female only So apparently I'm a hypocrite for getting weight loss surgery

[Tbird49 66]

That's not a friend they don't add any value to your life journey so cut them loose .... You made this decision stand by it with pride in knowing why YOU did it ... Move onward we all support you

[jenpez 113]

I do feel for you. Losing a friend can be traumatic, so can losing someone who turns out not to be a friend. This girl is mean and is riddled with her own problems. You were right to unfriend her. Isn't it weird how we might have twenty people who say lots of good things to, and about us and yet we still fret over the one person who is mean. I'm a grandmother and this still happens to me, I just manage it better now, sometimes!

As a rule people just don't understand that our decision to take this route to become healthy, is not about them. That in making this decision we actually we're not even thinking about them, just about us and our own health.

I have not heard of "fat shaming". How do people think this will work? How odd!

[SerendipityHappens 1,594]

I'm sorry to say, but I'm completely disgusted with your friend! I'm 100% against fat shaming. I also believe strongly in the "Health at Every Size" movement. I had accepted my body. I loved my body. I did not have surgery because I was ashamed of my body. I had surgery because I love my body, but I felt that the size that my body had become was a hindrance to me and was keeping me from doing all that I wanted to do in life. If someone else is in a fat body and they don't feel it's a hindrance, then they should not even consider the surgery!

Even though I have had the surgery, I am still an advocate of the Health at Every Size philosophy as it helped me be as healthy as possible in the body that I have. Oddly, surgery was only an option for me BECAUSE I had learned to love and had finally accepted my body.

I know that there are many out there who are true friends and good people, but just say the wrong thing, I get that and I feel that the relationship can be mended as they learn more about surgery and these people can actually become our greatest supporters.... I don't believe that this particular friend is one of them and cutting her loose might just be the best thing for all.

Edited October 13, 2013 by SerendipityHappens

[hopingtolose2013 81]

This person would no longer be my friend. I would send her a message that stated dhe might need to get some medical help herself in the form of medication and counseling for her own demons. I woild apologize for saving my own life with help of a medical team and suggest she do the same bc she isn't right in the head. I would ask her to have nice fufilling life with all that hate in her heart..and hit send. I would then move on. Evil comes in all forms..friendship is one of them. Everyone will see this lesson taught to them at some point in your life. The title friend doesn't automatically make that person nice. Actions do...so when one shows her true colors you can then decide if you want that stress or not. I chose not to have negative or mean people in my life. (Unless related!)

[HoosierGirl 780]

So sad to hear you are dealing with this. Funny how hurting people always try to hurt other people. Clearly this is HER issue...not yours.

You have so much positive change going for yourself right now. It's obvious she doesn't have the emotional capacity to cheer for a friend.

Says it all that you have seen her do this to other people in the past. Cut off contact and be politely busy if you run into her in the future. She sounds like a very sad person. Hugs to you and congrats!

And keep going with your blog. In fact, what is your blog address so we can post awesome comments that she will read and obsess over?! LOL!

[lsereno 2,525]

I'm waiting for this documentary to air on PBS Independent Lens series. It's scheduled for Spring 2014, but the exact date has not been announced yet.

http://www.allofmemovie.com/

I've heard mean comments from a few people, but I didn't do this for them, so it's Water off by back.

Lynda

[LI Gemini NY 607]

I'm waiting for this documentary to air on PBS Independent Lens series. It's scheduled for Spring 2014' date=' but the exact date has not been announced yet. http://www.allofmemovie.com/ I've heard mean comments from a few people, but I didn't do this for them, so it's Water off by back. Lynda[/quote']

All of me- sounds like it'll be amazing, waiting anxiously to see it too.

[skikyd 165]

Tonight on Facebook when of my "friends" posted a long' date=' ranting status about a blog I wrote today without mention my name or tagging me on it and when I called her out on it she said that today's blog was just one of the many things that she has found "amusing" about my writing. Then she proceeded to say that I'm a hypocrite for standing against fat shaming when I've had weight loss surgery, among other things.

I'm at a total loss here. I thought I was pretty good friends with this girl and this has beyond hurt my feelings to have her accuse me of thinking and doing a bunch of horrible things that I never thought or did (she also said that I called her the C word and I didn't).

It really bothers me that she just quietly thought I was a hypocrite for my weight loss surgery instead of just asking me about it. I've been very clear about why I got weight loss surgery and it was so I didn't die at 40. I was over 300 lbs with a family history of obesity, heart problems and diabetes. NOT having weight loss surgery would have been stupid.

The part that kills me is that when I get to my goal weight, I'll still be classified as overweight by the BMI! I'm never going to be skinny! I'll always be overweight so not being fat shamed is always going to be relevant for me!

