Telling about surgery

[VSG_lauren 104]

I have been public about my surgery! I love telling others because WLS has a bad reputation and I don't feel that telling someone my weight loss is from diet and exercise is truthful... That just gives others false hope. I was open about it at work and Facebook. No one has been negative but if they were I would care about their opinion. God and VSG have changed my life and saved it.. I want to tell everyone!

Edited November 15, 2014 by VSG_lauren

[built2livenotexist 119]

I've told only 2 people personally. I have had people remark that I'm losing or look great but have yet to have anyone ask me if I had the surgery or how I'm losing weight. I'm not sure what I would/will say if it comes up. I'd written a previous post about dealing with some fat friends who I hadn't told about the surgery and got a few great responses that allowed me to think about my original choice to keep mum.

I work in the human services field. Keeping the confidence of others is a part of my job.Even when directly asked by a clients' anxious spouse or parent, I cannot ethically divulge information that I have about the client. Even when I want to.

I'm a firm believer in the right to privacy, especially around disease processes and the treatment of those diseases. I think that this is a personal decision for us all, and I know that, for me, it wasn't an easy one. I also think that any of us has the right to respond however they wish, when someone asks us about our weight loss and how it's achieved.

I am glad to hear so many positive reports of the people who have shared with others. I will keep that in mind.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

look its a simple point, not teling the truth is a lie. period that is the definition of the word. its not omission or partial truth telling etc. if you don't want people to know just tell them its None of their business. its simple.

I do not understand why you would rather lie than just not tell the person anything. and I already said one person mentioned a person that would prevent them from getting the time off, which is a great reason not to tell. I agree you don't have to announce it. that's fine great I agree! tell them nothing. that's perfectly respectable to NOT SAY ANYTHING.

Maybe I am saying it wrong. do whatever you wish. its your right I have never denied it. but I have been castigated for saying that not telling the truth, is a lie. The reason behind the lie is your business, Im not disputing that, do whatever you want I have no say in it. My personal opinion is that I want to remove the false belief that the surgery is cheating or a failure, and instead show people what it really takes, so that other people who come after will have their choices made easier. Why is it so bad that I would like to see the bias against the surgery be eradicated?

I'll be sure to run my "excuses", "lies", "reasons", and various other choices in who I tell and what I tell for your approval in the future because having walked in my shoes, I'm sure you know more about my life and my journey than I do.

[Stevehud 1,790]

thank you once again for not paying attention. its amazing how many times you will avoid what I say completely and just attack me.

I have said over and over what you do is your business I have never voiced approval or not at your decision, I am simply, stating the definition of the word "LIE" if you don't like it call websters damn dictionary and berate them for not changing it to whatever the heck you wish.

I get it you do not share my beliefs in helping educate people about bariatric surgery, fine, no one is forcing you.

Edited November 15, 2014 by Stevehud

[thesuse2000 698]

Just to get back the original topic, and share my experience about telling...

When I had my lap band surgery I didn't talk about it as freely as I now talk about my sleeve. I told all my friends and family, and a few people at work, but not all. I also lost more slowly, and I'm not sure if anyone asked me the "how" question back then. It did make me anxious though when my weight came up. I would feel like I was hiding something if someone complimented my weight loss and I didn't mention it. But at that time I just didn't want to tell all. Partly because I was less confident about longterm success - and didn't want to be judged for regaining weight after bariatric surgery.

5 years later with the sleeve (and at a different job) I told a few people at work, but I had just told most colleagues that I was having surgery but didn't specify what sort (and no one asked). After my sleeve surgery I debated whether or not to tell and my a-ha moment was just after surgery I had a thought that I hoped I didn't lose TOO quickly after surgery, which might make the link between the surgery and the weight obvious. As soon as I had that thought I realized I just needed to tell. I was worried that I might actually sabotage my own success for the sake of trying to keep a secret, and I didn't want that to happen.

Again, that's just me! I'm sure only a few would relate to my personal psychological perspective and experience, but sharing in case it helps.

Once I decided to tell I found it empowering. I don't tell everyone randomly, but when someone asks me how I did it - or quite often I'm asked what my "secret" to success is - I tell them. And a couple times I've told just because someone was kind of making a big deal about how "amazing" my transformation is.

I work at a large advertising agency in Manhattan. Lots of skinny people. I've told at least 25 people (of all sizes) at this point and NO ONE has reacted negatively! Everyone has said something along the lines of "Good for you!". For what it's worth, people generally seem to understand that the surgery doesn't guarantee success, and that my success reflects my commitment to the process. And I've had a few in-depth conversations with people who've considered the surgery. I share my experience, and also relate other perspectives I've read here of people who've had very different experiences from me. I enjoy being a resource, but also want to be sure not to mislead anyone that they'll definitely have as positive an experience as I have (in terms of lack of complications as well as rate of weight loss).

