Lower Body Lift Fun!

[puddin 7]

Oh thank you guys! I want to be able to see through these men before it gets to this. Travis just used me. I feel incredibly used by him. Travis didn't stop the other day until TRAVIS was done, regardless of the fact that I said "stop!" This was the first time since Kori that I've felt date raped and incredibly, incredibly used in the worst way.

He called his morning to talk. I told him I was upset about the other day. He told me that I'd lost my "mystery and luster" to him. What an a#%hole! He said, "Let's not go out tonight." He was just using me. I truly believe that now. He was biding his time until he got what he wanted. I don't know if he's being honest when he says it had been a long time since he'd even made out with a girl. Well he was pretty quick on the draw the other day for someone who hasn't done that in awhile!

I have kind of lost hope if myself and in men. The good ones are... gone. They're married now, to the skinny girl they met at church LOL. I'm stayin single after my date with Brady on Tuesday.

[oneflew 0]

I'm sooooo sorry, Georgia. I'm a little jaded about men. I think that some of them pick out the girls that are nice and a little gullible and then say whatever they think they want to hear to get what they want. Better to know this now, than to have him romance you awhile and you really fall for him, and then find out! I know it's hard. I know it hurts like hell. But try and remember that all men are not like this. You just need to heal. You're a good person. You may be too open. ( I see alot of myself in you.) and you probably wear your heart on your sleeve, it is hard to be something different than we are. Maybe going back to the volunteering, or something to take your mind off of men. Hope this helps, and remember,we all think you're great here!

Sam

[puddin 7]

You guys are just awesome... really. I'm quite certain I must have a lack of self-respect. I hate Kori. I don't want to. I want to forgive him, but before him I was a good girl who had self-respect. I truly thought he loved me and wanted to marry me. Once he used me and threw me away I lost respect for myself and continued to think of myself as only good for one thing with men. What also comes into play here is this element of trying to "one-up" him with good looking guys who "want" me (because he told me the other woman was more attractive). These good looking guys are just trouble. And it spirals downward. You feel worse an worse about yourself after each episode and soon enough you can't stop. I'm surprised I've been as disciplined as I have been, considering the obsessive thoughts about sex I have, pretty much 24/7. I'm taking 5-HTP to see if that will help. I honestly think this could be a product of serotonin deficiency or overtaxed adrenals. But regardless, it's a problem that needs addressing, professionally.

Anyhow, Sam, yeah, I am too open. Can you tell? LOL. I'm pretty honest and I need to be reserved a bit more. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, so to speak, but I like to be 'down to earth' and that, for me, sometimes, equates to talking about your imperfections. Believe it or not, in person I'm pretty even-keel. Most would say I'm a "happy, lively girl" all the time. I don't cry, unless it's today, because I felt date-raped. Anyhow, yeah, more reservation is certainly called for with men. I'll keep this in mind. Thank you for the advice.

And thank you ALL for your advice. It helps me so much to read your posts and know that others have been through it and were able to overcome it and lead happy lives.

[NewBeginnings2018 81]

Puddin I'm so sorry things turned out the way they did with Travis. What a JERK he turned out to be! You need to remember that the problem is NOT you, it's these guys. Perhaps the worst thing you are guilty of is choosing the wrong men which, honestly, is something I think I struggle with too. Either that or the majority of men that are still single are complete asses. hmm...maybe I just stumbled onto something. lol

Keep your chin up puddin.

[warmmorningsun 1]

She Smiles - you are dead on right.

It doesn't matter if we find the most wonderful man, if we're not okay with us, getting to know our own selves, and accepting and loving ourselves...it's pointless.

Puddin you have done amazing things for yourself the last year. It's time for you to love the you on the inside too. Swear off men for a while. Enjoy yourself and being who you are. I read your posts and I am just hurting for you because it seems like you are on an emotional rollercoaster that has nothing to do with the outside, but instead the inside. YOu deserve the love and time - give it to yourself. *HUGS*

EDIT: Puddin, Travis is an asshole. Plain and simple. He's not worthy of being the measuring stick you judge yourself by. Neither was Kori. Sweetie, you have to find amazement and luster in yourself. Spend some time today dwelling on what is awesome about you, and fall in love with yourself. You are soo worthy of someone who will appreciate you in the same way. And you don't have to settle for less. I was always told that I had standards that were too high. But as time has passed, I KNOW that my standards are dead on. Because I now have a guy who loves me the way I deserve. And he's all about making me better and closer to God. And I'm about that for him too. Mutual appreciation and respect. You will find that girl. But you need some time to fall in love with you first.

