No one ever said..i'm worried about how heavy you are getting!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I really don't understand why people don't cut their BS and come out and say it as it is....

'Look, can you stop losing weight?

Every time I see you, it makes me feel insecure about my own body.

It has forced me to re-evaluate my own position in our one-to-one and wider social interactions.

Frankly, I always felt better about myself in your company when you were fat. It made me feel like the more superior person. The person in control. Not, the loser round the table who can't stop filling their face.

Your weight loss is forcing me to not only look at myself physically, but look at my personality, too.

When you were fat, you were still socially accepted. This must mean that as a 'human being', you had enough of a personality to carry you amongst our peer group. That much acceptance, for you, was the only level of social accommodation I was prepared to embrace and feel comfortable with. I don't like change. You will fail. I've read it that people regain all their weight after bariatric surgery - and some, all of the time. You will fail. You have to fail. Surely?

For a big person, you dressed as best you could. We thought it cute you'd 'made an effort', but knew you were never going to turn heads or attention away from us as you were. I felt safe in that.

Now that you've lost weight, you not only have the gift of having a sparkling personality, but you've attained a higher physical status now, too. But surely you're going to look hideous naked, with all that loose skin? Surely? Arent you? Please say you are!

It must mean I'm not as good as I used to be. There has been a seismic shift in the universal cosmic order and our 'social hierachy' has been changed. I think I might now have fallen lower in those ranks. Please put your weight back on so I can go back to feeling better and more secure about myself?'

Do you know, if someone was honest enough to say any of that to me or machinations of it - I'd buy them a pint. In fact, I'd buy them 10 pints.

As it stands, we will all have to spend our time reading the subtext of the statements being uttered in our directions, feeling lost, confused, bewildered and largely hurt.

See them for what they are....

The wittering insecurities of people who really are incapable of embracing change - even for the greater good of another persons health and wellbeing - both mental and physical. These are the festering musings of individuals, muttered in hushed embittered tones, whose only real concern... is about themselves...

You know what?

Bugger them all. That's what I say

Stay strong, people. x

Oh em gee!! I think I want to have sex with you.

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

LOL, thanks for the compliment, LL x

[Barbarah 18]

Oh, I hear ya. Regular comedienne I am in real life... What did Smokey Robinson sing about? 'Tears of a Clown'? Well, I am that. I am also the hardest working person on the planet - all to prove that I might be fat, but holy cow, am I capable. I also accepted a level of professional treatment which was, at times and in fact, sexual bias and hard-core bullying. (Coming from a male-dominated legal background, it was ludicrous that I swallowed it) Not any more. With the weight loss, I'm feeling like I have nothing else to lose (if that makes any sense?). Why should I demean myself and defer to older, generally male incompetents to make sure the 'cosmic order' is maintained and their egos bolstered at my expense? Made to feel subtly lesser in preference to women who are half my size and have half my intellect (arrogant, but true). By continuing to turn a blind eye, kow-towing- all because I was bigger than your average? I was doing every other woman who strove for equality (or the 'illusion' of equality we have been fed) the greatest of injustices. Not. Any. More. This attitude is also permeating into my social life, too. I might still be ill-equipped to deal with rising levels of attention from potential suitors.. But no longer is my kind and overly-generous nature going to be exploited by the often calculating and emotionally and financially vampiric people who have masqueraded in the past as so-called friends. That **** is done and the revolution is now!

Viva la revolution!

[Ballermom 803]

This thread is spot on. Some one commented "that I was loosing weight". Well the next person said "that They were all worried about me". Really!!! What the Heck!! No one was worried that I was at risk for A heart attack, diabetes or a number of diseases with my ever expanding waist line. Like how bad my knee hurt and How often I wished I got my injections in my knees more often to decrease the pain. Really this person made it seem like I was secretly loosing weight due to Some illness rather than by choice. The truth is their waist has expanded while I lost weight. People feel so uncomfortable with them self that feel the need to easily insult me. 2 other folks said " that I looked good" but didn't know if I lost weight due to illness. What Really! Guess what I have not reached my goal. I have more weight to loose So let them Eat Cake!!!!!

Edited December 30, 2013 by Ballermom

[McButterpants 2,846]

Someone posted a response to a curious "friend" that they had vaginal rejuvenation surgery. I love that one!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Someone posted a response to a curious "friend" that they had vaginal rejuvenation surgery. I love that one!

I tried to keep it quiet myself..Wanted only a limited no. to know..but when everything went wrong...I told people that I had scars removed from my stomach due to ulcers..and then one of the stitches let go, so I became septic.....everyone swallowed it even the medical field.....

That is part of the problem...very few know that I did this to myself on purpose...I made this choice..I was tired of all the crap that was happening to me....

I needed the help....no one ever gave me any solutions to any of the problems I had....

Personally I think that as long as it was me who was fatter then them..they were happy...Sorry, women can be real B****hes sometimes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bombs 353]

Oh, I would go for a big fat dose of sarcastic 'lol you lot really don't have a lot going on in your lives, do you? If you have this much time to talk about my ever-decreasing backside!... Would you care for a closer look?!'

or care to kiss it?

