Making big, life decisions

[ladykatie_ 117]

I was reading a girl's weight loss story on Instagram and she advised that one should not make big life decisions within the first year of WLS.

Unfortunately my WLS came at a time in my life where a lot of big things were bound to happen... my sister (and best friend) moved across the country, I got a new job (which I love) and now... I'm contemplating divorce.

I really don't want a divorce. I have thought about it before the surgery but I love him (and he loves me) and want to remain patient. There are, of course, many factors that I won't discuss here because it's really personal and private to me. My last and final step in saving our marriage is counseling. Marriage counseling and individual counseling.

What do you think about making big life decisions while WLS is happening? Do you think everything should be put on hold?

The WLS is going well, I'm getting my Protein in, everyone is supportive (even the hubby) and I feel so good. Physically. Mentally... I don't feel so hot. :/

[HotButterFly 981]

^^^ is hoping the differences are reconcilable. <3

[Bufflehead 6,358]

I feel weird even talking about this sort of thing with someone I don't know. But I will say that (1) I think counseling is a great idea, providing of course you find a counselor you have absolute trust in; and (2) unless there is physical abuse or severe emotional abuse going on in the relationship, I think it is wise to wait at least 9 months and preferably a year after surgery before making any major decisions regarding it.

Best wishes to you going forward whatever your ultimate decision is. Sounds like a very difficult place to be in for you right now.

[terry1118 1,274]

I don't agree that we shouldn't make life decisions immediately following surgery. I don't think anyone should EVER make a life decision in haste, without exploring all options. Some decisions are a no-brainer. A job offer that is an improvement over your current one or moving to a better location would be no-brainers. Relationship decisions, especially legally binding ones, should be well-thought out and given every opportunity for improvement before deciding whether or not to end it. Counselling sounds like a good idea if you want to give your marriage every chance, as long as there is no abuse involved. Ending an abusive relationship is in the no-brainer category.

In the end, only YOU know what is best for YOU.

[Kitt3000 757]

Yep, you can't put the "pause" button or "rewind" on life. Happiness starts by being in the moment, here, right now. The gift truly is in the present. Write your own script today. :-)

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Not everyone is the same. My emotional upheavals happened AFTER the first year too. I think counseling is a good idea, I also think a good relationship is worth saving and is more important than many other things.

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@ladykatie_ you got some good advice from those above, and I won't even begin to tell you what when or how to live your life. That is something only you can do.

I would like to say it's awesome that you are feeling great and having success with your WLS. There are many mental and emotional hills and valley's along the way, and when other issues compound on you as they tend to do, it can feel overwhelming and often prompt larger then life emotions and emotional responses.

I think that's more to the point of what the person who was telling you not to make big decisions during WLS was trying to say.

I have found for myself that the best way to deal with these kinds of stress's and pressures as they rise up is to take a minute to myself. Even if I have to run to the ladies room and hide in the stall for a moment or two, I will collect my thoughts and my feelings and put them in check. I try to separate out how I am feeling about an issue from how I am feeling overall. If it's an off day for me, issues can tend to appear larger then they are if I focus on them in that perspective. If I put my "day" or myself in check and deal with just that issue then it's taken some of the largeness out of it and brought it down to size and a little easier to deal with.

Mostly friend, try to take time for yourself. Get away from "things" and people when you need to and just keep breathing. Deep breathing is a great help for your mind and body. Find time to do things you enjoy, reading, writing, biking, kite flying what ever and make time for YOU, then you will be better able to deal with decisions and things that I'm sure you would rather not have to deal with.

I hope everything works out for you, no matter what.

[AllisonKara 46]

Making big life decisions is not much of a problem when you go through a weight loss surgery but it is always better to stay clear as the stress which comes with the big decisions may slow the healing process and you might feel that the surgery was no good.But you enjoy the situation where everyone is trying to care for you and maybe things will sort out on their own given some time and will be happy.Good Luck.

[Sreeves 56]

Wow, that is a huge decision. I love that you are considering both joint AND individual counseling, and that you want to fight for your marriage. Only you know whether your marriage is worth saving and a counselor will be able to help you decide what is best for you. You sound like you have have put a lot of thought into your situation. I am so sorry you have so much on your plate ( ! ) while dealing with all that WLS brings, but take care of you first and foremost. I pray that things work out the way they are supposed to and that you come out the other side happy and whole.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Cart, horse. In my case horse, cart. I tried the marriage counseling a year ago without success. The situation at home became ever more volatile and toxic. I shook off my food fog in February, got banded in March, and filed for divorce and moved out in July. Stress levels were through the roof for the entire last year. Now I can finally breathe and sleep at night. I waited too long, but I did the best I could at the time. Good luck to you.

[RNBSN786 206]

My ex and I ended a 3.5 yr relationship, I had my surgery 3 months later, got a job 1.5 month after my surgery and I feel great. Life should not be put on hold. Have to do what makes you happy. It's only one life to live..so live it up! I don't know much about marriage cause I have never been down the road but being in 3.5 live in relationship became toxic after sometime and initially I was like what the heck but with time, I realize how important it was to take care of me. Cause for me I am number one and everything else is secondary.