Not the response you wanted...Oh you've lost weight? really?

[kll724 3,055]

Wshfully, I totally get where you are coming from! We can't change them, but we can change our response to them....I'm here for ya~! And I know you will get in to those pjs!! Maybe you can start giving gramma your hand me downs, tell her they are too big for you, but you thought they might fit her. LOL

Funny thing is I have done that to her. I told her I would give her some of my old scrubs and then this last time I visited her she asked if I brought the scrubs that were too tight on me...and I said no! I'm giving you my ones that are too big. and she said oh that's right. haha. Guess what shes getting this Christmas...all my oversized scrubs that I can't wear anymore...shes wanted them for months now. familys can be crazy!!

Good for you! You sound like you, mom and dad all handle gramma just right! Give her your scrubs!!!Serves her right!Merry Christmas! Karen..aka.kll724

[Kitt3000 757]

So just an added comment, because it just happened, again.. I have a long time friend who has decided to share with everyone around her and everyone she introduces me to, how I have lost over 46 pounds, by way of opening conversation. I am feeling awkward and embarrassed when she points this out, and mighty uncomfortable. As if my weight is defining me. I want to ask her to stop saying it, but can't. I feel like it will escalate the talking behind my back. And scrutiny over my body, " did she have a face lift?, boob job? Tummy Tuck? Is her jewelry real? I know I sound insecure, part of gaining the weight in the first place, was not garnering attention, exactly what she is spotlighting now. You all know of "friends" like this, how do you handle it, next to dropping your friend? I don't even want to say how much weight I have lost, just to avoid this scenario!

[Suziecat 379]

In defense of your grandma or any other family member I would like to say this. Their love for you is so strong that they only see your eyes. I ran into that with my sister. Weighing over 400 pounds and losing 150 so far, my sister told me she never saw my weight. She said don't think I'm stupid, yes I do know you are over weight but I don't see it because I love you.

I hope I explained that well enough.

Keep up with the losing and know that you are loved.

[intelirish 714]

This is something i like to open and read when ever someone get's me down about my weight we can't control how folks will act or what they'll say most likely the words where not meant to hurt... hugs to you and every one who posted here.. keep up the good work

[terrydumont46 1,954]

i have noticed that no one mentions my weight loss. just the other day i was thinking it. even the ppl that know i had surgery seem to be walking on glass around me. but i think this journey is for me is why it doesn't effect me. i used to lose wt for other ppl but this time it truly is mine to own.

[Bandista 7,466]

So just an added comment, because it just happened, again.. I have a long time friend who has decided to share with everyone around her and everyone she introduces me to, how I have lost over 46 pounds, by way of opening conversation. I am feeling awkward and embarrassed when she points this out, and mighty uncomfortable. As if my weight is defining me. I want to ask her to stop saying it, but can't. I feel like it will escalate the talking behind my back. And scrutiny over my body, " did she have a face lift?, boob job? Tummy Tuck? Is her jewelry real? I know I sound insecure, part of gaining the weight in the first place, was not garnering attention, exactly what she is spotlighting now. You all know of "friends" like this, how do you handle it, next to dropping your friend? I don't even want to say how much weight I have lost, just to avoid this scenario!

If I were you I would nip this in the bud. How about telling her first how much you appreciate her support and that you can confide in her, then let her know you feel private about your weight loss so please don't ever bring it up with people, then thank her for being so proud of you that this means a lot but it's too personal to have out in the open. This is the love sandwich approach. And of course you need to stop feeding her information on how much you've lost, etc. If people ask, you can say you keep that private. They will get the idea and leave you alone. You will be making lots of new friends who don't see you a certain way and who are not trying to embarrass or sabotage your success.

[Bandista 7,466]

See my gramma likes to sabotage....When my mom first had her surgery my gramma talked about how she would never lose weight and its stupid that ppl have surgery to lose weight. If we all lose weight that makes her the "fat" one. She doesn't want that so she always is trying to force food on anyone who is trying to diet...now my great grammas...they are the ones who want to love you with food lol.

I'm glad you have this cast of characters figured out. Sometimes we are cast in a particular role and when we break out of that people don't like it. I was thinking about the two big sacks of potatoes and what a perfect visual for the amount of weight you've lost. She wants you to carry that around one way or the other. No thanks, Gramma!

