I learned some things last night

[Ky89 86]

So a few things happened last night that had me thinking that I should change the way I perceive myself.

So last night my friend had a sayonara party, she's leaving Japan. At some point everyone decided to tell about the first time we met our friend or some funny story. Well I'm a very very shy person so when it got around to me, my face was hot and I had tears in my eyes because I really don't like so much attention on me!! I told a really lame and short story and we left it at at, but I felt so bad that I messed that up.

After the goodbye party some people decided to go to a club for dancing. I'm sure you guys could figure out how I feel about bars and clubs. So we get to the club and while everyone else is dancing and having fun I'm sitting at the table watching. I have rhythm but I'm just awkward and I don't know what to do with my hands.

I finally go on the dance floor and while I'm moving from side to side feeling embarrassed because I think people are thinking "oh God, a fat girl. I hope she doesn't step on my toes," I'm looking at this Japanese girl trying to dance and then I think, 'well she looks like she's having fun,' and it hit me that I really shouldn't be so worried about not being the best dancer, it's about having fun!

So around 3am I decided to leave this group and see my other friend at his bar since it was his one year bar anniversary. I go to tell my guy friend that I had a crush on that I'm leaving and it seemed like he just brushed me off and went back to dancing. Now that hurt me a little but I'm going to assume he was drunk and thought I was just going to the bathroom or something.

What you'll find out about me is, it's the little things that hurt me the most and the little things that make me happy.

So I'm at my friend's bar and I notice the gorgeous Brazilian DJ keeps looking at me. And I'm thinking 'oh no he's probably disgusted that some overweight ugly girl is in his presence.' (I know I shouldn't think like that because we are all beautiful). But my friend translated for me and she told me that he thought I was beautiful and he was glad to meet me and he wanted to dance with me!!!

Now I was a little shocked about that because guys don't tell me I'm beautiful and they want to dance with me very often especially beautiful guys. I told him thank you but I was too shy to dance and I think he was disappointed, as was I because I would really LOVE to dance with him, but as usual my fear of everyone watching and judging me made me withdraw into myself.

I missed a very lovely and fun opportunity to put myself out there and I hate that I always do that!! I know that when I have my surgery I won't magically have all the confidence in the world but I think I can start feeling more comfortable around other people.

One more thing happened that made me feel happy. At the end of all this, like around 730am ????, I'm saying goodbye to everyone and one of my friends says that I am her favorite person when she comes to her boyfriend's bar and she thinks I'm beautiful and she likes my smile and then everyone else was like yeah she's pretty and she has a nice smile and a cheerful presence. And now I'm crying like a baby while I'm writing this because these beautiful and sexy and lovely people don't care that I'm overweight, they like me for me and that's all I could ask for in friends. And I hope one day I can see myself the way they see me...

Sorry for this long post guys.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I lost 130 pounds when I was age 28 without WLS. I couldn't keep it off but I will tell you that my confidence increased so much that I knew in my heart getting and keeping the weight off at age 53 with WLS would change my life. It is changing my life. You have wonderful things in store for yourself. Be patient and treat yourself the gentle way you would treat a dear friend. Your whole life and outlook is going to change and then you will see and believe about yourself all of the beautiful things your friends say about you already. We finally finally finally begin to love and value ourselves. For me there's no going back.

[gowalking 10,790]

I feel your pain sweetheart. I suspect most of us do. JustWatchMe is right. Treat yourself like a queen because you are one. I don't mean someone who feels entitled, I mean someone who is sweet and thoughtful and fragile. We hide so much of ourselves behind our size and when we are finally free of the weight, we seem to rise to the top.

I struggle with this new size for sure. I'm very small now and not used to it. But it is a struggle I work on all the time and each day I get a little bit better. I am very excited for you as you begin this amazing journey. Keep us posted and stick around for as long as you need or want to. There is tremendous support on this site and we will help you every step of the way.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Learning and changing is a big part of this journey. Learning to love yourself will take real work. I think it is more then just the weight issue. I think that you do not like most things about yourself and need to look deep to see the wonderful person you are within and out.

Being shy is a type of personality. It is not a bad thing. But it can hamper your successes in life. One of your goals needs to be to learn to like you now and in the future. You will struggle like we all do. But you can do this and still be the sweet girl that I just read about in your own words.

It would be wonderful if you could enjoy life and not hold back but to be honest it takes all kinds of people to make this world go round and you would be someone I would seek out to be friends with because you are real! Honest and true. Don't lose that hun......

Isn't it wonderful to find out that people think nice things about us when we ourselves see us as some alien that does not belong here. You are not an alien. You are a sweet lady who should recognize your beauty as is and build on it. And as you go on this new journey learn to love you for you as well as making better health choices.....

Edited November 9, 2014 by RJ'S/beginning

[Ky89 86]

Thank you everyone!! I do want to start working on myself now and figuring out how to love myself.

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@Ky89 I think you are doing pretty awesome! Your learning what makes you comfortable and how to respond to the world outside of your comfort zone. There is nothing wrong with the things you are feeling, and I know what you mean about the little things...but sometimes those little things are merely our own perception we are reflecting back. Like what happened with the DJ you were thinking he was thinking one thing and he was really thinking the other! All I can say is give people and yourself a chance. If you are already expecting the worst than it can only get better from there, and if it's not well you were ready for the worst already so your ahead of the game!

Besides I totally think you are out there enjoying life and friends...just reading your post I was getting tired!! Your out all hours of the night and day and enjoying all groups of friends and that is awesome!! Keep enjoying and living it up!!

