I am a future Mexico self pay sleever.

I was originally scheduled for March 9th but had to reschedule. I got extremely sick and the doctor's could not find anything wrong. I did not want to go through surgery not knowing why I was hurting and sick. I rescheduled my surgery for July 27th.

In the meantime I started thinking and worrying more and more about my daughter's weight. She is 14 and been overweight for 2 years. She is 5`3 and weighs 248. She has tried to diet and exercise but has a very hard time losing weight. The doctors can't find anything to stop her from losing medically.

She is starting a new school, in a new city this year after going to the same school her whole life. She is terrified of being made fun of. I also don't want her to deal with all the side effects of being overweight. I know I don't have to list the side effects on here, just think of your own personal experiences.

About a month ago I contacted my doctor, Dr. Garcia, and sent him her medical info. He accepted her for surgery even though she is very young. I changed our dates to August 10th, paid her deposit, and booked the flights for us.

Now, I am having second thoughts. I am terrified of taking my young daughter to another country for surgery. I don't know if I am being pro-active and stopping this before it gets out of hand or letting her give up on losing weight on her own. Then I start thinking that her life has barely started and I am forever altering her. My mind is just racing with thoughts.

She is very excited about the surgery though.

I need some advice from people who have had surgery, from parents, or anyone else who wants to respond.

If my mom didn't have frozen dinners, little Debbie's, Cheetos, hot dogs, etc in the house with the freedom to eat whatever and when ever I wanted, I probably wouldn't be in this situation. Veggies and fruit were completely foreign to me as a kid. Leading by example can work especially when you have kids who have no control over what foods are kept in the house. I think OP is feeling guilty of what her daughter has become. My dad did and offered to pay for lapband when I was 18. I knew then I wasn't ready for anything like that!

I agree this surgery isn't going to fix anything but her size. Teens of any size can have issues with low self esteem, depression, promiscuity, being bullied, etc.

This so much! My parents were both small (my Mom under weight for most of her life). So they never thought about putting restrictions on food other than no sugar cerals, chewing fully, eating slowly, and overall not being an embarassment at the table. We had balanced meals every night but could eat as many servings as we "needed".

They could eat whatever they wanted and my sister and I on the other hand, could not. They had to eventually (after they saw me take an interest in getting in shape) stop buying the junk because they knew it would not help me in the long run.

OMG!! I didn't even see this one!!!

Helps us make better decisions??

Unless you got a sleeve that jumps out of your stomach and slaps that crap out of your hands' date=' no it doesn't.

Yes when your in the first couple of months it's hard to eat anything. But get 6 months out? All bets are off! And quite frankly it's easier to eat junk (slider) foods because they go down so easy and you don't get discomfort from them.

So you can easily eat around the sleeve.

Yes do check out the vets posts sometime..[/quote']

Well...most people succeed with the sleeve. Most do not without it. Of course I did not mean the sleeve has a brain. Seriously? Whether you are 2 weeks out 6 months or three years...the majority of people have made better decisions and are healthier than before the sleeve. Of course slider foods are easy and of course you can fail with the sleeve. Of course you have to do the work. What we all know is that we would all not be any better off without the sleeve. The sleeve saved most of our lives combined with smart eating and education. What I know is that programs like ww works. I have done it 15 times. However. ..no of us would be here if the solution was as easy as following a ww plan. This young girl is in the same boat. Yes...you can let her struggle with diets and eating right until she is 18. How many times did someone tell u how to eat? Its not that easy. So...no I don't think the sleeve has a brain. Common sense would tell you that. I do know that thousands of people have been successful. ..no matter how hard the work is.

I also want to add that me and my two brothers who are also obese graduated from Cy-Springs, a highschool in Cypress Texas and were never bullied.