[Rmdaniel 30]

Sorry that You had to experience that.Our family members can be our worse critics. Well right after I had my surgery done in may maybe four 4 weeks later. I ran into a dinstant uncle who saw me and the first thing that he said was that I was as a house and needed to lose some weight..Talk about no filter. I was four weeks post op and not many family members and friends knew of my surgery then.I was hurt by what my uncle said. But i use that as motivation to keep on pushing through this journey. I am now 60 pounds down and 25 pounds away from my personal goal weight. I wish you and every one on this thread much sucess with your journey and lapbands.

[Blessed Mz 55]

Family members to be the worst, but what you need to know is that your journey is yours and yours alone. Although it would be nice to hear accolades from those that we love and admire but honest it's not always guaranteed. 4 one they may be coming from a dark place themselves and don't know how to show support for situation that they're going to as well. I've also found that most people that do you have negative things to say r just not happy with themselves so its easier to get at you then to get at themselves. Last this is your journey spazz whatever negative anyone has to say as long as you're feeling good about you that's all that matters its called self esteem, esteem of self so forget what they have to say.

I'm about 2 and a half years post opt, went from 230 lbs give or take down to about 125-130 and I've yet to get a real compliment from any of my siblings, it took a while to get over being hurt about it but then I realized I was hot with or without the support lol i found my new sense of confidence lol

So next time someone says or does something that makes you feel some kinda way, go buy something pretty that you wouldn't have before your weight loss and model around in it for yourself or your someone special (wink wink) and trust me you won't even remember what was said lol. Worked for me

Edited December 22, 2013 by Blessed Mz

[roundisashape 712]

I'd like to think your grandma just always thought you were so beautiful she can't tell the difference - "Granny Goggles" .

[WshfullyShrnkng 80]

So just an added comment, because it just happened, again.. I have a long time friend who has decided to share with everyone around her and everyone she introduces me to, how I have lost over 46 pounds, by way of opening conversation. I am feeling awkward and embarrassed when she points this out, and mighty uncomfortable. As if my weight is defining me. I want to ask her to stop saying it, but can't. I feel like it will escalate the talking behind my back. And scrutiny over my body, " did she have a face lift?, boob job? Tummy Tuck? Is her jewelry real? I know I sound insecure, part of gaining the weight in the first place, was not garnering attention, exactly what she is spotlighting now. You all know of "friends" like this, how do you handle it, next to dropping your friend? I don't even want to say how much weight I have lost, just to avoid this scenario!

I think I am fortunate enough to not have any friends to bring up my weight all the time...well except one and thats because we pretty much had our surgeries together. She had hers a month after me (yes shes kicking my butt in the weight loss department) but she never uses our weight loss for convo starter. I think the best thing to do in my opinion as I don't have this problem would be to be honest with her. Tell her that you are thankful that she is so proud of you for having lost the weight but you would like to try and keep it a little more personal. That you don't feel comfortable with people hearing about how big you were before (not me calling you big....but come one thats how I would say it) I think some people fail to realize that often this is a new start for us and we want to be seen as we are now and we don't want to relive the "big" us any more. I know I have visions in my head for what I will be like and nowhere in my head do I see my Past. When I see my pics all over facebook...I feel ashamed that I even showed the world that side of me. I want to be remembered as that girl who is active, fit, thin, healthy. Not as the person who had to lose a large amount of weight for people to see me and complement me. Does that make sense? again this is just my opinion. the choice is yours, but I hope you can keep her as a friend because it sounds a bit like she is proud of you (of course I don't know your background so maybe its not like that...idk!!)

[WshfullyShrnkng 80]

This is something i like to open and read when ever someone get's me down about my weight we can't control how folks will act or what they'll say most likely the words where not meant to hurt... hugs to you and every one who posted here.. keep up the good work

I laughed so hard at the it takes 20 years part!! haha. I try to look past it all...the people who mean the most to me...my boyfriend, my best friends, my mom and dad...they notice and they are the ones who really matter. I want nothing more than to be fit like my family. I saved that picture...I will have to remember that haha.

