3Rd Day Of Pre Op, Husband Wont Stop Crying, Am I Doing The Right Thing?

[is it just me 80]

Hbeasely my surgery is 12/5/13 and I don't even have anyone to stay with me in the hospital. However, I'm going and will work out recover alone after I'm sleeved! Good luck! Welcome!

Ur a strong women.... U can do this....... Plus we're all here with u in thought...........

[_imgood_ 63]

Awwwww ladies that is a wonderful gesture, I live in Tampa, FL.

[SandeeD 363]

If I were closer I'd be there for you lickity split! I'm in NJ.

[_imgood_ 63]

Thanks!

[LoveAfterWLS 62]

I will tell you what I told my family. If I didn't have the surgery, I was headed for a sure death or life in a wheelchair. My knees hurt so bad. I had already had three knee surgeries and one since my sleeve. I had sleep apnea for 13 years. I no longer sleep with my cpap. My high blood pressure is gone and so is my high cholesterol. I can walk 5 miles at a time now. I could barely walk to the mailbox and back six months ago. I can't even begin to tell you all the ways my life has changed.

I was crying as they wheeled me into the OR but I told myself what I was doing wasn't living. I am so glad I went through with my surgery. It was the best decision I ever made.

Hang in there. You will be saying the same thing six months from now!

[follmerpa 35]

Your husband will come around when he sees how happy you are. Sometimes there is a fear, that with the new you comes new friends. My wife said to me once that shes a bit worried I will look for a new wife when I start to lose weight. I keep reassuring her this is for her as much as it is for me.

Stay strong and stay with this forum theres a ton of great people here for support and help.

paul

[caroline2 89]

I wish you the best of luck. Lots of great ideas and suggestions. Most of the time when people have fear about this surgery, they just need more education. I'm sure it's very scary to him. He needs education and needs to be a part of the process, in my opinion. Keep us updated!

[SandeeD 363]

I will tell you what I told my family. If I didn't have the surgery, I was headed for a sure death or life in a wheelchair. My knees hurt so bad. I had already had three knee surgeries and one since my sleeve. I had sleep apnea for 13 years. I no longer sleep with my cpap. My high blood pressure is gone and so is my high cholesterol. I can walk 5 miles at a time now. I could barely walk to the mailbox and back six months ago. I can't even begin to tell you all the ways my life has changed. I was crying as they wheeled me into the OR but I told myself what I was doing wasn't living. I am so glad I went through with my surgery. It was the best decision I ever made. Hang in there. You will be saying the same thing six months from now!

Loveafterwls, you give me hope! I have severe back problems and just walking from my front door to my car in the driveway is becoming a chore, forget putting the trash cans to the curb. My right knee is starting to give me trouble lately. This surgery can't happen soon enough!

[LoveAfterWLS 62]

SandeeD, I walked a 5K in the cold, pouring down rain last weekend I came in last but I did it! Six months ago I couldn't have walked from my car to the starting line!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I was on the road to early death with a Detour through disability....and after the weight loss I feel younger,healthy and hopeful. I understand his anxiety as I was very anxious preop, but sleeve has low percentage of complications and very low death risk versus 100percent chance of serious obesity related illness and young death without the surgery.

[Shrinking Tammy 15]

I can somewhat relate. My husband is not feeling my surgery either. He feels that it is "just something that I want to do" and that it is not needed. (Despite my BMI being at 50.6!). I eventually told him that this is what i'm doing and if he is not going to support me at least don't say anything negative. I am hoping that everything goes well and he jumps on the band wagon next year as his own BMI is in the high 40's.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Just some food for thought...

Have you thought about getting him some counseling or doing some group work? Is there a spousal support group for obesity and WLS in your area? Does he have someone he can talk to other than you and look to for support?

Something someone said to me that I NEVER thought of on my own when I had my brain surgery... A good friend who had also had a brain tumor removed called me about a week before my surgery and asked if I wanted her husband to call mine. When I asked why, she asked me why in the world would I think that my husband didn't need the same support and hand holding that I did? She was absolutely right. I always thought of him as the "strong one", the one who "had it all together" when in actuality, he probably needed an outlet to talk himself. Instead, he always had to put on a brave face for me while I literally fell apart day after day.

Sounds like your husband needs someone he can talk to so that he can be strong for you. There's no shame in that. He loves you and he needs you.

[hbeasley 19]

Great questions about the support groups. I will definitely look into that tomorrow!

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

And it might also be worth exploring why his reaction is so extreme and taking away focus from what you might need emotionally right now. My husband has had some ups and downs in the last couple of weeks as he was turned down for the surgery 2-3 weeks after mine was done. He is worried about being left "in the dust" and has made comments about me getting the jump on him, etc.

I don't mean to add a sinister twist to this, because I know my own husband's behavior isn't sinister. But "guilting" me over my surgery isn't helping the overall situation, for all I understand that he is dealing with his own fears and anxieties. I have had to say calmly, many times…"My surgery wasn't about you; my results are not about our relationship." He needs to be made to feel calm and safe, but I'm post-op…you need to feel calm and safe right now, too.

For what it's worth.

[Beach Lover 1,084]

Have you spoken with him about his possibly being afraid that you will get thin and leave him? He might not want to verbalize it but still be totally afraid that you will leave him. Just a thought.