[warmmorningsun 1]

Puddin, read Brit's post (futurern2bsn) - she is absolutely right.

[warmmorningsun 1]

PUddin - I am kind of worried about you this morning! I've thought about you (I know we're strangers, but I feel impelled to tell you things) and I read your blog and I wanted to repost something your minister (mission president?) said to you and it is so important that you read this. Think about it, he's telling you something that is so key. It's the words that you need to hear, accept, and then live...."Sister Petty, I'll be honest, you're a very pretty woman. There are going to be lots of different kinds of guys who are attracted to you. You need to decide now what your worth is. You are a daughter of God and you don't need shallow men to validate you. You're of infinite worth. You change first, then you date good men, okay? There's a few here tonight. They're not the best looking guys, but they're good guys. And when you change you'll find yourself acting differently, dressing differently"

Girl, listen to this man.

[kareyquilts 1]

Puddin: I agree with all these great women! It's time to cultivate your girlfriends and invest in some sisterhood. Also, check out a book called, "He's just not that in to you." Guys think differently than woman. There are wonderful guys out there, but they still think differently. Get some counseling, stay involved in a worthy cause and love yourself.

[puddin 7]

You guys, I'm sorry for the theatrics. But I can't do this any more. I can't beat this. It's too hard. I'm done trying.

[oneflew 0]

Hey Puddin! Hope you had a good Easter and were able to enjoy some time with your family. I'm not sure what you mean when you say you can't beat this??? Puddin' you can beat anything. You have more determination than most people i've met in my life. You have to have had this to come this far. Don't let anything, or anyone get you down. You are destined for great things. I really believe this.

Hope your week picks up for you.

Sam

[TheGh0st 9]

(NOTE: I apologize for any rambling or offenses in advance, I'm writing this between phone calls at work and it probably will not be the most polished or elegant post.)

Puddin,

I've been a lurker on this thread for the last couple weeks and have read your back posts as well. But after your last couple of comments I feel compelled to respond. There isn't one poster that has responded to you that I would disagree with (That I've read) But if you are anything like me even the most up-beat "you can do it" post can feel like a dagger in the heart when you are personally covinced you just can't do it.

I'm not sure I can say I've been exactly where you are but I wanted to share my own past experience in the hopes you might feel just a little less alone. I'm 37 now and married with one son. But I was born and raised in a very traditional non-denominational church (albeit not the LDS) I had also struggled my whole life with weight and self-esteem issues. When I got to college I managed to lose quite a bit of weight and combining that with the new location full of people that didn't know the "old" me. I put on a more foreward outgoing party facade. Though still determined to maintain my virginity until marriage. Then one night I was date-raped by a "friend" I had willingly started kissing in his dorm room. I felt so guilty over the whole incident not even wanting to admit it was a rape but feeling instead it was my own fault for not saying no for the 50th time, for not screaming, for not fighting harder to get out the door, for having gone in the room to begin with. Then in the weeks afterwards I felt so little of myself I managed to "sleep" with 1-2 new friends each week after a few months that tapered off to 1 a month or two. It took nearly 2-3 years for me to finally break free of my self destructive behaviour fueled both by my own feelings of religious guilt and the "in-the moment" thrill I would get but didn't want to admit to.

OK I know this all sounds pretty depressing but my point is eventually I was able to work through it. Found a good guy and settled down. I have to admit him and I also had relations before marriage with each other and the fact he is aware that a large percentage of my male "friends" from the past have also "known" me has not always been easy. But I did survive. We've been married for 14 years now and are both active in our church. In the long run I think the struggles I went through have strengthened my walk with Christ. There have been a few times I feel like some of my Christian friends might think less of me if they knew my past but most of them do and do not judge me for it.

Most days now I can even look back on those days and laugh at them. After all if I don't laugh the alternative is to cry. And I'm done with that.

To be honest my biggest fear with losing the weight I have has been that I might be tempted to relive some of those days of my pre-married youth. But I'm not the same person now I was then. I'm not better!!! just not the same at nearly 40 and more importantly married.

I'm sorry for rattling and have no idea if I've been of any help or have just been more depressing. My hope is that wether you give up on your efforts at restraint for now or not that you realize that one day you will overcome this and when that day, month or year comes. That you forgive yourself and move forward with your head held high. Until then try to enjoy this time of discovery as best you can and not judge yourself too harshly.

PS - just think of the stories you'll be able to share with your grandchildren. I loved both my grandmothers but one of mine had been a cigar smoking wild child herself back in the 1930's. When I got to be in highschool and early college it meant so much to me to be able to have someone like her I could talk to and know she would understand and not judge even if she did wish better for me.

