female only Self image, anger, & resentment

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Hang in there Farmgirl and Countrysweet. You will figure this out between you. I could write a book on horrible marriage, no love, no attention, and the rest of the funk. I figured it out, you will too. God bless and love yourselves. I found the love and happiness my life was meant to be.<br />

[KAATNS 1,473]

I must say that life is so much better for me when I freed myself from the things that were bringing me down (weight, toxic marriage, etc.). I can totally relate to these posts though!

[Kitt3000 757]

I think all women have responded to this post. Wouldn't it be interesting to hear the men's side of this subject, without fear of retaliation?

[HealthyNewMe 1,935]

I think all women have responded to this post. Wouldn't it be interesting to hear the men's side of this subject, without fear of retaliation?

It's funny that you mentioned this BC I thought, "women forget about the differences between the strength of the average sex drive for a woman and the average sex drive for a man." Men more than likely have sex on their mind more times throughout the day than women do.... So naturally, they are going to pursue having a sexual encounter more.... It doesn't make it right that they are more sexually aroused when a person is shapelier.... They just are..... VERY INTERESTING.... Another Women from Venus, Men from Mars scenario !

[SecretBander 79]

To the original poster of this topic, I understand your gripe but can't help but think of the exact same scenario where wife gets thin and sexy BUT husband doesn't seem to notice and has no increased interest in sex. The woman in that scenario would be majorly annoyed too! Seems like men are damned if they do and damned if they dont!!

[Kitt3000 757]

Secret bander , sometimes looking at their nose hair even bugs us!! LOL!

[farmgirl04 231]

I guess the thing that bugs me most is that I try hard to show affection in a multitude of other ways as well. And to be honest probably part of my lack of drive is due to the lack of interest on his part for years, starting when our kids were born and I was a whopping 40 pounds over weight. When I asked him point blank what had happened to our physical relationship he said he was turned off by my fat! That is a comment I've never forgotten, almost 25 years later. So, yes, I do resent the fact that I've worked so hard to finally lose all this weight, he has gone on to gain way more weight (he has always been proportionately heavier than me), and now is express renewed interest. That part of me died, probably in some part to the 'use it or lose it' reality. He also has ED (along with diabetes and gout) and has told me that I'm the only one who can 'cure' it. Do I still love the nut? Yes, but I'd be happy living as partners, holding and hugging, and occasionally more. If I wanted it all the time I'd be a cougar but I'm not. I'm 57 and married to a 60 year old going in 15, and it is NOT what I want! If the 'plumbing' worked on my part (interest and desire) that would be great, but it doesn't. I'm more interested in the freedom of being me! Before anyone jumps in with hormone therapy I also have a brain tumor that expressly prohibits me from taking any form of hormones, which adds to the issue. Ie Does he REALLY put his sexual desire over my health?! He is still on the fence about that one (whether he believes the doctors about the hormone issue). So many things to take in. The tumor is what actually kick started my goal to good health. If I ever need brain surgery to remove this little tag-along I want to be in the best possible shape going in.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Farmgirl, Seems like those cruel words he spoke 25 years ago shaped your marriage. I wish you nothing but the best in getting healthier for yourself and your medical problems. You are a wise woman. God Bless.

[Kitt3000 757]

Wow. Strong ladies on here! :-)

[SecretBander 79]

Tell him you are turned off by his fat now lol...sorry is that mean?!

[Kitt3000 757]

Yes, it is mean. Be the change that you want to see in this world.

[Corridor72 518]

Tell him you are turned off by his fat now lol...sorry is that mean?!

ROFL...Yes, it is mean but I still got a chuckle out of the idea! Too bad I'm too nice to do that to him

[Frank Tardiff 18]

Wow & I thought I was alone. I've been with my wife 19yrs. I'm 37yrs old. 4yrs ago I had my RNY at 440lbs, I'm now 210lbs @ 6'2". She recently told me she misses her big Teddy Bear & no longer finds me attractive because skinny guys don't do it for her. I had the RNY because I lost feeling in my legs and couldn't walk, back surgeons wouldn't touch me due to my weight. I don't knot what to do.

@ 440lbs

Now @ 210lbs with my wife and son ;0)

[farmgirl04 231]

Wow Frank, I'm so sorry! Maybe she is like my dh, insecure with my new body and missing his eating and drinking pal. Thinking of you!

[Corridor72 518]

Wow & I thought I was alone. I've been with my wife 19yrs. I'm 37yrs old. 4yrs ago I had my RNY at 440lbs, I'm now 210lbs @ 6'2". She recently told me she misses her big Teddy Bear & no longer finds me attractive because skinny guys don't do it for her. I had the RNY because I lost feeling in my legs and couldn't walk, back surgeons wouldn't touch me due to my weight. I don't knot what to do.

:

@ 440lbs

:

Now @ 210lbs with my wife and son ;0)

Wow! You look great! Thanks for sharing your story with us and I hope things work out for the 2 of you.