[McButterpants 2,846]

After what you've been thru it's hard to keep it quiet! :-)

I have only told 5 people that I had surgery (parents, hubby, son and best friend). I am a very private person (forums like this are awesome for those who like to talk but remain anonymous!!!!!) and I live in a small community where I've witnessed first hand the back-stabbing and gossiping. I just didn't want to give the "thems" any more fat to chew.

We had Christmas dinner at my parents house - both of my brothers and their families attended...NOT ONE PERSON commented on my weight loss. NOT ONE PERSON commented on the tiny portions on my plate. I pulled my mom to the side and said, "You should be proud of your self-absorbed sons. They haven't noticed I've lost almost 50 pounds and I'm eating the portions of a toddler!" We got a good kick out of that.

I'll be seeing some folks that I haven't seen since before surgery this week...will be interesting to see if they say anything. One aquaintance asked me last week if I was doing something different with my hair...um...Yeah, I've had the same cut for about 3 years now.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

After what you've been thru it's hard to keep it quiet! :-)

I have only told 5 people that I had surgery (parents, hubby, son and best friend). I am a very private person (forums like this are awesome for those who like to talk but remain anonymous!!!!!) and I live in a small community where I've witnessed first hand the back-stabbing and gossiping. I just didn't want to give the "thems" any more fat to chew.

We had Christmas dinner at my parents house - both of my brothers and their families attended...NOT ONE PERSON commented on my weight loss. NOT ONE PERSON commented on the tiny portions on my plate. I pulled my mom to the side and said, "You should be proud of your self-absorbed sons. They haven't noticed I've lost almost 50 pounds and I'm eating the portions of a toddler!" We got a good kick out of that.

I'll be seeing some folks that I haven't seen since before surgery this week...will be interesting to see if they say anything. One aquaintance asked me last week if I was doing something different with my hair...um...Yeah, I've had the same cut for about 3 years now.

Maybe your brothers are like my son...He never ever commented on my size..He commented on everything else that was wrong with me in his eyes but he never stooped that low.....

Maybe they see you as their sister and whatever you look like is fine with them.....

[McButterpants 2,846]

Interesting perspective! My brother, in response to me talking about a diet once, said, "Why do you want to lose weight?" I was like, "Look at me...I need to lose weight." He didn't see it. Maybe it's like my husband wrote in my thread from earlier today, he really had no idea I had gained 100 pounds. That boggles my mind!

Along the same lines I looked at some pictures of my mom from about 25 years ago - she was so heavy. My husband didn't know her back then and was truly shocked at the pictures. I told him I don't remember her like that.

Thanks for the response - maybe I'll be a little easier on my brothers and not call them self-absorbed! LOL - yeah right.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Interesting perspective! My brother, in response to me talking about a diet once, said, "Why do you want to lose weight?" I was like, "Look at me...I need to lose weight." He didn't see it. Maybe it's like my husband wrote in my thread from earlier today, he really had no idea I had gained 100 pounds. That boggles my mind!

Along the same lines I looked at some pictures of my mom from about 25 years ago - she was so heavy. My husband didn't know her back then and was truly shocked at the pictures. I told him I don't remember her like that.

Thanks for the response - maybe I'll be a little easier on my brothers and not call them self-absorbed! LOL - yeah right.

Now, now cut them some slack..first of all they are above everything else..MEN.....Second your their sister and they are different then we are....you are just you no matter what, they will always love you....

Not to mention we are always hardest on the people who love us because we expect more from them....

Doesn't work much for me..Hows it working for you kid!!!!!!

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

"what other people think of me is none of my business."

i always wonder about the people who say to me, "so, you want to know what so and so said to me about you the other day?" 'cause what exactly is the motivation driving that kind of communication?? thats who i usually drop outta my life.

.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

"what other people think of me is none of my business."

i always wonder about the people who say to me, "so, you want to know what so and so said to me about you the other day?" 'cause what exactly is the motivation driving that kind of communication?? thats who i usually drop outta my life.

.

Your level of maturity is astounding..That is what I would like to do..But the little red guy on my shoulder always wants to know, you know........

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

Your level of maturity is astounding..That is what I would like to do..But the little red guy on my shoulder always wants to know, you know........

dont know if its maturity or apathy! lmao!

i was married to a very dysfunction human being who used this as a tactic to distract me from his bullshit... he would always start with what his ex had supposedly said about me. i learned (bitterly over many years) that almost everything he said was a lie. so, seriously, when someone tries to tell me what someone has supposedly said about me i, 1. doubt their sincerity. 2. question their intension. 3. almost never believe it. 4. ask them what their purpose is in telling me something someone chose to not say directly to me.

really and truly, it is not my business what someone else thinks of me. if they want me to know, they will tell me directly and even then it has very little to do with me. its all them.

[JSCRIMPSHIRE 56]

"You're getting too skinny!" That makes me laugh. Where was your heartfelt concern when I was slowly committing suicide with knife and fork!?!?!

Amen!