[marys 2]

Hi puddin, Also wanted to chime in although I've not read EVERY post! I too spent my youth conflicted with sexual issues. I was the fat one, never had any dates until late in college and absolutely no experience with the opposite sex - very naive and inexperienced coupled with low/no self esteem led to many encounters like you describe. Once I lost some weight and had men pay attention to me I went wild. I slept with many people or engaged in oral sex with men that really had no respect or interest in me beyond what was happening. I was drinking heavily to give me the confidence (ha) to do the things I was doing. Unfortunately, none of the sexual encounters were fulfilling in any way and left me feeling cheap, degraded and worse then I felt before.

I know you might find this strange but I am Happy for you that you are enjoying yourself -

I even had sex with a guy and then told him we weren't going to do it anymore etc. etc. (i think you described that too) only to realize that wasn't going to work and of course, we did do it again.

It wasn't until many years later that I met a wonderful guy who didn't even try anything beyond a kiss until I practically attacked him (still into my old habits) but I'm still with this guy after 14 years and we are happy, monagamous and still in love.

I think a lot of young women go through the sexual stages you describe - unfortunately (or fortunately) religion, our own beliefs, etc cause us even more grief. Though raised Catholic I did not face the extreme religious consequences you describe although I've never been one to listen to the church as much as others - it is a part of my life but I don't live strictly by any religious group's doctrine.

I'm not doubting you can stop having these sexual experiences because i guess we can all do pretty much what we want/say/put our mind to but I am saying you have discovered your sexual nature and you can't deny it now. You can only learn more about you and your nature and hopefully be true to yourself.

I hope you can reconcile your religion to your life and lifestyle but I mostly hope you find a deeper self respect and a great guy that will respect and love you.

[TheGh0st 9]

Marys Said it MUCH Better than I could/did!

Just remember no matter how you behave now or for how long. God will always forgive you when you are ready.

[spldgrl 0]

ok, Gretchen, put on your big girl panties and listen up!!@!!

quit, QUIT, giv9ng these damn guys your life! we have been around the block with this guy crap, and I am telling you as your friend, 'YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR THIS SHIT!' it is not about them, it is about you! take time for you. I feel like slapping you! quit giving them the power over you. I know you are strong, go back and read the posts, your power, hell, you are SUPERWOMAN!!! remember?? You can and will take control of this issue, you have to tell yourself over and over again that you are in control of your actions, and your life not someone or anyone else. If you tell your inner self you cannot achieve you wont! did you stop having faith in yourself while loosing weight, what about on that damn treadmill at 6mph, do you say you cant and stop? no you keep running until YOU decide you are now at your goal. Its an analagy, I know but it is the same thing, If you say you are not in control with these men, then your not they are.

Yes, I have been date raped, not similiar, cuz I did not willing participate, I did report it and it was the first time, I dont think about it cuz it pisses me off that I let someone have that much power over me for so long, and for this yes, I am a bitch about this stuff cuz I know for a fact, if you give someone else the power to control your being it will! shit happens, thats life, learn from it and move on. now your opportunity to shit or get off the pot is on! so what will you do?

You and I have the blunt thing in common, as well as a few other aspects I have discovered over the last months. I know you can do what you set your mind to, and we all on this post want to support you, but we cant love you unitl you love yourself. that is the hardest thing in all of this weight loss. we love our new looks but the baggage stays with us. It is hard, and thank goodness, I do not have to date in this world, but trust me there are other issue to work thru too. I wish I could tell you how to fix this, or that someone else could fix this for you or take the pain, but we cant only you have that power, see you have the power, just find it!

Last comment from the peanut gallery....

Maybe remembering this at times of temptation will discourage you.

I had relationships prior to marriage, my husband did not. In 21 years of marriage there have been times when he brought up the fact that I did not "wait" for him. not mean, just the fact and the pain that it causes him that I have been with someone else. It is hard to say no or stop now, but it is very hard to live with later when you are married. another mom 101

let me know how you are today!!!

[puddin 7]

Thanks for believing in me, you guys, even if I still feel overwhelmed by the thought of giving this up. I hope, like some of you said, that one day I can get past this, too. Brenda, woman, I deserve to be slapped. I'm sure this is frustrating y'all to no end. I'll probably quit posting here because I'm apparently not willing to listen at the moment and therefore don't really need the support. Sorry for dragging you all into my theatrical life, at the moment. I'm not giving the guys the power right now, I'm just giving into something I have a hard time controlling. Yeah, I gave Travis the power the other night, but I'm not answering his calls right now anyway. This issue is not about Travis, it's about me.