Till this day....only my husband and a few distant friends know I had WLS....for these reasons exactly.

First of all, congratulations! You have reached The Dreaded Week-3 Stall. You may even be getting to the end of it. It's perfectly normal, and just about all of us have suffered through it. You're not crazy, and your doctor didn't screw up. In fact, you might not lose any weight for two weeks or even longer. But don't worry – after that, the weight will start falling off if you stick to your program. And, the inches will continue to come off even while the scale isn't budging. Here's a good article that explains why it happens and why we all have to go through it. Hang in there. Pretty soon it'll be in the rear-view mirror and you'll be dropping weight again like crazy!

You did the right and courageous thing sticking with Protein for Thanksgiving, especially in the face of such criticism.

And here's what I'd say to unsupportive people...

Thanks for your concern. Listen, I've started hundreds of diets over the years, and look where they got me – miserable and unhealthy. So I've decided to go with a modern technique that's proven to be the most effective weight-loss tool there is. It'll still take a lot of hard work, but I'm optimistic. I'm really excited about it and I hope you'll be happy for me too. It's a really cool procedure! If you're interested, I can tell you about it...

I find that most people are hooked at this point and want to hear more. Information is what gets people on board. And then they stop judging.

But if they still insist on giving you a hard time, tell them, "Look, I've made a major decision to improve my health and turn my life around. If you can't be supportive, then I'm afraid I can't be around you right now."

Then go find supportive people to hang out with, go to a bariatric support group in your area, and spend time on forums like these.

Good luck and keep making the right choices. It's SO worth it!!!!!