Helloah my fellow vets...

I am looking for some tough love and motivation please.

Recently I have been in a massive funk - and it has lasted a lot longer than usual; lots of factors mostly stress - some of it out of my control, some of it I can and have been dealing with. It is the usual 'life' stuff and in individual doses not cause a problem, but it has all come at the same time and is getting to me. I mean things like; bereavement; work stress and work load, worry about kids, hubby having another knee op, worry about elderly parents and mother in law... but the main one that is the most personal is my menopause symptoms. They are getting to me more than ever (been going through this for many years) and the lack of sleep due to the intense hot flushes is really debilitating. I also have many, many hot flushes through the day which makes me feel like cr*p - they immediately drain me of energy and to be honest, they are embarrassing (I am a teacher; imagine trying to explain the beetroot red face covered in sweat to 30 teenagers! Not good!).

Clearly, I am feeling down... and on top of this I can't shift any more weight... and I really need to. I've just had my body fat taken at my Curves gym and it is still over 30%; even after losing over 80+lbs! I gotta be honest with you - this was a kick in the teeth because I honestly thought, from the way my clothes are fitting, that I had broken the 30 barrier and was sitting in the 20 range! Hmmm, not to be!

What I need are some tough, but kind words on how I get my mojo back - how I climb from this black hole and get completely focused on me and getting to a) my surgeon's goal; lowering my body fat percentage and c) feeling good about me and my achievements. I do realise that I have done well and improved my health and fitness immensely - but I also realise that I need to get rid of more fat to get healthier and fitter; where I want to be.

At the moment I feel like there are no 'rewards' for my efforts and that is dangerous grounds for me... I am not finished on this journey and I am getting bored of the scenery (I was sleeved July 2010; so well over 3 years!)

Thanks in advance ...

hello, you have lost a lot fo weight!! lucky you...dont be stressed about the fat...you are looking better thats important now...

Isnt there any medicine for flushes...I had a hysterectomy...so I dont know about flushes..

worry doesnt solve any problems...just take it easy...listen to music,have some fun.

all the best.

Hi Coops,

Well, here is what I would try if you are interested, and remember, it's never too late and I believe you can do it. Let us know how you do. Good luck!

1. Kickstart yourself with 2 or 3 days of just liquid Protein shakes. I found this sort of "reactivates" my sleeve and gets my head back on. It's hard to do after eating somewhat normally, but it does get the restriction fired up again (at least for me).
2. Start writing everything down again - MFP or other
3. Measure your food. I have started eyeballing things, not a great habit to get into...
4. Get that Water in! 64 oz minimum, you know the drill.
5. The same old routine: firm protein first, then vegs, then carbs.
6. Plan out your exercise regime. Maybe split your time between cardio and strength training. Cardio will burn fat, strength training will build muscle, which will raise your metabolic rate over time.

One thing I keep in mind when I feel my plate is fuller than I can handle is The Serenity Prayer. I do not believe in the conventional God of my childhood, but rather focus on a power greater than myself:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference

I have to right-size my expectations of others and of myself. Take deep breaths and tackle one issue at a time. Down deep, I know what the next right move is. I just need to take the time to reflect and let the answer come to me.

The bottom line is you are a good person with good intentions for yourself and others. You know what the next right move is. Don't feel guilty if that move appears to be selfish. It is what you need. Don't feel guilty if it is self-sacrificing. It is what your soul needs.

Breathe, meditate and listen to your inner voice. You are wiser than you think.

Edited February 28, 201412 yr by PdxMan

Good morning my darling friend from across the pond! Sit down and listen up.

YOU must ALWAYS be STRONGER than YOUR WEAKNESSES.

You are explaining a lot of things I've gone through in the last few years. Sometimes there comes a time when we need help. Not from an online community but from someone who we can sit down with, face to face and get some mental issues out and as they do they float up into space. Like a balloon and once it gets to the edge of the atmosphere, what happens? Yes, they pop.

You're a lovely, courageous, determined, supportive, incredible, strong, enduring, and VICTIMLESS woman. What I mean by victimless is no matter what happens to you either it be changeable or not you move forward and always do what you have to do to be healthy. For no other reason that just. To. Be. Healthy. Life billions of moments are rarely ever perfect or well going, but us as the human species must always do what we have to do to survive and ensure the survival of our loved ones. Am I right? If we have no choice in the matter of our loved ones then we are only left with our strength of character and doll you have a lot of it.

I seen somethings on Facebook and I'm attaching it so you can see them. They are great and really quite brilliant... just like you... just like me... just like every soul on this Planet past, present and future.

Take care!

Coops I could not take the menopuse symptoms and I got on bio identical hormones. I feel so much better and honestly, I hope I never have to stop them.

I can't live without sleep.

