husbands, boobs and other worries

[FrankyG 1,450]

Two weeks from today is my surgery date. I've got my registration and hospital testing scheduled next week and I am alternating between being excited and wanting to cancel everything.

My husband admitted that he sort of wishes I wasn't doing it - he worries I'll lose too much weight, and he likes "curvy girls," and is definitely a boob guy, which I already knew. But he said that logically it makes sense to get this done since I'm having difficulties now, and he wants me to be healthy and hadn't said anything because he knew he was being irrational (about the appearance factor), and he loves me, I'm his best friend, and he supports me. But he's also a little scared that things will change so much that I won't love him as much any more. Sigh. And of course there are no guarantees in all of this - we'll just have to do our best to stay committed to our relationship and communicating as we go along and hope that we come through it all still wanting to be with each other. We've been married just over 12 years, so I'd like to think we have weathered most crap that can break up a marriage (serious health issues, infertility, extreme family issues) and still managed to come through that without too much damage.

That being said, I am also worried about losing too much weight. I don't want to be a size 4 or even a size 10. I would be much happier to be a size 14-16. That would mean me losing around 110 pounds, which is in the realm of "average" weight loss for my size/height. But then I read about most of the sleevers losing so much weight that they are sizes 4-10 and that bothers me since I thought the sleeve was supposed to be for losing an average of 60-70% of the excess weight? So a whole lot of folks on here are either crazy successful with their sleeves or the average loss is higher than what my doc told me.

I would be fine with some saggy skin, but I don't want to lose my boobs/butt or my hourglass shape, and sure as hell don't want to have to get a boob job with implants to make up for the fact that my boobs "deflated." I just want to be a good weight to be able to get my flexibility and stamina back and feel like going out and doing all the things I used to enjoy... and still look good (which I don't think I will if I got down lower than a size 14).

It does seem like after a certain point - about a year out? - you can control how much weight you put back on once the sleeve adjusts and you're able to eat any food, so I told him even if I got down to a lower weight than I wanted, I can always increase the calories to make sure I get back to my goal weight. I'm pretty sure that would work?

[GAGirl2015 14]

I have not had surgery yet, but it seems to me all the people who have lost lots of weight busted their butt working out and following their doctor's diet plan. The sleeve alone won't make you too skinny.

[FrankyG 1,450]

I have not had surgery yet, but it seems to me all the people who have lost lots of weight busted their butt working out and following their doctor's diet plan. The sleeve alone won't make you too skinny.

But if I'm following my doctor's suggested diet, and exercising (which I planned to do) that may mean that I could lose more weight than I had planned on losing. Which is my point. I know that the sleeve alone isn't some magic pill that melts off the weight - it is a tool that will help me if I'm putting in the effort. I'm just a bit worried that it might work too well if I'm doing all the stuff I'm supposed to be doing. Or I'm going to be one of the lucky ones that has minimum weight loss and this is all worry over nothing.

[GAGirl2015 14]

I think you just have too much running through your head before surgery like we all do. I have 100 lbs to lose to be in average weight range for my height. 100 lbs seems like the biggest/hardest number ever to me and I just pray I can at least come close to that. So I think we should just both shoot for 100 first and go from there because I think it is going to be really tough because all the stuff I have read tonight are people saying they are discouraged and losing too slowly.

[nolongerhere 100]

I could have written this word for word...

Edited December 18, 2014 by islandsneezer

[momohime 121]

When you reach whatever your goal weight is, you start working on maintenance. It's part of your MD/NUT's plan too! You just might get to that stage a little earlier (or later -- all depends on you!) than some. I can see where it might be possible to lose a little more weight than you intended if you up your calories slowly when you start maintenance, but.. I don't think you should worry too much about going from a size 12 to a size 4 if that's not what you want.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

None of us can predict the outcome of this surgery as individuals down to pounds lost - that's why there are statistics.However, I'm willing to bet that you don't need to worry. I could EASILY gain weight - probably every pound I lost. I'm a size 8/10, (started at a 24/26) but would rather be in a 6. I could probably get there if I worked super, super hard. I think a lot of people work hard to get to those smaller sizes - it was not magic or mysterious in any way.

As you lose weight, you'll start to learn what it takes to lose it, and then when you get to a weight you want, you'll figure out what it takes to stay there. Barring any unforeseen problems, you can choose your weight, especially when you want to weight more. It's pretty easy to get in a few high calorie things to accomplish that. Most of us struggle trying to get off a few more pounds, and that's when your body might refuse to drop more weight - not the other way around.

[livvsmum 2,368]

I agree with what someone else said. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your head right now and I think it's normal to have a lot of kind of panicky thoughts at the last minute. I had a minor "freak out" about a week before surgery, but I went back to the list I made of all the reasons I wanted to have surgery and reminded myself of why I am doing it.

Regarding losing too much weight. You are in control of that. If you follow the plan you will lose pretty quickly at first, but at a certain point, your body will balance itself out (ideally) and you will (ideally) settle at your healthy weight. Afterall, that is what this is about (at least for me it was). So I wouldn't worry about that part of it.

Regarding boobs. Yes. IF you lose a ton of weight they will likely change, but everyone is different. I lost 140 pounds and went from a 40D to a 34B. So yeah. I'm totally ok with it though. That is honestly the least of my concerns. But if it is a real concern between you and your husband I guess you just have to weigh the pros and cons and see which is more important to you both....losing the weight or keeping your boobs as-is.

Regarding your hubby's feelings. I think that my husband has struggled with feeling like I may not want him as much now that I am thin to some extent. He's told me that sometimes he worries about it. But we just talk through it and I reassure him that while I have changed a lot both inside and out, my feelings for him have not. And, yes, I do get attention when we are out places that maybe I didn't get before, but it's not something I've asked for and I don't play into it at all. If anything it has strengthened our relationship because I've started to love myself again and that translates to how I can love others as well.

Just some thoughts. :-)

[bikrchk 1,313]

It's not clear from your profile or ticker how much you have to lose. If you're concerned about going below a 16 my advice is to seek some professional guidance from a bariatric nutritionist or psychologist with bariatric experience. I don't entirely believe that you weight will "choose you", but in my own experience, I went from an 18 to an 6 in 6 months with what I consider little effort. I'm currently in a 4 and maintaining well. I'm in a healthy BMI place and like they way I look for the most part. I've never had much of a butt to begin with. What's left is non-existent. Up top is much smaller as well. My point is, YOUR BODY WILL CHANGE and both you and the hubbs need to be prepared to deal with it.

[FrankyG 1,450]

I would like to lose around 100-120 pounds - my goal weight is about 175. I was that for a very long time, and I was in great shape there while still being really happy with how I looked.

I do appreciate the responses so far. I'm definitely having the short-time-left jitters!

[JCP 619]

Don't fret! A year out you will have much more flexibility in what you eat. You are not going to waste away, if you prefer curves, find the right way of eating to support that by experimenting. Even though we are sleeved and our stomach is smaller, we have the option to eat different foods and more often if we choose. You will be in control. Don't worry! Congratulations on this great positive step for your life and health!