Actually this has been building up. My husband has become the FP again. Yesterday it was "do you need that cookie?" Today it was "wow that looks like a big lunch" (I didn't finish it but this is when I first sat down) and then the big one "I can't believe you already opened those chocolates we were given!"

Ok a few things here. First, I log everything. Second, I have not had a stall or any complaint about my rate of loss since being sleeved. Third, I make my own meals and have been quite independent where food is concerned since a year before my sleeve when I was doing medically supervised Optifast.

Fourth, and the big one. This was always his "role" in the past. For several years now I have had to assert that I need him not to do this. I grew up with the worst food police ever and never learned any independence about food when I was growing up. I have had to learn it as an adult.

I think he is starting to notice and work on his own weight. He just finished couch to 5k. He got me a Fitbit flex and the Aria scale for Christmas. He added himself to the scale and asked me for my old Fitbit one. I know he was either not weighing on the old scale (denial?) or weighing and not telling me about it. I don't bother him or ask him about his weight but I think seeing that my BMI is actually lower than his when he weighed on the new scale might have upset him. I think he sees himself as just a few kg e tea, but in fact his BMI is over 30 now.

So I did again ask him not to be the food police (both yesterday teasingly, and today quite seriously). He claimed that I hadn't lost any weight in a month. Actually I have lost 4 kg (8 lb), but I did mention that when I got back from a two week trip to India I was the same as when I left (I dropped a kg quickly the next day or two, because it was swelling from flying, but I didn't update him). I think he still doesn't trust that I won't screw this up. Fair enough, I still have those thoughts too.

But my sense of boundaries is a lot stronger now. I don't believe he has the right to act as though I don't look great. If I stop losing now, he should be ok with it. I am in a size 12, I am overweight BMI (almost all the health benefits come from dropping from obese into overweight, statistically), and have lost 35 kg (70 lb). If I had always been this weight I would not accept a man telling me I needed to lose, so he doesn't get to insinuate that either. He gets to be proud of me and trust me. Even if I gain, it is on me and not on him, right?

I'm just having a hard time with this. I don't want to get in a fight about it but I want to protect my boundaries and self esteem. And mostly I wanted to vent a little and put it out there for others to react to. What do you think?

I showed my hubby the thread last night and said look no one seems to understand why you go after my food like a starving animal......His response....come on guys I'm working on it..And then he threw his head back and laughed!!!!!!!!!!

Yup he took it hard folks!

I like this guy! Well, there goes the rubber hamburger rib. Itching powder?

I like him too! It may be one of those endearingly annoying things that our spouses do that we just roll our eyes about and move on without worrying about it too much. I dunno.

You guys are funny.....I asked him why he does the snatching more out in a restaurant then at home and he said " You always cook so much more then I can eat at home so I only go for the good stuff at home that is left on your plate.( what does that mean anyway? ..Out it is all tempting because I never get enough to eat when I am out...Look he said I will try to let you finish before I reach over k"..

I don't know about you guys but I think he is not going to really change....I think you are right GG endearingly annoying..Yup that describes him to a T!

The earlier post saying maybe he's concerned about not being able to resist once the package is open ... I GET THAT! I live alone (well, except for my 2 canine kids) and as long as I can leave a package closed -- and preferably out of sight -- I can probably resist. But once it's open it's katie bar the door and I'm sunk.

Way before surgery I had stopped buying "normal" size packages of, say, Cookies and instead I would buy the little bitty package from the gas station food mart every 2-3 weeks. Just one little package, not several at a time. Portion control has always been an issue for me UNTIL I had the surgery. Thank you, Sleevie!

husband has become the FP again

mistysj

for the very 1rst time in 2+ years my DH said something to me yesterday!!!

I had one fage yogurt with fresh blueberries and granola (yum yum, my favorite)

about 4 hours i had another one

tom commented something like, "didn't you already have one of those earlier?"

i couldn't believe it

btw DH is about 100 lbs overweight (doesn't want to lose weight, but is thrilled for my weight loss)

go figure

kathy

Edited December 30, 201312 yr by proudgrammy