I know everyone's circumstances are different. I feel very lucky that my overall experience has been so positive and that the people in my life are generally very supportive of my weight loss journey with this surgery. I know that not everyone has that. And deciding whether or not to tell needs to be based on each person's personal perspective and the realities of their environment.

[Mrs. Reid 392]

I think that the people on this board who insist that their way is the only true way...and make rude and shaming comments to others who do not share their point of view should be flagged. This forum is about SUPPORT! It's not about projecting your own attitudes on other people.

[bikrchk 1,313]

I SO AGREE! You never know who needs to see the example you've become! I told my friends, family and work peeps up front and I'm honest with anyone who asks. I've had very little negative energy. Maybe it's because if they're not on my side in this battle for my health I don't give a rats ass what they think, maybe it's cause I believe most of the time, you get back what you put out there. In any case, being honest has given me the opportunity to help and educate others as well as be a mentor which helps hold me accountable!

[Elode 8,093]

I tell everybody I want to tell because I'm a big mouth! That's right I'm a big mouth! I will tell people even if they don't want to hear! If I don't feel like telling someone I won't....because I don't have to. Bobby Brown said it best when he said "that's my prerogative "! As individuals with individule brains I think we can all use our brain cells to make choices on what we want to devulge to whom....nobody is right and nobody is wrong....now argue that!✌️(P.s. It's the weekend!!! Yay! Don't spend this weekend getting your panties all bunched just let it go....Let it go????????????)

Edited November 15, 2014 by Elode

[LipstickLady 25,682]

thank you once again for not paying attention. its amazing how many times you will avoid what I say completely and just attack me.

I have said over and over what you do is your business I have never voiced approval or not at your decision, I am simply, stating the definition of the word "LIE" if you don't like it call websters damn dictionary and berate them for not changing it to whatever the heck you wish.

I get it you do not share my beliefs in helping educate people about bariatric surgery, fine, no one is forcing you.

Ok. Tell me where I "lied".

[jems 36]

As of now, only a few of my family members know and 2 friends. I am not telling the world... just yet. While I know I am going to do everything I can to make the most out of my tool, a small part of me is afraid of failure, because as most of you know yoyoing sucks and diets fail. I know this isn't a diet, but a new way of living, but as it is new (surgery scheduled in December) I haven't "succeeded" yet.

I think after I have had the surgery and made progress I will open up about it. It really is no one else's business what I do with my body, but if someone asks me how I did it, I will be 100% honest. I know I would feel lied to of my dad, who had RNY told me he lost his 100+ pounds by "just diet and exercise" alone.. and that I could do the same. I've tried diet and exercise and succeeded briefly but ultimately failed. That is why I am having the surgery. I don't want to discourage someone into thinking they can magically only eat 1/2 cup of food for a meal and feel full. In my opinion that would be lying by omission.

Obviously, not everyone here agrees. And that is fine. That is just how I feel about it and what I plan to do. I wish everyone well on their journey.

[Summer Rain 245]

I told my husband and my adult children.

Since my surgery 11 days ago I have had two healthcare professionals (I use the term "professional" loosely) have made derogatory comments about me having had Bariatric surgery. These are people in the medical field that should be better informed or should know to keep their opinions to themselves since they are not doctors. So, with these experiences I can't imagine telling my family or others. I think it is an extremely personal decision and every person has to do what's best for them with no judgement from the rest of us.

Summer

[Stevehud 1,790]

people, you're not understanding what we are saying.. no one is saying you have t tell, that's not it at all. were just saying its not honest for YOU to tell someone you lost the weight without mentioning you had help from the surgery. That's all, no one is saying you have to tell people. as a matter of fact I have repeatedly said you should tell nosy people to mind their own business. And I never said I want anyone to counsel people who are on the fence about having surgery. What I said was I would like people to educate the people who do not know better as to what people go through on this surgery so then other people wont have to face that negativity.

Lipsticklady I never said you lied, I don't why you made that up. I was never actually talking about or to, you. You jumped in on me.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

were just saying its not honest for YOU to tell someone you lost the weight without mentioning you had help from the surgery.

You're wrong.

Do you expect men who use Viagra to tell people they have a little help in the boudoir or are they lying?

Do you expect parents with fertility problems to let others know they used artificial insemination or is that also a lie?

Perhaps women who are complimented on their figure should let the world know they've had a boob job, or you know, they are lying.

Transgender people should give full disclosure instead of trying to live a normal life, because they really SHOULD be fighting that stigma. Or you know, they are lying, too.

Whatever. Judge me as a liar all you want for not telling everyone who asks about my weight loss surgery. It's actually people like you that prevent me from wanting to do so. So thanks. After all, you ARE the expert at this, right?

[GreenEyes604 753]

@@LipstickLady PREACH!!!!

[kimpossible67 608]

Great comparison ^

Can we return to normal please???