In my life before I was fat I think I remember liking myself. I thought I was nice, well mannered, courteous, and a good friend. I feel like I have lost myself and I think that is why I am getting ready for major surgery to help me lose weight. I am not sure when it all started changing (or maybe I do and I just don't want to go there?). I have not had anything horrible happen to me I just don't feel good about being me. I have closed myself off from everyone . I have no friends and my family and I are not close. I don't know where I would be without my loving husband (and for the life of me I can't understand WHY he loves me still) and my children.

Outwardly, other than being much heavier, I don't think most people would be able to tell that I have changed. I don't always feel like a nice person anymore even though I don't let that show. I know I have trouble trusting anyone. Everyone seems to leave for one reason or another. I have forgotten how to have friends and how to be a friend. I want to have fun and enjoy the rest of my life.

I am just feeling down and sorry for myself today. Most days I don't examine myself or my feelings too closely. I miss living life and I am excited to have surgery and start changing my body. I just don't know how to change the inside. I have had counseling in the past but I feel like my problems are so insignificant and that I am wasting their time. Anyone have any suggestions or books that might be helpful?

Thanks everyone.

Summer

Hey everyone!! I must say what beautiful inspiration u all are!! Summer I am in the exact place u are in!! If it wasn't for my husband and the few family members I have left I would be lost!! I know exactly how your feeling and ready everyone's replies make me

Even more excited I get this process started and get a new/old me back! I can't even tell u how much I feel like this is going to completely change my life and make me feel like myself again, make me happy and make me comfortable, I can't tell you the last time I had a outfit that I actually felt completely comfortable in besides my husbands baggy shirts and shorts lol congrats on taking the next step and good luck with your journey!!!!

Kimmerzj29 we are taking the first steps to make things better for ourselves. We just have to stay positive and motivated through this journey. Congratulations and good luck!

Summer

I too am striving to stay positive and engaged. Really hard. Widowed 4 months ago and I just want to hide and mourn privately. Not finding much joy anywhere. Just sad. Work ,work out and home. Not laughing a lot. The kids coming to visit helps. But it is not their job to heal me. Seeing a counselor. Still just really sad. Everyday. Lots of crying

Thanks for listening

On the bright side. Weight the same or a bit lower. 7+ years out. That is all I can think of that is good right now

I too am striving to stay positive and engaged. Really hard. Widowed 4 months ago and I just want to hide and mourn privately. Not finding much joy anywhere. Just sad. Work ,work out and home. Not laughing a lot. The kids coming to visit helps. But it is not their job to heal me. Seeing a counselor. Still just really sad. Everyday. Lots of crying

Thanks for listening

On the bright side. Weight the same or a bit lower. 7+ years out. That is all I can think of that is good right now

I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. I hope you get some comfort from this board and knowing that you have friends here.

Julie Norton, I am very sorry for your loss and pain. I do hope that it eases as you go around the bend to the next part of life, whatever that will be for you.

Ann

Thank you

I do feel a bit better. Some kind words helped. I will put one foot in front of the other. This site does help me and I am grateful

Thank you

I do feel a bit better. Some kind words helped. I will put one foot in front of the other. This site does help me and I am grateful

I'm so sorry. I lost my brother in February and we were very close. His passing made me realize that I needed to make this change in my life and to live. I'm so sorry that you have to go thru this. Just keep focusing on your children and yourself. I know it feels like nothing will ever make you happy again but you'll get there. We all are always here if you need to talk. Take care.

Julie and Kyrick so sorry for your losses. I can't say anything that will magically make it better but I hope every day gets alot better for you both. Blessings ladies.

I started this thread 2 months ago when I was feeling very down and sorry for myself. Since then I have taken advice and heart from everyone who responded so I just wanted to post an update on how things have been.

I started volunteering 5 days a week 5 hours a day which gets me out of the house and around people again. That, I think, has been a positive experience. Once I start losing weight I hopefully will be ready to look for a paying job. I have reached out to my immediate family with really no change - I was hopeful that things would be better but I am proud of myself for taking the steps. I can only control me, I cannot control anyone else. I can try again anytime in the future, right?

My surgery is in 6 days and I think I am in a good place. I am calm but excited to get it over with

I hope everyone is doing great and anyone that has surgery coming up - good luck and I hope everyone's recovery is uneventful and quick!

Summer

Thanks for the update Summer. You're original post was amazing for it's honesty. I bet alot of people can identify with what you wrote including myself. The bigger I got, the more I tried to be invisible. Sounds stupid when you think about it but there it is. I'm almost two years out of surgery and down more than 140 lbs. It's only recently that I walk with my head up instead of on the ground and that I feel much more comfortable just interacting with people again.

When I see someone out and about who is large, my heart hurts because I remember all too well how unhappy I was back then. No...my life is far from perfect. Losing weight is not a magic cure for all one's ills. It is however, a great way to find yourself again or even for the first time.

I bet that you find that job faster than you expected. Earning your own money is empowering for sure. Sorry that the family stuff is still an issue but again...nothing is perfect. You sound like a strong and capable woman and I know you will be able to deal with whatever life throws at you.

Good luck on the upcoming surgery. I know you'll do great.

Summer Rain, thanks for the update. It's so great that you are able to volunteer and make a difference to others. It's been my experience in the past that just one small change can be just the push to get all the dominos moving in the right direction (after spending so much time feeling stuck when I was actually doing was getting all the dominos lined up in the right place.

That is what this weight loss journey has felt like for me.

Summer Rain, you've helped a lot of people by posting today's update. We all have weeks and months feeling like you described. Your turnaround even before surgery is awesome. We don't do this alone. Thanks for helping us and letting us help you. And good luck on the upcoming surgery!!! Woo hoo!!!

@@Summer Rain ... outstanding! You already have your life by the reins again.

Respect!

@@gowalking congratulations on your success(es)! Thank you for the words of encouragement. I am trying to become a strong and capable woman

...after spending so much time feeling stuck when I was actually doing was getting all the dominos lined up in the right place.

I really like this analogy! Thanks

Summer Rain, you've helped a lot of people by posting today's update. We all have weeks and months feeling like you described. Your turnaround even before surgery is awesome. We don't do this alone. Thanks for helping us and letting us help you. And good luck on the upcoming surgery!!! Woo hoo!!!

I hope I can help a person or two to know they are not alone. I am taking small steps now but small steps are better than no steps

@@VSGAnn2014 Thank you!