She will be going to Cy-Springs

Well...most people succeed with the sleeve. Most do not without it. Of course I did not mean the sleeve has a brain. Seriously? Whether you are 2 weeks out 6 months or three years...the majority of people have made better decisions and are healthier than before the sleeve. Of course slider foods are easy and of course you can fail with the sleeve. Of course you have to do the work. What we all know is that we would all not be any better off without the sleeve. The sleeve saved most of our lives combined with smart eating and education. What I know is that programs like ww works. I have done it 15 times. However. ..no of us would be here if the solution was as easy as following a ww plan. This young girl is in the same boat. Yes...you can let her struggle with diets and eating right until she is 18. How many times did someone tell u how to eat? Its not that easy. So...no I don't think the sleeve has a brain. Common sense would tell you that. I do know that thousands of people have been successful. ..no matter how hard the work is.

Of course.... Of course....common sense, yes,

I wasn't insinuating that you thought the sleeve came with a brain

But the surgery does not automatically make your brain change, and we are talking about a child here that has not gone to a nutritionist yet or a therapist that deals in disordered eating.,,

It's kinda putting the cart before the horse so to speak.

And statistics for the sleeve success rate for losing and keeping it off? Not as rosy as I'd like them to be...

To the OP, you said something a few posts back about putting it off once before and you would do it again?? Does that mean that you would not do it if she doesn't??

I hope not because it would be so hard to have two of you recouping at once #1 and you can really pave the way for her and get an idea for what she will be in for afterwards? Is it guilt that you won't do it alone without her?

No, I plan on going August 10th regardless and she will be going with me as my support person.

I meant I have no problem pushing hers back.

I am taking this very seriously.

Monday she will be going to a place called Amerifit here in Houston. They are a diet center that sees kids. She will be seeing a doctor and nutritionist. They will be doing a COMPLETE bloodwork panel on her including metabolism, pre diabetes, thyroid, and much more. Maybe they will be able to help her.

She is already making plans with the money I will save if she doesn't have to have surgery. She is trying to convince me its a good idea to use it as a down payment for her a truck. How quickly they move on!!

I did ask her though which one was more important and she said weight loss. She said she doesn't care how she loses weight as long as it happens. And ahe knows no matter what it will be hard.

Also she is currently doing WW, like some have suggested, and it's not helping either.

I'm glad you are still going to go through with it.

I would hate for you to do the mother guilt thing that so many of us have done!

You can't truly know how the sleeve works until you've lived with it for awhile. But it might be good for her to see what it's like for mom.

And lol, yes kids move on at lighting speed!

"You gotta love em" the center sounds like a good start. I'm glad you are seeking other options and answers. Do they have therapists there I know I keep mentioning cognitive therapy but its really important I think and will go hand in hand with surgery or not.

You can go to Amerifit.com and look it up. They seem to have everything you could need for weight loss. Its tailored to everyones needs depending on their blood work and metabolism. It is actual doctors and not just former fat employees pushing their weight loss miracle pills.

You can go to Amerifit.com and look it up. They seem to have everything you could need for weight loss. Its tailored to everyones needs depending on their blood work and metabolism. It is actual doctors and not just former fat employees pushing their weight loss miracle pills.

I wasn't sure if you really wanted me to look it up or not, but I couldn't find it sorry, but it sounds promising.

I wish my Mom would have done that for me at 14. Go for it!

I couldn't agree more!! You are giving her a life she wouldn't have without the surgery. I can't think of a more loving gift from a mother to a daughter.

http://www.amerefit.com/?gclid=CM-e98qdzrgCFSgV7AodN1cArg

Oops..spelled it wrong

I didn't read all the comments so someone may have already said this....

I would do it because she will learn to eat healthy and learn portion control now while she is young. Things that we learn while we are young, especially habits, stick with us our entire lives. If she learns portion control now it will stick with her forever.

I would suggest that she prove to you that she is serious by learning to eat healthy now. She can be losing while you go through the surgery, then once she SEES what you have to endure and helps you while you to through this very difficult surgery then if she still wants to proceed and she has been successful in learning how to eat healthy then I would let her proceed.