[WshfullyShrnkng 80]

Sorry that You had to experience that.Our family members can be our worse critics. Well right after I had my surgery done in may maybe four 4 weeks later. I ran into a dinstant uncle who saw me and the first thing that he said was that I was as a house and needed to lose some weight..Talk about no filter. I was four weeks post op and not many family members and friends knew of my surgery then.I was hurt by what my uncle said. But i use that as motivation to keep on pushing through this journey. I am now 60 pounds down and 25 pounds away from my personal goal weight. I wish you and every one on this thread much sucess with your journey and lapbands.

Congrats on the weight loss! I probably would have decked that distant uncle had it been me!! I guess another experience I had that I haven't shared is this:

I am a part of a club at my college... Our club decided to go buy shirts for our members at the local embroidery shop. While I was there my best friend and I demanded that we be allowed to order woman's and men's shirts this year. Our adviser was always trying to make us lady's wear men's shirts, which ended up meaning we swam in our shirts. Well he finally said okay go ahead. I told the lady I wanted a 2x Shirt. She told me I would never be able to fit into that. I told her yes I can. And she said no it won't fit, woman's runs smaller than men's. I told her I was losing almost 10 pounds a month and she said "ah good for you...maybe you should come back in a few months and we can order that for you." she then proceeded to tell me I should order a 2x in men's and pulled one off the rack. I took it in my hands feeling numb...I then said...I would also like to try on the 2x woman's. So reluctantly she found one and sent me to the back to try it on. I cried for a few minutes in the back and then tried on the shirts. The men's fit okay but was a bit baggy and not flattering at all. The woman's was a tad snug but I knew I would fit it when it finally arrived. So I went out and ordered that dang 2x woman's shirt and a few weeks later I picked it up and tried it on and said oh boy this fits real nice. She looked and said, "yes that fits very nice" Dang right it does Biotch...is what I wanted to say but I said, Thanks and walked out. Needless to say...the things that people can say to someone is amazing. I am just glad I could stick it to her...lol

[WshfullyShrnkng 80]

Family members to be the worst, but what you need to know is that your journey is yours and yours alone. Although it would be nice to hear accolades from those that we love and admire but honest it's not always guaranteed. 4 one they may be coming from a dark place themselves and don't know how to show support for situation that they're going to as well. I've also found that most people that do you have negative things to say r just not happy with themselves so its easier to get at you then to get at themselves. Last this is your journey spazz whatever negative anyone has to say as long as you're feeling good about you that's all that matters its called self esteem, esteem of self so forget what they have to say.

I'm about 2 and a half years post opt, went from 230 lbs give or take down to about 125-130 and I've yet to get a real compliment from any of my siblings, it took a while to get over being hurt about it but then I realized I was hot with or without the support lol i found my new sense of confidence lol

So next time someone says or does something that makes you feel some kinda way, go buy something pretty that you wouldn't have before your weight loss and model around in it for yourself or your someone special (wink wink) and trust me you won't even remember what was said lol. Worked for me

I have come not to expect a lot from my gramma. She is "that" type of person. Whenever the family gets together (including extended family) and then they head home...my poor grampa gets an earful! My gramma can be a sweet loving person...don't get me wrong...but she can also be quite hateful. We have a long standing history of our own personal battles against each other. Part of which is she sees my mom as a screw up and I see my mom as someone who could poop gold. haha. She hated when my mom had her weight loss surgery. She had a fit about how its cheating, it will never work, etc. So when I chose to have my surgery I didn't tell any of my family. Only my mom, dad, and boyfriend and his family know. Which was more people then I wanted to know but My boyfriend tells his family everything. I do have close friends who know and recently people at my school...only because I know they are not going to go running to my gramma. I hate that I have to keep my surgery quiet because I would love to have her support but I know that's not how it is. It's not her fault...its how she was raised...and sadly she wasn't able to change her ways as an adult. life goes on and I will continue to battle my weight...and hopefully I will conquer it soon and then I can go buy a whole new wardrobe to show off in...haha

[ChicagoRose 650]

Family can be worse than anyone. Especially the older generation in my opinion. I have lost 70+ lbs and all I hear is how much I don't eat, what I don't eat, what I don't cook anymore, etc. When you are fat everyone complains. When you lose weight everyone complains. It will never be different so I guess I'd rather be thin and hear the rude comments than fat and hear them! In one ear and out the other and KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!