SHEER TERROR

[GotItDoneInHarlem 302]

So I am blessed to have lost a lot of weight since surgery in December. I'm down 68 pounds since pre-op and I'm feeling a little more attractive and sexy these days.....well a lot. I'm back on match.com and have 5 dates this week, so I'm looking pretty good.

What they don't know is the compression shirt underneath and my jiggle. I'm having great dates, but I'm terrified to go past first base.

How do you deal with it?

[Aileen-March 2014 Sleeved 44]

Be up front and honest from the beginning. Since you have 5 dates in line, then you will know which dates are interested in knowing more about you or moving on. Be courageous in doing so, as you have with getting your surgery.

Who knows maybe one of your dates may have had surgery themselves and may be wondering the same question.

You will know who cares and who does not. Have a great time!! Be confident. You have come a long way not to. :-)

[Tamosy 65]

Ok, so I'm going to tell you a true story... good parts and bad, but hopefully the take away will be positive for you.

My best friend lost 140 pounds with lap band. She has been on the dating sites and is having the time of her life. Meeting lots of interested fellows and holding on for repeats with pretty much everyone she wants. She has a lot of loose skin, a lot. You know what, not one has complained or not been interested if it went far enough to get there. Not one...this has been about a year and a half of dating and some pretty darn fit and in shape men.

Don't worry about it, you don't want somone who is only interested in you being perfect. Be honest and authentic to who you are. You don't have to tell them about your weight loss right off the bat, or about the weight loss surgery. Let things move at whatever organic and natural pace it does. Unless you suspect it is moving in a serious direction, personal disclosures are not needed. I wouldn't advocate hiding it either, but heck, if you were on a date with someone is that what you would initially want to know about them? Who cares, be yourself, let them see who you are and your personality. Be attractive and confident, and own the new you.

I was actually surprised that the loose skin was no issue with anyone honestly, it's pretty noticeable... but I can honestly say, it hasn't been at all!

[GotItDoneInHarlem 302]

Thanks for your support everyone. your success stories help a lot, but I gotta add that I'm GAY, in NYC, and I'm HIV POSITIVE. It's a seriously delicate balance to spread out those disclosures.

[Tamosy 65]

Well, I'm gay too, if that makes ya feel any better But at the end of the day, the gay part is a given and the HIV discussion is a common one in the community in my experience. You obviously need to have that conversation and my guess is it would be highly unlikely that you would be having it for the first time with someone. Through match, that would probably be something I would disclose early in email conversation to save yourself and anyone else from wasting time. Everyone is different. I have some wonderful friends who have been together for 20 years, one is hiv positive and the other still isn't.

Be authentic and honest, and stay relevant. I'd be willing to bet bit bucks that the men who get past the first filter of being ok with getting involved with an HIV positive person, will not care about WLS. There are many MANY people out there living with HIV, and living full rich lives with loved ones and in relationships with non hiv positive people. You are not HIV, or a BARIATRIC patient, you are who you are, those things don't define you. Just small details in a very elaborate artwork. Head high and live life, don't waste it worrying about what might happen... just so that nothing ever does.

[Aileen-March 2014 Sleeved 44]

I was careful in answering with "your date" because I was thinking to myself, I really do not know the gender of this person or their sexual orientation. So, I did not assume.. Having said that. My brother is gay and lost 100 lbs. Although he did not have a lot extra skin, when he did begin to date, he disclosed his transformation after a couple of dates, when he was sure it would be someone that would be OK with his new body. You will know when it is comfortable to let someone interesting know.

Again, you have come along way. Perhaps other people with a similar situation will see the posting and give their first hand experience and advice.. Best of luck to you and a healthier you!!