I'm 110% with OD on this one -- you GOTTA get some hormonal support of some kind. Seriously. The hormones are probably behind nearly all your depressive symptoms (exacerbated by lack of sleep, also due to hormones) apart from the normal ups and downs of life. AND I think the inability to lose weight is also very hormonally linked. Do you take any kind of supplemental HRT? I'm telling you, I'd be on it like white on rice. I am only perimenopausal according to my GYN, but she still prescribes me some kind of natural supplement to smooth things out a bit. It's already starting to be not enough...

So don't believe in your feelings, try to remember that it's your body messing with you, not reality. You don't need tough love, miz coops, just love. You're already the strongest one around. REMEMBER WHERE YOU'VE COME FROM!!

And try to get some type of HRT support...that would be number one on my list. Number two would be thyroid...

Cwtch!!

Hi Coops,

Well, here is what I would try if you are interested, and remember, it's never too late and I believe you can do it. Let us know how you do. Good luck!

1. Kickstart yourself with 2 or 3 days of just liquid Protein shakes. I found this sort of "reactivates" my sleeve and gets my head back on. It's hard to do after eating somewhat normally, but it does get the restriction fired up again (at least for me).
2. Start writing everything down again - MFP or other
3. Measure your food. I have started eyeballing things, not a great habit to get into...
4. Get that Water in! 64 oz minimum, you know the drill.
5. The same old routine: firm protein first, then vegs, then carbs.
6. Plan out your exercise regime. Maybe split your time between cardio and strength training. Cardio will burn fat, strength training will build muscle, which will raise your metabolic rate over time.

I defo think getting more water would do me good - if nothing else it does help cool me down in the middle of a tropical moment...lol.. thanks for the input, nice reminder of the basics (which I generally stick to even this far out - it is a way of life for me now)!

One thing I keep in mind when I feel my plate is fuller than I can handle is The Serenity Prayer. I do not believe in the conventional God of my childhood, but rather focus on a power greater than myself:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference

I have to right-size my expectations of others and of myself. Take deep breaths and tackle one issue at a time. Down deep, I know what the next right move is. I just need to take the time to reflect and let the answer come to me.

The bottom line is you are a good person with good intentions for yourself and others. You know what the next right move is. Don't feel guilty if that move appears to be selfish. It is what you need. Don't feel guilty if it is self-sacrificing. It is what your soul needs.

Breathe, meditate and listen to your inner voice. You are wiser than you think.

Thank you PdxMan for your kind words - the serenity pray is something that I am familiar with and strikes a chord with me on many levels. You have a fair point too with the 'what appears to be selfish' thing... this is something I really struggle with. I have always put others before me, not in a altruistic way, but in 'they are more important than I' kinda way... and yes you are right, sometimes I need to do what I NEED to do - thank you for reminding me that I am important too.

Coops I could not take the menopuse symptoms and I got on bio identical hormones. I feel so much better and honestly, I hope I never have to stop them.

I can't live without sleep.

OD, my doc just wants me to take HRT - in the form of synthetic Patches or tablets - I tried them a few years ago and was not happy on them... I have ordered progesterone cream as recommended by others and will try that. I am hoping that it will help? You are right though, the lack of sleep really impedes on my frame of mind.

However, I am not and cannot put up with the symptoms for much longer... so I might have to go and have another chat with the doc.

Good morning my darling friend from across the pond! Sit down and listen up.

YOU must ALWAYS be STRONGER than YOUR WEAKNESSES.

You are explaining a lot of things I've gone through in the last few years. Sometimes there comes a time when we need help. Not from an online community but from someone who we can sit down with, face to face and get some mental issues out and as they do they float up into space. Like a balloon and once it gets to the edge of the atmosphere, what happens? Yes, they pop.

You're a lovely, courageous, determined, supportive, incredible, strong, enduring, and VICTIMLESS woman. What I mean by victimless is no matter what happens to you either it be changeable or not you move forward and always do what you have to do to be healthy. For no other reason that just. To. Be. Healthy. Life billions of moments are rarely ever perfect or well going, but us as the human species must always do what we have to do to survive and ensure the survival of our loved ones. Am I right? If we have no choice in the matter of our loved ones then we are only left with our strength of character and doll you have a lot of it.

I seen somethings on Facebook and I'm attaching it so you can see them. They are great and really quite brilliant... just like you... just like me... just like every soul on this Planet past, present and future.

IMG_20232986763637.jpgIMG_20254506466189.jpgIMG_20299328048751.jpg

Take care!

