I was reading a post by a person who stated that her husband is angry, abusive, and unsupportive with her after surgery. I read it to my wife who wondered if this is a common occurrence for couples after surgery. I know another couple who is having serious issues since the wife was sleeved and has gone through a transformation. Does anyone feel like they settled because of their appearance or lack of self esteem and will make a relationship change?

Please sound about your happy or unhappy post-op relationship. My wife and I have been together 30 wonderful years and she loves the new me, so we are in it to win it.

A lot of it insecurity! Take care of yourself

breaks my heart to hear this ... I was in a (verbally) abusive relationship years ago... I didn't even really realize it until I got out... now my guy is wonderful, supportive, and happy with who I am "before" and "after"... I wish you all the best

I'm 2 months out and Im finding problems in my marriage not because my husband is unsupportive but because he has 0 desire to be healthier. He is about 50lbs over weight and won't leave the beer, junk or the sofa. Now I'm not saying my lifestyle change should be his but it would be nice to have someone to be fit with. We aren't in a divorce zone but its something to be mindful of. I need to remind myself constantly that my change is not his.

I'm 2 months out and Im finding problems in my marriage not because my husband is unsupportive but because he has 0 desire to be healthier. He is about 50lbs over weight and won't leave the beer, junk or the sofa. Now I'm not saying my lifestyle change should be his but it would be nice to have someone to be fit with. We aren't in a divorce zone but its something to be mindful of. I need to remind myself constantly that my change is not his.

I know what you mean but I think it's like quitting smoking. The ex-smoker can go really over the top for the first few months after quitting and it can be hard for other people to hear them or trust that they will stick to their new lifestyle. Over time, the ex-smoker mellows out and the people who still smoke get less defensive. Maybe one of them is even inspired to try quitting too. You might convince him more by your success than your words. But you can't make him change any more than he could have made you lose weight before you were ready.

Edited January 22, 201412 yr by mistysj

If you research the stats on the divorce rate after WLS it is around 75% - but remember that the general divorce rate is 50%.

For me, I'm in it to win it. Hubby and I have been married nearly 25 years. I was plump when we got married and I've been size 8 to size 20 in a regular cycle of diet and gain. This time I'm hoping it's the final change and no more yoyos. DH has been supportive of everything and still thought I was beautiful and wonderful at size 20. He's excited about the weight loss, probably because I am, but he did warn me not to lose too much so there would be "cushion for the pushin'!"

Every couple is different. I do think a lot of people "settle" for a mate when they are heavy and when things change it's not satisfactory any longer. I applaud people who decide to leave their tormentor and get out of abusive relationships, but I just feel sorry for those who end up lost at the end of the journey.

I'm married 6 years to my wife (been together 18 years). When we met we both weighed less then what we do now. We were at our highest weight when we got married, and shortly after that we decided to change our lifestyle and she managed to lose 100lbs working out at the gym over the course of a year so we could start a family. She is very strong willed when she puts her mind to it! She has been very supportive in me having WLS as I gained back some of the weight I had loss a few years ago. She understands the benefits of eating healthy and exercising and is totally on board with me through this journey. She comments on how inspiring and motivating I am to her and it's actually sparked her to take a stand for herself and get help with her anxiety issues and I really see improvements in our relationship in the last few months. I think she enjoys the fact that my sex drive has gone up and I'm back chasing her around like in our early days We are in it to win it!

I agree that if you are in a rocky relationship pre-surgery, then post-surgery is bound to rip open any little tears in the fabric. My husband and I are BOTH sleeved (he's about 5 months behind me) and I do think us doing this together was the right decision for us, and it definitely made us stronger because we were both on the same journey.

That being said, any mention of WLS aside, I think many marriages end due to plain old selfishness. I'm not saying there are legitimate reasons for marriages ending but I think so much of our society is ME-ORIENTED when really it's a give and a take to make a marriage work.

We will be married 18 years this coming June and together for 22 years...is it always easy? Nope! Is it worth the ups and downs? Yep!

My SO has loved me no matter how big or small I've been. I have to admit our relationship is so much better after having wls. It has even allowed him to watch what he eats as well, so I'm in it to win it!!!

Continuation from my post. Just wanted it to be know, prior to my surgery we had a VERY good relationship, very strong, committed, and we adored each other, it really was a great relationship.

if this is the case, seek couples counseling. it sounds like your partner has some insecurities that are making him fearful and act out. you should be able to find a gay-friendly therapist pretty easily.

I agree .. if you have a partner that does not support you doing something so drastic to improve your health and quality of your life what kind you do with that?! Isn't it sad that the person that should love and support you the most can't help you through this exciting but difficult time.

Sadly, this is the case with me. I was sleeved three and a half months ago, and down 90 pounds from surgery, and 20 from preop diet, so just about 110 down. I am a gay male, legally married in New York. My husband has very much changed. There is a lot of jealousy, self consciousness and insecurities on his end and so forth since surgery. I have under gone some pretty verbally abusive comments that have hurt like h#ll. Going into the surgery I knew the risk of this happening and I chose my health which to me is my number one priority. Knowing that the decision I made will most likely end up with a divorce on my end, I still have no regrets. I did it for the right reasons, my health, and my future. I have no regrets besides not doing it sooner. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger :-) Hope this helps :-)

This is tough but you cant worry about other peoples weight loss journeys.. just worry about you and he will probably be inspired by you at some point.

I'm 2 months out and Im finding problems in my marriage not because my husband is unsupportive but because he has 0 desire to be healthier. He is about 50lbs over weight and won't leave the beer, junk or the sofa. Now I'm not saying my lifestyle change should be his but it would be nice to have someone to be fit with. We aren't in a divorce zone but its something to be mindful of. I need to remind myself constantly that my change is not his.

I have been with my wife for 30 years, 28 of them married. We've been through quite a bit, but we've weathered the storm together!! It hasn't always been easy, and we weren't always on the same side, but in the end, we've made it through together, leaning on each other, and celebrating with each other!! She herself just went through a traumatic experience involving a life-threatening condition, where a near-emergency hysterectomy was necessary and I almost lost her!! Of course I was there for her every step of the way! Now that she's made it through this, she's been taking great care of herself and dropping pounds like crazy!! I however haven't had the same success on my own.

When I first decided to go for the surgery, she was not at all for it...but after quite a bit of research and meeting with the surgeon and staff, she as well as the family are now extremely supportive. She (jokingly, I think!!) says her only concern is that I'll leave her for some younger woman, since I may be getting "more attention"...but there's no other woman on God's green earth who's ever been as special to me as she has always been, so no matter what size I am or ever will be, that's not going to happen!!! Definitely we're in it to win it!!!

"but there's no other woman on God's green earth who's ever been as special to me as she has always been, so no matter what size I am or ever will be, that's not going to happen!!! Definitely we're in it to win it!!!

That is just beautiful! She sounds like an amazing lady! Best wishes to you on your upcoming surgery!!

brybro, you are a keeper i think!

brybro, you are a keeper i think!

I second that!!