Just to give you a little insight from someone who was overweight all of her life:

I will never forget the bullying (although I don't think they called it bullying back then), that I was on the receiving end of in high school. The day that the 'mean girl' started the entire bus chanting ' (insert my first and last name) IS A WHALE!' over and over for the entire 15 minute bus ride was probably the most horrifying day of my life. I was made fun of over and over again for my weight. I also had a cruel 'parental figure' who tried to 'fix' me with forcing me to eat hardly anything in front of my family, while I watched them all eat a normal dinner, because she just knew I would lose weight that way. I was made to eat gross salads while everyone else ate their regular dinner, I was forced to leave the table early so they could enjoy their dessert...in her mind, since I was the only overweight one, she needed to fix me because I was the embarrassment.

What this truly led me to (and please don't think that I am indicating that your daughter is doing the same thing, this is just MY experience) is that, yes, I was on every diet in the book, but when the cat was away, I was trying to sneak anything I could just to not feel hungry or as deprived as I was. When I was at my friends house, I was eating everything I could get my hands on because I knew I would go home and be starved again...and surprise, I never lost the weight.

Move forward to college...my first time out of the grip of the parental unit, and inside the world of pizza parties, late night Taco Bell runs, lets take a day trip to such and such place for fast food...you name it...that's what college students do...and it seemed Ike it was all the time...having a bag of chips and soda in the tv lounge, the 3 am donut calls, etc.

I'm prefacing my post with all of that to just say this...I can't imagine going through high school or college in a situation where it was pizza night, or a early morning doughnut run where I would have to follow the restrictive portions you need to eat after the sleeve. I can't imagine people not wondering what was wrong with me because I was only eating a cup and a half of food, and I can't possibly imagine what I would feel like sitting there while everyone else was doing this in front of me.

I'm not going to give you my opinion on whether or not you should let your daughter do this...I just want to give you a look at what my reality was and just put out there some of the things she might face on the other side. It's sometimes difficult for me to process the change I am making in my eating habits with my friends now and I am 41 years old..it's hard for us adults to process and change, I can't imagine the difficulty I would have faced as a teenager.

Again, this is just my experience, but it was my reality, and just something to keep in mind.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

I just think age 14 is too young for this type of surgery. It is permanent and cannot be reversed. One of the reasons you indicate for her to have the surgery is so she won't be made fun of in school. If the surgery is planned on August 10th, the school year start cannot be too far out from that date. She will be starting a new school, heavy since she won't have lost all the weight prior to starting school. She will be very early in the post op stage. She will most likely have to take her own meals to school to get what she needs,

Have you gone to a weigh loss seminar near you and asked one of the doctors there what their thoughts were on performing wls on adolescents? Even if you don't have ins. coverage for the procedure, the seminars are free and you can get information. Your daughter is still growing and in puberty. Most insurance companies in the U.S. have a restriction of age 18 to have the surgery. She will need to be mentally prepared and stick to this way of life permanently to have the best results. I myself look to when I was 14 and do not feel I would have been emotionally mature enough to handle the surgery and post-surgery.

I would look into counseling for her and have you had medical tests performed to see if it is related to her thyroid and maybe medicine can help with that?

My opinion is that you wait for her and check into some other things before she has the surgery. In the meantime, as others suggest you can have the surgery and she can see from your experiences if she still wants this. It will also make you more aware on what she will need to be successful when and if she has the surgery.

I think your mind is made up so don't let anyone here sway you other than your team of medical professionals. My only concern is it being out of the country and trying to find follow up. I don't agree with you letting her wait another 5 or 10 years until she is really fat and has diabetes and other conditions. Its not like she's 20 pounds overweight. Once you reach 100 pounds overweight the rate for diet modification longterm success is about 2 percent. Listen to your mothers instinct. You will know what to do.