Goal weight and family negative family members

[auntiemel 275]

My goal weight is 150 or maybe even lower. I am only 5'4 and that would put me in a normal BMI range. I told my sister my goal weight and she said that that is ridiculous and too skinny!

For me, it is what I am striving for, but I'm wondering if she is just jealous, as then I would no longer be the "biggest sister" out of us 4 girls. Whenever her and I get into an argument I can guarantee that she will say something about my weight, and if I get to be less than her, I think she will have issues with it. I'm not sure what her weight is, but it is over 200. She was telling me I should make my goal 250!!!!!????? Well if that was my goal, I wouldn't have even had surgery. The whole thing frustrates me to no end!!!!

[NotGoingThere 19]

You can bet she is jealous. You are right--a BMI at 250 for your height is still over 40! No way would that be a healthy weight. Your goal is much more realistic, and HEALTHY! Ignore it, and keep going!

[MichiganChic 3,262]

Your goal weight it your decision, and likely, you won't decide until you get closer to goal. It's hard to know how your body will respond, and what it will "allow", and how you will feel, and you'll look. One thing for sure - 250 is not too skinny for a person who is 5'4"! I'm also 5'4", and at my weight of around, I look pretty normal. I'm shocked by that because the number seems too high, and I would still like to lose another 10-20 pounds, but I'm fairly stuck here.

So, I don't know what motivates your sister, but I wouldn't engage in a dialogue with her about this. If she has your best interests at heart, she will be there for you and support you. If she has some need for you to be heavier than her, then she's not the best support person for you. Either way she is your sister, and arguing with her over YOUR weight seems like a waste of time to me. Leave her out of the equation and achieve your goals as you see fit! Who knows - you may inspire her.

[finediva 979]

@auntiemel. Well, you know what it is right? The age old sibling rivalry. Pity that she references your weigh when you two get into it. Not fair at all. But people, siblings included, will pick at our scabs. I believe hurt people, hurt people; as in when some people are in pain they tend to want to inflict pain. That being said, you do know what you have to do. Work on YOUR desired goal weight. Do that with or without her support and approval and keep moving on to better health and happiness.

[Suzamundo 51]

I'm 5'8" and MY goal weight is lower than 150. She's jealous. Keep going.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

250?!? Just smile, nod and do what you want, no discussion needed.

[crystalsleeve 36]

I have also always been heavier than my sister. She commented that I was getting close to her weight now so she better get busy. I think she is genuinely uncomfortable with the thought of me actually being smaller than her. I don't blame her though. We all use other people as a measurement for ourselves. We look at them and judge weather we are smaller or larger than they are. It's a natural behavior.

[Comeflywithme 402]

The one thing I have noticed since I've been losing weight is the "heavy" friends will not comment on how good I look, or how I'm losing weight or anything. Yup, pure jealousy. Keep going, get to your goal weight and shrug off those who are envious or jealous -- don't let them get a rise out of you, no matter who they are.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I have always been the heaviest of all my siblings. Except for 5 years. My older sister by 2 years held back that she weighed 1 lb heavier then me for that time.

As I gained weight and she did as well. she was much relieved that I had passed her and her children and she herself made reference to it several times over the years.

Now I am smaller then most of them and because of distance and lack of association they are not able to connect the difference in me. So for now they feel safe with their heavier selves.

Life is a funny thing. I feel so sad for those who define themselves by whether someone is heavier then themselves. Sad and pathetic!

She really needs to let you do what you think is best and only interfere if you get to be too small and your health is affected by that.

Let her deal with her issues while you are dealing with yours.

Edited October 21, 2014 by RJ'S/beginning

[momohime 121]

I'm 5'4 and weighed 260 at my highest. Day of surgery, I was 233. Right now, I'm sitting at 148.. which is actually still considered overweight by BMI charts. I would like to get down to about 120, which is close to the middle of my normal BMI. People keep telling me that I can stop losing weight now, that I'm going to blow away.. but I just have to smile and nod at them. It does no good to argue with them, believe me!

I really do think jealousy has something to do with it. People are always comparing themselves to others. Hell, even I do that now. I'm secretly walking around work like, YES! I'M NOT ONE OF THE FATTEST ONES ANYMORE. Feels real good for me, but for them.. probably not so much. I've always been heavier than my SO, although.. only by about 20 pounds or so when we first got together. He's since gained about 30 pounds and for the first time ever, I weigh less than him. I almost didn't want to tell him, because I was afraid of how he'd react. It definitely shifts people's perspectives in a way they don't normally like, at least not at first.. but they'll get used to it eventually.

[Roo101769 742]

Jealousy is a petty emotion, yet a human one. Sounds to me your siblings are jealous that you chose to change your life and improve your health. You decided for a real change, not a fly by night lose 20lbs, gain back 30lbs solution. It is possible they are even scared. Scared that you will somehow change and not be the sister they are "used to" and you know what? They are probably right. As people who have spent years obese or morbidly obese lose the weight attitudes do change. A LOT of us spent our heavy lives doing all we could to get along, not rock the boat. When you have weight issues and the associated self image problems ( not to mention health problems) you tend to be more accommodating of others. As you lose the weight and start to discover yourself, find out who was hiding under all the fat, a lot of times we become less accommodating as we become more self assured. People who have taken advantage of our "giving" nature suddenly see we won't take the abuse or neglect we once did. It does change a lot of interpersonal relationships. Those who truly love us, who want the best for us, will change along with us.

Your family may also struggle with their own self images. It is always easier to be around someone bigger so you aren't the biggest person. For YEARS this was a dynamic with my own sister. ( although we have MUCH more going on to cause issue than comparing BMI) I did this for me, no one else. Same goes for you. They will eventually give up their lost cause. In fact, your decision may motivate them to make changes in their own lives. Until that day comes though you just do what you do for YOU. You are on a path to better yourself and be healthy. Don't let their negativity divert you from your goals.

[crystalsleeve 36]

They may not mean to project their jealousy onto you. They may just be jealous for themselves like we have all been when that person with the perfect body walks by.

[Elode 8,093]

Jealous! That's sad! All I have as far as siblings is a big Ol brother who I am hoping that my surgery will inspire along with my mother seeing as they are both much bigger than myself.I am the family "guinea pig" but that's ok because it's an even bigger motivator for me to show my family that it is possible to lose the weight after all our failed diets. I hope your sister will take the opportunity to take this healthy life style change you are making and use it to educate and help herself also. She may not have the surgery but she could learn some heathy habits with you. Or you guys can just make it a HEALTHY competition and see who can lose the most lol! If she doesn't want to be nice and support you maybe you could pass your old clothes down to her on your way to heathy fit land???????

[layknee 357]

At the beginning of my journey I have one sister and I weighed about 3 of her. But she always been very supportive of what I wanted.

[auntiemel 275]

Great! She was calling me a fat ass bitch again today!

I love her, but I just can't take the negativity and mean nature anymore!