I'm so upset. I had no idea she thought this about me at all. We hadn't seen each other in a while, but we had always gotten along and I thought she was my friend. I haven't had anyone react negatively to my weight loss and this really hurts.[/quote']

Happy Cat

This is hard enough. You don't need negative people in you life.

Ignore her.

Only tell people you are pretty sure will be supportive.

I have not told my family except mu wife and son--- totally supportive.

I KNOW the others will be a problem. I am 10 days Pre-op and have fooled the also far

I saw my mother last week. She said I looked Loire I had put on weight ....I told her she was full of it and that I was in fact DOWN. 37 #.

I went to a party witH my in laws tonite. THEY know. Few noticed my loss. 50 # YTD.

I said the BE-atch of it is; ;no body notices the first 75 pounds!

[grace1968 2]

unfriend her and move foreword .

[thehappycat 91]

So sad to hear you are dealing with this. Funny how hurting people always try to hurt other people. Clearly this is HER issue...not yours.

You have so much positive change going for yourself right now. It's obvious she doesn't have the emotional capacity to cheer for a friend.

Says it all that you have seen her do this to other people in the past. Cut off contact and be politely busy if you run into her in the future. She sounds like a very sad person. Hugs to you and congrats!

And keep going with your blog. In fact, what is your blog address so we can post awesome comments that she will read and obsess over?! LOL!

My blog is called Scrapbook of Truth. You can find all of my gastric sleeve stuff here: http://www.scrapbookoftruth.com/category/gastric-sleeve/

I don't allow comments on the blog, but your support is appreciated. The girl in question posted on a group message with another friend who we were supposed to hang out with the next day that I was pissed with her and we were going to "see how it played out". I left the message and haven't said a word to her since. Sadly, I've seen her turn on other people like this. I just thought that it wouldn't happen to me.

When my friends saw her status they unfriended her immediately. I called one of my best girlfriends the night it happened and she was very supportive. I am so much better off without someone who doesn't understand me and just assumes the worst instead of asking.

I feel really positive about this outcome. I'm surrounded by positive people who care about me and I don't need to be around those who don't.

Also, I was just weighed and I am down 96 lbs! 4 more and my goal is to get a hot air balloon ride! I better hurry up before the weather gets too cold.

[HoosierGirl 780]

THEHAPPYCAT - way to go!!! Loved your blog.

And I am glad you and other friends were able to move away from this unsupportive former friend. Life is so short, you don't need people like that around you.

CONGRATULATIONS on your weight loss!!! Please be sure to post those hot air balloon pictures!

[thehappycat 91]

THEHAPPYCAT - way to go!!! Loved your blog.

And I am glad you and other friends were able to move away from this unsupportive former friend. Life is so short, you don't need people like that around you.

CONGRATULATIONS on your weight loss!!! Please be sure to post those hot air balloon pictures!

Thanks! I definitely will. I've never been in a hot air balloon before so I will be taking a million pictures.

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

I'm with Gamergirl on this matter. In short, your 'friend' is, as we Brits sometimes like to call it; 'Howl at the moon mad'.

Firstly, 'arses and elbows' comes to mind with regards to the cogency of her argument.

Secondly, she's been moronic and immature enough to post a derisive message on a board that you manage?! In short - she's an idiot. She wanted a run in - and she got one! Well done her!

I know you're hurt - who wouldn't be. However, and taking the weight loss/weight loss surgery completely out of the equation, this bird seems to crave attention. Ignoring her irrational musings and moving on, will be the best thing you can possibly do for your physical and mental well being.

Those that truly love you won't entertain another moment of her lunacy and nor should you!

[SuperFab 689]

Hmmm. U didn't call her the "c" word. Can I?

[7 Bites_Jen 479]

I have had similar experiences, the only difference is the person that I had issues with wasn't a "healthy person":

I used to be the "fat one" in the group at 300 lbs. Now that I am under 200 lbs, I am no longer the heaviest person in my circle of friends. In fact, I am the thinnest one in the group. They all struggle with diet, exercise, high blood pressure, and diabetes and I don't. Each of them, in turn, has said something to me about going to easy way out and how hard they're working on trying to lose weight - while munching on a donut or pizza. One of them has even accused me of becoming a "health snob" and won't talk to me anymore.

It's so hurtful and aggravating when people do things like this and turn their backs on us. It helps to remember that we did this for us and our health - not for them. If they have a problem with it - weather they're already healthy or overweight - it's their own issues, not ours.

People that are unsupportive of our healthier lifestyle changes are toxic and not people we need in our lives.