Irene, you are a doll! Thank you for your kind words. Believe me, I have an amazing husband whom I can share my inner world with without fear of judgement or repercussions... he really is my true soul mate. I have had a really good chat with him (on several occasions) over the last couple of months and you are right, it does help. I also have a small circle of close friends that I can have a cuppa with and talk about 'stuff' - but just lately, I find that I don't want to. I don't want to feel like a burden or that I am attending my own pity party, so although I have said that I have in a bit of a funk, I have not expanded on that and to be honest, they haven't asked. Perhaps the opportunity will come up - if not, then the hubby will have his ear chewed of a bit more....lol!

I love those pics by the way!!

I'm 110% with OD on this one -- you GOTTA get some hormonal support of some kind. Seriously. The hormones are probably behind nearly all your depressive symptoms (exacerbated by lack of sleep, also due to hormones) apart from the normal ups and downs of life. AND I think the inability to lose weight is also very hormonally linked. Do you take any kind of supplemental HRT? I'm telling you, I'd be on it like white on rice. I am only perimenopausal according to my GYN, but she still prescribes me some kind of natural supplement to smooth things out a bit. It's already starting to be not enough...

So don't believe in your feelings, try to remember that it's your body messing with you, not reality. You don't need tough love, miz coops, just love. You're already the strongest one around. REMEMBER WHERE YOU'VE COME FROM!!

And try to get some type of HRT support...that would be number one on my list. Number two would be thyroid...

Cwtch!!

OMG - you gave me a cwtch - and on St David's Day - that has given me one serious smile - THANK YOU!!!

You have made so much sense - I often think the hormone imbalance has stopped my weight loss more than once, but I always question it wondering if I am looking of 'excuses' and that 'I am not good enough/not trying hard enough' even though I know that I am!!

My thyroid was recently checked and the doc said it was ok... she didn't expand. Regarding HRT like I said to OD, I have tried it and didn't get on with it - will try the cream and if no luck I will have to go back to see the doc.

I love what you said about 'your body messing with you' - that really rings true with me. I have often said my brain and my body are outta synch!

May I ask what your gyn has given you... perhaps it would be something I could look into?

Thanks again for your kind words my lovely!

I'm not a vet but a friend of mine has been going to a compounding pharmacy and they have a person there she meets with and does testing on site for her hormones. She is doing Tons better doing the bio identical hormones. I had a partial hysterectomy 7 years ago and plan on checking into it for myself this year.

Hi Coops,

Sorry to hear of your struggles! Even at goal and exercising, my body fat is much higher than I wanted it to be. I think it was 28 or something like that and my BMI is 21.8.

If I were in your shoes, I would buy some index cards, write some positive affirmations on them, and leave them around where I could read them often. Like the medicine chest, by your computer, bedside table, as a book marker.

I suggest: "My mind is a garden. I plant positive thoughts and pull negative ones." "Taking care of myself first sets a good example and helps me help others because I am healthier, happier, and prepared to help."

And buy yourself a present! You deserve it. Maybe a really pretty cup for your Water or other fluids.

I use a whiteboard on the fridge to track Protein and fluids everyday. In weight loss mode, I try to get as close to one gram of protein for every 10 calories as possible. I add in veggies, non-fat dairy, and small servings of whole grains. I still weigh and measure to keep portion creep under control.

You will get there my friend because the one thing you are not is a quitter!

Lynda

I have heard your issues for awhile now regarding the care you are receiving from your Dr and I do not feel that this Dr is providing you with the sort of care you specifically need, instead they are just giving you what they think you need, not the same thing.

You sound overwhelmed and rightly so, have you considered taking a weekend mini-break by yourself? There are always legitimate excuses not to, but I really think you might consider it. For your tropical moments, have you thought of placing scarves or kercheifs in the freezer? Pop them round your neck when one strikes you, also, there is a line of jewelry for hot flashes, to cool people down. Also food - there are foods that will reduce hot flashes or intensify them, black cohosh and yam reduces, white flour intensifies.

Once you get those hormones behaving I think everything else will fall in line. Do you carry a folding fan in your purse? It is a stylish and effective way to combat a flash, I started my Mother on collecting them once I began my international travels as a teen (Spain) and she was never without one during her transition.

Actually I went thru chemo induced menopause a couple years ago. There is a non hormone drug that does work for hot flashes and also will help your depressive symptoms. It is the anti depressant Effexor. It made a big difference for me. I was getting flushed 20 times a day and this drug stopped that. If I forgot to take it for a couple days those flashes would come right back so it truly worked for me. You start out on a lower dose like 75mg and work up to 150mg usually. There may be some mild side effects but those subside after a couple weeks or so. Google Effexor and menopause and talk to your doctor. This drug has not impacted my weight loss at all either. I stayed on it because I think it also prevents me from getting overwhelmed with stress. About 10 years ago stress led me to have panic attacks and I don't want them coming back (even though I lost weight cause I did not feel like eating!)