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Really off track...
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I have been lurking back here for awhile but haven't wanted to post because I have gotten very off track and have gained back 30 lbs of the 60 lbs I lost from surgery. I had surgery in August 2011 with an initial weight of 241 and a surgery day weight of 232. I got down to around 180 in the 5-6 months after surgery and then stalled out. I stayed in the low 180's until December 2012 when I took a jump up into the low 190's. At the time I told myself there was no way I was going to cross the 200lb mark again. I was doing moderate exercise (I am kind of an all or nothing type of person when it comes to exercise) weekly and trying to stay on track with eating but my hunger - mainly carb craving -was very strong. I have PCOS and had been able to go off of Metformin after surgery but had to go back on it when I was in the 190's. My endo also put me on the pill to try to level off my hormones but it made me feel crappy so I stopped taking it. I was always very good about taking my multi-Vitamin and VitD and Calcium daily but still ended up with a VitB12 deficiency & a VitD deficiency which my doctor gave me a prescription for. I had regular followups with my surgeon who told me that the sleeve only does so much and I needed to do it myself at that point. I told her that was troubling to me because I had tried and failed so many times to lose weight in the past and that if I was not going to get any help from the sleeve in the form of restriction that I didn't know what to do. She always meets very quickly with me and I kind of feel brushed off every time I go in. As I mentioned, restriction is pretty much gone. I can ( I don't regularly) eat 3 regular sized pieces of pizza and then feel full but that is about what I would have eaten before surgery and gotten full. I know I own a lot of this - I have fallen back into eating carbs & sugars and not eating Protein first. I went to see the psychologist who works with weight loss patients and he told me I am not caring for myself as much as I care for others. I am very regimented with my work, my family schedule, etc. and always leave my own health, etc. for last. I guess that is part of it but I also just feel unmotivated to exercise. I am very busy with my work,etc. and often as soon as the kids go off to school I need to get right to work. I could definitely find time to do something but honestly, I often just don't feel like it. Then I get mad at myself for eating too much and gaining weight.. I know that the common sense thing to do is to go exercise and plan out my diet. I've done it in the past and been successful for a time. I'm not sure why I have such a mental block on this. I'm upset with myself for "failing" and feel kind of hopeless that I can get back on track.. I'm also upset because I feel like my sleeve should be helping me more than it is.. It hardly feels like I was sleeved at all. If anyone has been through this and has suggestions I would appreciate it.