Shaping up to be a rough year

[clk 3,519]

Thank you all for the kind words. Despite the fact that I encourage other people to be here when they're struggling (it's when we need support the most) I still tend to hunker down and hide when I'm challenged by life. I appreciate each and every post here. I had a rough childhood, which I've lightly touched on in the past, but my dad made life so much more bearable. He was never a great dad but he loved us all very much. I'm no stranger to loss and grief but each time it's hard to accept the permanence. I can easily understand why so many find comfort in the teachings of other religions that teach of an afterlife of some sort or even the idea of an eternal family. I'm Jewish. We just eat when we're sad and argue with G-d about it.

In any case, I'm not sure how anyone else feels but I find that as a vet, it's actually HARDER for me to come back and be here when I don't feel like I can support everyone from a positive place in my own life. I always fear coming across as too harsh about the realities of long term success and the challenges presented by staying near goal once you're living a "normal" life. I want to be here to encourage people; not discourage them by sharing the fact that I sometimes struggle. I know exactly how silly this is - I know that being a voice of reason and showing people that this isn't an easy out is exactly why vets are needed around here.

And of course I also have less patience when I'm preoccupied with my own life. It's harder to be supportive and cheer for others when on the inside you just want to scream at the world.

I'll try to be here more. I should get back with the 5:2 gals; I felt the need to check in at least once a day there and it helped.

I'm mostly struggling with lack of structure. I feel so out of sorts that I'm not planning. I need to plan to stay on top of my diet. I will drink a cup of coffee and forget to eat again until dinner if I'm not careful.

Thanks again everyone. Really. I know that losing anyone is hard. Losing my dad is nothing remotely like losing my daughter was fourteen years ago. But it's still incredibly difficult, far more difficult than I ever thought it would be. I didn't have the best relationship with him, though we talked often so I am mourning what kind of man he was when I was young and feeling sad that he won't be a part of my children's lives. He only got to meet our littlest one, Elisheva, through Skype and pictures. I have wonderful memories of his mother, my grandmother, even though she died when I was ten. I feel so sad that my children won't have the same.

I suppose anyone that's lost a very close loved one understands. Loss isn't just about the immediate hole in your life.

~Cheri

[jgirl75 156]

Hi Cheri - I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad and for the health struggles on top of it. And times like this make it extremely difficult to focus on healthy eating and exercise...but don't stop now. Hang in there...it will get better. I also lost my dad 13 years ago in a freak accident at work. I was 5 months pregnant with my second child when it happened. It was one of the worst things I have ever been through. But little by little the pain subsides and you kind of figure out a way to get back to some kind of normal. Good luck with everything...I hope you find the peace you need and the health answers you need so you can focus on feeling better.

Jennifer

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Cheri, you don't have to be our cheerleader.

I would like to say that vets who share their struggles ARE modeling good behavior. If ANYBODY thinks that getting the sleeve and losing 100# makes their life perfect, they are in for a rude awakening. Modeling the behavior of how you handle the adversity, keep taking care of yourself, and if you do have a regain, work it back off etc etc - that is what all the newbies (and many of us not so newbie) can really learn about!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

So true Sheryl. We can only get stronger knowing the truth.

[Escape_Pod 358]

Oh Cheri, I'm so terribly sorry. I don't think there are any words that could ease your troubles right now, so I'll just send a gentle hug, and ask you to be as kind and patient with yourself as you possibly can right now. Grief is a process, and sometimes you need a hug, and sometimes you need to sob, and sometimes you need to rage at the awfulness of it. We're all glad to have you with us, whatever it is that you're feeling at the moment. You are loved here, simply because you are you, not as a model of success, or a cheer leader, or an advisor, though you are wonderful at all of those roles as well.

Hugs,

Beth

[MichiganChic 3,262]

Cheri,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. Reading your story really made me just want to send you a hug. You truly are a strong woman and I know you will be ok, but it's hard when so much happens at once! Just know we are sending you compassion and prayers to help get you through this.

I had to chuckle a little when you said you can handle it all better if you are skinny. I totally get that. No matter how bad my day is, I have that thought to comfort me. You are still skinny. Focus on that, and take care of yourself. xo

Teri