[Essence46 493]

Oh man.... I can soo relate to this. I wish I could give you a hug. I agree with what the others have said. We have to love ourselves. I equated me being fat to me being fat, ugly, unworthy, etc. I didn't love myself. I let the weight destroy my self esteem.. my spirit.. my joy. I didn't realize that I was awesome at any size.

Losing the weight has really helped my confidence. It's good and bad. It's good because I am on a new journey to loving me. It's bad because I was deserving of my own love 50 pounds heavier. I didn't see the beauty others saw in myself because I couldn't see past the weight.

You are awesome. You are worthy. You are beautiful. Being big or small.. doesn't change that. I look foward to following you on your journey.Wishing you the best.

Edited November 10, 2014 by Essence46

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I think working on this is one of the most important long term success factors. When I was in my early 20s I got down to a slim weight and regained it mostly because I was FREAKED OUT about being slim, noticed, attractive, low self esteem, getting too much attention etc.

This time, I am older and wiser and have the good fortune to find "my give a damn is busted" so found that aspect much easier this go around!

[Shell88 157]

@@Ky89 Oh sweetheart..... I could not understand you better....

I was the awkward friend. There's a reason I was always the designated driver - I was afraid of making a fool of myself more than I was already, just being heavy and hanging around all of these smaller, more fun people. I wish I could have went for this WTS sooner. But my daughter came into my life first.... so the life of parties, and bars, and trying to lure in guys went out the window. But part of me wished I had the chance to do it all over again - as a smaller girl.

I commend you for being so honest about your feelings, and NEVER apologize for voicing them or posting them. It's healthier than holding it in. You are a fellow Dec sleever - and I wish you the most luck! Know that you are beautiful, and you will continue being beautiful sleeve or no sleeve. Have this surgery, and live it up for us fat girls who came before you and didn't get the chance to enjoy our teens and twenties like you still can! Show them what you got!!!

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Am I the only fat chick who thinks she's cute? I do and even though I know I needed to do this surgery for my health and quality of life, I have never not thought I was cute or attractive to men, or worthy of love and attention. NEVER. When I dress up and walk into a room I feel confident because I know I look good.

Ladies, LOVE YOURSELF! No matter what your size now or in the future, LOVE YOURSELF. You are all worth it, I swear.

[surrey1987 12]

@@Ky89, I think we are around the same age. I'm 27 and like you feel exactly the same about my weight and my lack of confidence affects everything I do. I haven't been out out for about 2 years!! I know this will improve for me when I've had my surgery and lost some weight, I previously lost 5stone with Cambridge diet and felt on top of the world!

Count down begins!

On a separate note I am thinking of traveling and working in the next year and really want to go to Japan. I'm doing my tefl atm and I hope the wls will boost my confidence to teach, how do you find living there? I would be thinking maximum a year before moving onto somewhere else.

Good luck! I can't wait to run with the opportunities and start living!

[Ky89 86]

@@Ky89, I think we are around the same age. I'm 27 and like you feel exactly the same about my weight and my lack of confidence affects everything I do. I haven't been out out for about 2 years!! I know this will improve for me when I've had my surgery and lost some weight, I previously lost 5stone with Cambridge diet and felt on top of the world!

Count down begins!

On a separate note I am thinking of traveling and working in the next year and really want to go to Japan. I'm doing my tefl atm and I hope the wls will boost my confidence to teach, how do you find living there? I would be thinking maximum a year before moving onto somewhere else.

Good luck! I can't wait to run with the opportunities and start living!

I really love living in Japan, the culture is amazing. I would definitely recommend coming here!! A TEFL will definitely give you an advantage over other teachers without one. Just be careful when picking which school to work for. I can message you whatever you want to know about Japan and the working conditions here.

Im also excited about really living my life!! I cant wait to see how my future self differs from my present self!!

[orionova 27]

Ky89, have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? No, I'm not saying you're crazy, honest! But you do seem to have self-esteem issues, along with a stong shyness that can hold you back if you let it, and talking to a therapist or couselor can help with both issues. You are so much more than you realise! I saw on another thread, that you had trouble with a man who kept talking to you, and you didn't want to hurt his feelings, but it freaked you out. Therapy can help you in situations like that, as well. I used to be very much like you, and seeing someone has rreally helped me. I'll always be an introvert, but I am able to express my feelings so much better now, and I don't put myself down nearly as much as I used to. (I'm a work in progress still.)

Good luck to you, whatever you do.

[Ky89 86]

Ky89, have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? No, I'm not saying you're crazy, honest! But you do seem to have self-esteem issues, along with a stong shyness that can hold you back if you let it, and talking to a therapist or couselor can help with both issues. You are so much more than you realise! I saw on another thread, that you had trouble with a man who kept talking to you, and you didn't want to hurt his feelings, but it freaked you out. Therapy can help you in situations like that, as well. I used to be very much like you, and seeing someone has rreally helped me. I'll always be an introvert, but I am able to express my feelings so much better now, and I don't put myself down nearly as much as I used to. (I'm a work in progress still.)

Good luck to you, whatever you do.

Yes, I have actually thought about seeing someone. I would just have to work up the nerves to let someone in. Im very stubborn, so my mom says lol. But I do think after surgery I will most definitely have to talk to someone about all the changes. I wont be able to keep everything in and keep my sanity. Im moving back to the US in May so I will have to search for someone then.

[jacileggs 402]

Have you heard of brene brown? She's is an amazing researcher /author. Her recent book Daring Greatly is an excellent read. She Talks about putting ourselves out there and daring to be vulnerable. It has helped me a lot and I highly recommend it to anyone who is struggling.