Starting Over...UGH!

[monkeysnana 6]

Hello,

My journey began in March 2009. I had researched weight lose surgery for quite awhile before choosing to have the lap band. I wasn't really a candidate, according to most, for the gastric, so this seemed like the most logical choice.

I had my surgery 3/9/2009, weighed in at 211 lbs and am 5'1" tall. I was pretty short, so I was pretty round. I didn't have any major complications, most everything was right on track. I lost quite a bit of weight in the first 6 months, by 9 months I had been down 63 lbs. I felt great and I looked great.

Then, all heck broke loose. In April 2012, my husband was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. He began chemo and then in November under went a stem cell transplant. We basically lived in the hospitals most of the year. With all the stress and chaos, I began having severe blockage issues, and things were not going well. I had been suffering for awhile, severe heartburn, so they had to remove all my Fluid and recommended that until things settled down, not to refill. I was risking damage by things constantly getting stuck. Living in the hospitals didn't have the best nutritional options.

So that was in May 2012, and since then I have gained back all but 11 lbs that I lost. I feel miserable, I look awful and I am not happy. I am scheduled July 9th to refill, and I am scared because of all the issues. I tried to wait until life "settled down", but that doesn't look like it will ever happen. Hubby was in remission, but we just found out this month he has relapsed. There aren't a lot of options for us in his cancer, so I guess there's no good time. I have a hard time being motivated these days. I have a lot on my mind, but I know they way I am now is only bringing me down further.

My hope is to find others here that I can relate to and find support and motivation with. Well that's my story. Thank you for letting me share.

Wendy

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Wendy, I am sorry for your husband and for you. What an incredibly stressful time. Please stay connected here and let this be a place of support.

I'm having a rough personal time now (not medical) and I thank God every day that I got my eating under control and feel better physically. Some days my weight loss project is the only thing keeping me sane.

At your appointment, lay it all out. Let them know the extreme stressors you are under and have them check your band. They can help get you back on the path to weight loss and feeling better. While you're waiting for that appointment, take a short daily walk alone and have some time to yourself outdoors. Reflect on what you need for yourself and why.

I'll be thinking about you. Good luck.

[Colleen C 169]

I am sure you are doing everything you can for your husband... but...how better could you care for him and your family than to care for yourself? I am not saying this out of judgement, I really do feel your heart in your statements. Most all of us on here suffer this obesity problem. I too have went through the struggles and heartbreak of cancer, it is wreckage on the soul for so many of us. I struggled through it myself and immediately after my mother died of it. You can not change what is thrown at you but you sure can control what you throw at yourself. Make a decision to stop eating yourself into more sickness. When family and friends, neighbors ask how they can help, let them. Maybe it is a healthy meal or anything you need. You can not keep running on empty and hurting yourself with food. If you were cutting your wrist you would stop and get help, so do it for you. Go to a counselor and continue to fight for you. You are so worth it.

In love and support, stay in touch.

Colleen

[monkeysnana 6]

Thank you ladies. I did SO WELL the first time. I lost 60 lbs in 9 months, and I felt amazing. I'm just in a funk, and I thought that maybe if I took this step and started losing weight again, I'd feel better. And I know that my feeling better will benefit my husband because I will be a better caregiver. I was on a lapband site on Facebook, and OMG what a disaster it was. They were so negative and it just was awful so I am glad I found this site. So far it is way better than that was. Thank you for taking time to chat. I've learned that support is big, and even though I don't have a lot, the people I have are worlds of good.

[Colleen C 169]

You will do well again. This weigh loss will probably be a lifetime journey for most of us. So, you strayed. Come back, don't beat yourself up and know that you are doing the best you can everyday.

i think it is M. Angelou that said,

"Do better when you know better"

What more can you ask of yourself?

Thank you for adding me.

Colleen

[Bandista 7,466]

Sending best wishes your way. In choosing yourself and your own health first, every one will benefit. You are dealing with a lot and need to have a strong and healthy mind/body -- so glad you're here to get some support. It can be so hard but you know you can do it and how good it will feel to be out of food jail again. You deserve that, so see your doctor, regroup and know you have lots of people here behind you.

[Crystal76 11]

So sorry abt your husband Wendy. Praying things will get better for u & ur family. Don't give up, you worked to hard in the past!

[NolansNana 210]

Our story is not the same but I am caring for my oldest brother . He was diagnosed on Vàlentine's day with esophageal cancer. He went thru Chemo and Radiation. We found out last week that it has spread to his liver. I wrestled in my mind about if I should postpone my surgery and just focus on him. With his help I decided to get it done this Thursday so that I can heal and soon be able to help him continue to fight this cancer . We have to look after ourselves too

[NolansNana 210]

Praying for your family. May God bless you.

