Crappy A#% Friends

[Justkeepswimming37 31]

I am so pissed at one of my besties right now. At least I thought she was one of my better friends prior to surgery. She was kind of weird prior to surgery, didn't ask much about it or anything. Now almost 3 weeks post op she has texted my sister once to see how I was and called me once. The call to me was about work. We had planned to get together for a pedicure today and I woke up this morning to a cancellation text. WTH!

I only told a handful of family members and 3 of my friends about the surgery. One of my friends I rarely talk to but she has taken time out of her crazy schedule to call me multiple times to check in. The one I talked to daily has called me once. I'm pissed! I'm not trying to be a baby but does she not care I had major surgery? She is also overweight so I think maybe she is jealous of my decision to better myself. She is also going through a divorce now so I know she's stressed but come on. I have been supportive of her 3 year separation/divorce proceedings so I think a little how are you doing would be nice.

I'm sure others have experienced similar stories and I'd love to hear them. I'm hoping a rally of my Sleeve Buddies will help me simmer down some. I'm sure my angry feelings will turn to sadness soon.

(Sorry my rants so long)

[AmyInOrlando 348]

Why not call her and ask her what's going on? Tell her you're disappointed that you haven't heard from her, and don't understand it. Don't text, call her and invite her over for "lunch". Let her know you miss her...

[smallbird 168]

I lost the two girls whom I thought were my best friends. Over weight as well, and as I started to drop weight, that's it friendship over. Remember misery loves company, but now you can find some real friends who want you to be happy and healthy.

[Justkeepswimming37 31]

Why not call her and ask her what's going on? Tell her you're disappointed that you haven't heard from her, and don't understand it. Don't text, call her and invite her over for "lunch". Let her know you miss her...

Thanks for the help. I have kind of played that conversation out in my head. I am a pretty straight forward person so I'm sure it will come up. I just hope I stay composed. I work with her so will see her Monday. I return to work Monday and this is just making me want to return less. I am currently looking for a new job and am worried that once I hopefully find a new job I will lose contact with her.

[gamergirl 4,609]

Why not call her and ask her what's going on? Tell her you're disappointed that you haven't heard from her, and don't understand it. Don't text, call her and invite her over for "lunch". Let her know you miss her...

This. Sometimes people just don't know what we need, but if she's a good friend, its okay to ask for what you need.

[atroglet 29]

I know you were looking for others stories but I don't have one. My opinion is you must not have any expectations from friends or family going into this. I have chosen this for me. I don't much care what others think, how they react or do or don't help me with this. It's my journey! If they want to hang on for the ride then great but I'm not going to sit around and wonder why so and so is acting a certain way. Do YOUR thing!

[SuzyB 182]

I agree with the others, call her and invite her out. Who knows maybe she is going thru something herself.

[cms213 119]

I had a similar thing with my close guy friend. He never called or texted after surgery. I was hurt by it because we talked daily and he rarely would ask how I'm doing. I had to make the choice to drop him as a friend or keep him. I kept him but him not being there after surgery is still there.

[notmeanymore 629]

I lost my bestie when I told her I was thinking about looking into surgery. I dont think she had any way of understanding what I was going thru as she has never had a weight problem a day in her life. So lifelong skinny people tend to think that if you just diet and workout that you can just take the weight off. Im ok with it though. I sure am a lot more picky about who I call friend now.

[futureloser 190]

I don't know about you, but for the 4 months prior to surgery I was "all about me". I hope I was not inconsiderate to my friends, but maybe they thought I was. And if she is having her own issues, she may not want to be with someone who is happy and excited about the good things that are happening to you. When you talk to her, maybe try to keep the conversation about her and hopefully she will come around and be a good support for you as we'll.

[Justkeepswimming37 31]

Thanks everyone for the great advice. I think talking to her is the right thing to do. I appreciate your help and encouraging words.

[Macy6 356]

This rang true to me, a lot of the responses did too. My best friend just told me a week or so ago that she was jealous that I was having the surgery. She has lost 50# since May on her own and she also told me that she felt like I haven't been supportive to her in her own weight loss. It made me realize how self involved I have been. Part of my problem was, her and I started together in May, my hope was to drop 50 or so pounds before surgery, although I've dropped and maintained some, I haven't been nearly as successful as her. I have taken the effort to be more supportive to her and involved her how I can. I asked her to come to my pre op final visit with me and asked her to be my ride home from the hospital. I made it known how much I needed her there for both events and things have been better. I'm not sure about you and your friend but me and mine, we have been through lots of ups (in weight) and lots of downs (in weight) together. We have built our friendship around Queso fundido, donuts and crap. We have struggled in plus sizes always having one another to Fall back on, not being the only fat one. She is scared I'm going to just drop down and hit goal in no time (if it were only that easy) she is afraid that I have this surgery that's going to magically keep the weight off (if it were only that easy) she will see my struggles and know its a tool and not a magic trick, but until than, I shall persevere. There is no surgery on this earth that is worth our friendship.

[endless80 697]

I have a good friend who says stuff without thinking about it like "just try diet and excersize" and he's said this about 3-4 times now. The issue is, he's fat too but I'm a little fatter and I can really sense his jealousy even though he would never say he was jealous. I kind of know better.

I've done diet and excersize and they DO WORK for me. Maintaining diet is the reason I looked into this surgical tool. I feel like I've been on the diet and excersize elevator for the last 20 years. I needed to do something about it because I'm the biggest I've ever been now and I'm not getting any younger.

[mattuti86 23]

I too have had problems with friends. I had surgery in December and have been struggling with a leak since March, only 2 if my friends keep in touch and one of them lives across the country, she even sent me a few things to entertain myself while I was in the hospital. The other one I talk to everyday and is always asking me how in doing. My best friend hadn't called or texted me in a couple of months until last week when I was hospitalized due to an infection and she didn't even offer to visit ir called to ask mr if I'm home. She has only visited me once since everything started. A few months ago she asked me if I wanted to have a picnic at the beach when I can't eat and sand could easily give me an infection, she didn't even bother to ask if I was back to normal and seemed upset when I declined. Another friend who also had the surgery seemed to care at first but hasn't made an effort to see how I'm doing now. It sucks to feel that people don't care but I guess they don't. Just wanted to share my experience with you. Hope things have gotten better with your friend.

[PrettyLilButterfly 124]

I haven't lost friends..I told everyone and was blessed with support. but the ONE person who should support me the MOST, hasn't. My significant other just tosses out negative comments daily. "your legs look like chopsticks" "you look like a sick person" "ugh I can feel your bones when I hug you" WTF?? seriously? Oh and my favorite comment... wait for it.... wait for it... "you took the easy way out".. I'm sorry, how is this easy? I'm made to feel as if I just jumped on this bandwagon for sh!ts and giggles. Really? That was the most hurtful. Personally, she should've done it with me. She's larger than I was preop. She was just told she's diabetic. All it took me was being told I was prediabetic...

ugh love sucks...