Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

A Jewish Parrot!



Recommended Posts

A Jewish Parrot

Three Jewish sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third said, "I've got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys reading the Torah and you know she can't see very well? I sent her a large brown parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $1,000,000 a year for twenty years but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks. She wrote to the first son, "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

She wrote to the second son, "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes and the driver is SO rude."

She wrote to the third son, "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How precious!! chicken? For goodness sakes. That was one expensive dinner!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A Christian Parrot

Three Christian sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third said, "I've got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys reading the Bible and you know she can't see very well? I sent her a large brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty ministers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $1,000,000 a year for twenty years but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks. She wrote to the first son, "Martin, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

She wrote to the second son, "Mitchel, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes and the driver is SO rude."

She wrote to the third son, "Dearest Michael, you were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A Muslim Parrot

Three Muslim sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third said, "I've got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys reading the Holy Qur'an and you know she can't see very well? I sent her a large brown parrot that can recite the entire Holy Qur'an. It took twenty Imams 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $1,000,000 a year for twenty years but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the Surah and verse and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks. She wrote to the first son, "Omar, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

She wrote to the second son, "Hussein, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes and the driver is SO rude."

She wrote to the third son, "Dearest Mohammed, you were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A Jewish guy who has lead a very bad life - he has denied the faith of his fathers, been unfaithful to his wife, and cheated his partners - is killed in a head-on collision while driving one day. To his surprise he wakes up in the most beautiful environment he has ever seen. Eventually he gets around to asking where he is.

"Why, you are in Hell," is the reply.

Death continues to be a pleasure for him and one day while on his rambles he notices a mountain in the distance and decides to hike there for a closer look.

When he gets to the top he sees that it is in fact a volcano and looking in he see the most horrifying sight. He sees men and women being burnt and tortured by devilish looking creatures. Terrified, he runs away.

Many hours later he describes that chamber of horrors and asks, what was that?!?

"Oh! That's Hell for the Christians. They seem to prefer it that way."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for your reiterations of the joke, TOM. I was thinking the same thing but was too lazy to make the observation.

It's a funny joke, but the Judaism (of the parrot? of the family?) is irrelevant. I don't get it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Green: Unlike the Parrot joke, your joke required the person to be Jewish.

Oy! *shrugs* I know, I know. I just really like the joke is all....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A Jewish guy who has lead a very bad life - he has denied the faith of his fathers, been unfaithful to his wife, and cheated his partners - is killed in a head-on collision while driving one day. To his surprise he wakes up in the most beautiful environment he has ever seen. Eventually he gets around to asking where he is.

"Why, you are in Hell," is the reply.

Death continues to be a pleasure for him and one day while on his rambles he notices a mountain in the distance and decides to hike there for a closer look.

When he gets to the top he sees that it is in fact a volcano and looking in he see the most horrifying sight. He sees men and women being burnt and tortured by devilish looking creatures. Terrified, he runs away.

Many hours later he describes that chamber of horrors and asks, what was that?!?

"Oh! That's Hell for the Christians. They seem to prefer it that way."

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA I love it I ask my husband this all the time about the Christians...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Eve411

      April Surgery
      Am I the only struggling to get weight down. I started with weight of 297 and now im 280 but seem to not lose more weight. My nutrtionist told me not to worry about the pounds because I might still be losing inches. However, I do not really see much of a difference is this happen to any of you, if so any tips?
      Thanks
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Clueless_girl

      Well recovering from gallbladder removal was a lot like recovering from the modified duodenal switch surgery, twice in 4 months yay 🥳😭. I'm having to battle cravings for everything i shouldn't have, on top of trying to figure out what happens after i eat something. Sigh, let me fast forward a couple of months when everyday isn't a constant battle and i can function like a normal person again! 😞
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • KeeWee

      It's been 10 long years! Here is my VSG weight loss surgiversary update..
      https://www.ae1bmerchme.com/post/10-year-surgiversary-update-for-2024 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Aunty Mamo

      Iʻm roughly 6 weeks post-op this morning and have begun to feel like a normal human, with a normal human body again. I started introducing solid foods and pill forms of medications/supplements a couple of weeks ago and it's really amazing to eat meals with my family again, despite the fact that my portions are so much smaller than theirs. 
      I live on the island of Oʻahu and spend a lot of time in the water- for exercise, for play,  and for spiritual & mental health. The day I had my month out appointment with my surgeon, I packed all my gear in my truck, anticipating his permission to get back in the ocean. The minute I walked out of that hospital I drove straight to the shore and got in that water. Hallelujah! My appointment was at 10 am. I didn't get home until after 5 pm. 
      I'm down 31 pounds since the day of surgery and 47 since my pre-op diet began, with that typical week long stall occurring at three weeks. I'm really starting to see some changes lately- some of my clothing is too big, some fits again. The most drastic changes I notice however are in my face. I've also noticed my endurance and flexibility increasing. I was really starting to be held up physically, and I'm so grateful that I'm seeing that turn around in such short order. 
      My general disposition lately is hopeful and motivated. The only thing that bugs me on a daily basis still is the way those supplements make my house smell. So stink! But I just bought a smell proof bag online that other people use to put their pot in. My house doesn't stink anymore. 
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Oh yeah, something I wanted to rant about, a billing dispute that cropped up 3 months ago.
      Surgery was in August of 2023. A bill shows up for over $7,000 in January. WTF? I asks myself. I know that I jumped through all of the insurance hoops and verified this and triple checked that, as did the surgeon's office. All was set, and I paid all of the known costs before surgery.
      A looong story short, is that an assistant surgeon that was in the process of accepting money from my insurance company touched me while I was under anesthesia. That is what the bill was for. But hey, guess what? Some federal legislation was enacted last year to help patients out when they cannot consent to being touched by someone out of their insurance network. These types of bills fall under something called, "surprise billing," and you don't have to put up with it.
      https://www.cms.gov/nosurprises
      I had to make a lot of phone calls to both the surgeon's office and the insurance company and explain my rights and what the maximum out of pocket costs were that I could be liable for. Also had to remind them that it isn't my place to be taking care of all of this and that I was going to escalate things if they could not play nice with one another.
      Quick ending is that I don't have to pay that $7,000+. Advocate, advocate, advocate for yourself no matter how long it takes and learn more about this law if you are ever hit with a surprise bill.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×