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@monkeysnana Hi Wendy, I just want to offer you my support, understanding and best wishes for you and your family.

You are going through so much and it really is never easy. Taking care of your health and being well while it won't cure your husband, I'm sure he will feel better knowing that you are taking care of yourself to be well. I know it seems selfish when someone we love is suffering to think of ourselves but I want to tell you that it is not a selfish thing you do in taking care of yourself. It is selfless, focus on doing it for him and your family to be strong and healthy and be there to help him and care for him both emotionally and physically.

It is so easy for us to get all tied up in what our loved ones are going through and we ache so badly for them, we want to suffer for them and take away their pain. Yet we do not have the ability to do that, and that can make you feel so much worse. We can get into comparing how we are feeling emotionally to what they are experiencing physically, and we put ourselves through the wringer out of empathy for them.

I have found going through similar circumstances with my loved ones, that shifting my focus to making sure that I was well enough and fit enough to physically and emotionally do all that I could to make them comfortable and happy was the very best that I could do.

When I spent my days wrung out and stressed out and upset it didn't serve my loved ones much and I wasn't much good to them. Once I was able to make a full circle and refocus my efforts they were happier and I was able to do everything in my power to make sure that they stayed that way for as long as I could give them that.

Don't get me wrong, there are moments and you will have them, more then you want to. Come here anytime day or night for support if you need it, or just need to vent or what ever that's what we are here for.

All my best to you! You are one strong lady, I have no doubts about that.

[monkeysnana 6]

I so very much appreciate all the support you have all given me. Lisacaron you really hit so much on the head with that hammer. I am so consumed with caring for him that I forget about me. I even feel guilty because mine is just weight and his is cancer, but deep down I know better than that. I am going to read and reread this post again. Thank you. I am very scared to refill but I did this surgery for a reason and I need to just do it. I had so many issues and they worry me. Again, thank you ALL for your encouragement.

Wendy

[TimeforTanya 30]

Hugs and my thoughts and prayers go to you and your family. Cancer is never easy especially when it hits close to home. I work in oncology and i hear over and over again from my patients tht they wish their caretaker would take time to take care of themselves. Ur husband is happy to have you but what would probably help him more is seeing you happy with yourself. Good luck and God bless...we are ALL here for you.

[dawalsh 919]

<p>Hello,<br><br> My journey began in March 2009. I had researched weight lose surgery for quite awhile before choosing to have the lap band. I wasn't really a candidate, according to most, for the gastric, so this seemed like the most logical choice.<br><br> I had my surgery 3/9/2009, weighed in at 211 lbs and am 5'1" tall. I was pretty short, so I was pretty round. I didn't have any major complications, most everything was right on track. I lost quite a bit of weight in the first 6 months, by 9 months I had been down 63 lbs. I felt great and I looked great.<br><br> Then, all heck broke loose. In April 2012, my husband was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. He began chemo and then in November under went a stem cell transplant. We basically lived in the hospitals most of the year. With all the stress and chaos, I began having severe blockage issues, and things were not going well. I had been suffering for awhile, severe heartburn, so they had to remove all my Fluid and recommended that until things settled down, not to refill. I was risking damage by things constantly getting stuck. Living in the hospitals didn't have the best nutritional options.<br><br> So that was in May 2012, and since then I have gained back all but 11 lbs that I lost. I feel miserable, I look awful and I am not happy. I am scheduled July 9th to refill, and I am scared because of all the issues. I tried to wait until life "settled down", but that doesn't look like it will ever happen. Hubby was in remission, but we just found out this month he has relapsed. There aren't a lot of options for us in his cancer, so I guess there's no good time. I have a hard time being motivated these days. I have a lot on my mind, but I know they way I am now is only bringing me down further.<br><br> My hope is to find others here that I can relate to and find support and motivation with. Well that's my story. Thank you for letting me share.<br><br> Wendy</p>

my heart goes out to you and I'm praying all goes well.

Stress is very hard on lapbands. I have slowed down on weight loss as well because of stress in my life right now. I was banded on 12/23/12 (crazy I know but Christmas was to be my challenge ). I have a support group that will resume in September as I will be away. This is a challenge for me as I will miss two fill appointments. I pray I don't gain weight but without a support group I'm on my own. I recommend you try to find a local support group and perhaps that will relieve some of your stress. I pray they find a solution for your husband as well. God bless.