Learning by doing
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When I started the band process in September last year, I didn't know how much work it would be on my part. I just knew it was the least invasive of the three surgeries. As I went through the pre-op protocol and was told to change my snacking habits or else the psychologist wouldn't clear me for surgery, I got really ticked off. How dare he? Well, I turned the anger into action. When I did that (gave up tv eating) I then understood why he said that. It required discipline! Of course, if I wouldn't stop tv snacking every night, I wasn't going to have success with a band. I didn't know that but he did. I guess I thought everything would just magically change for me without any pain on my part.
Once I changed that snacking habit, I began to believe what they all kept saying, which was that this process was only going to be as successful as the effort I put into it.
I had the same negative instant reaction to the post-op liquid diet. When the surgeon told me it was six weeks, not four weeks, of post-op liquids, I was mad and aggravated. When he further told me to reduce my post-op calories from 1000 to 800, I again got mad and wanted to rebel. When the nurse coordinator told me I had to walk a treadmill every day starting one day post-op and build up to a 2-mile walk every day, I nearly croaked.
I think on some level I expected to treat these like suggestions, or guidelines, that were great for other people, but no biggie if I chose not to do them. After all, I'm special, you know. I have arthritis. I'm really fat and I get out of breath. I have hunger issues. I really like food. I'm not in this for the beauty or vanity aspects, just for health reasons, so there's no problem if my weight loss takes a little longer.
But instead of giving in to those excuses about my uniqueness (!), I followed all of the rules. Only by following them did my understanding of how this works transform from theory into understanding and acceptance. Sure, I read the book, I researched all this, I "knew" all these things back in September, six months before I was banded. But I didn't really learn them until I did them. I have experiential knowledge of these things now. I feel better because I exercise. That one blows my mind. My knees still hurt, but I feel BETTER when I exercise. Sweating and panting do not destroy me. I walked in the forest preserve with my college-age daughter yesterday and she told me I hit my target heart rate. Huh? She said we were walking and talking, and I was slightly out of breath the whole time, but able to carry on a conversation, so that meant I was exercising at a good pace . For an hour. Amazing. Six months ago, heck, four months ago, I never got off the couch.
Eating differently is huge. I'm on liquids for 5 more days and then I finally move to regular foods. I'm dreaming constantly of what I'll eat. I want steak, I want lobster, I want three Jimmy John's sandwiches in one sitting. I want, I want, I want. What I will do instead is make a scrambled egg on Thursday morning and I'll probably be in heaven. Then I'll probably have a Protein shake at work for lunch because dinner will be at a restaurant with my friend before our exercise class. I'll probably have a few bites of some meat or fish and a veggie. Not three Jimmy John's sandwiches. Not a ribeye. Not a burger.
The next phase is what some people call bandster hell. I'll get a first fill, but have to keep a good eating discipline while the months go by and I work toward the correct number of fills for my green zone. I WANT to wolf three Jimmy John's sandwiches, but I WILL practice eating slowly and chewing thoroughly and keeping portions small. I won't drink while eating. This will all be new behavior because I haven't chewed in 7 weeks, have only consumed liquids so far, and haven't slowed myself down too well yet. It will be my next big challenge.
Thank you, people of this board, who post your experiences and teach me how living as a bander works and doesn't work. And that's how I approach all of this. What works and what doesn't work. My actions for 52 years didn't work. This year that all changes, because I'm following the directions for what does work. It gets a little easier every day.