I need Advice!

[wannabaloser 59]

Wow, I honestly did not know this question would cause such an outpouring.

I talked to 3 other people who had this surgery before and they said it was a good idea. I knew there would be a few against but not so many.

My main concern is her going to school and trying to maintain this. I know it will be very hard.

Our original plan was for her to follow my diet to the T. Then I decided to check on if ither kids had done surgery. I found they had and did great so I figured shw could.

My first thought was the lapband since it is reversible but I hear of so many complications from it that it scared me more than this.

You have given me alot to think about.

It will break her heart to not get to go but she will get over it, probably, if that's what we decide.

[wannabaloser 59]

Sarsar,

Thank you for your help.

My daughter has gone to a close knit country school her whole life. She has never been bullied. This year we moved and she will go to a large school with 100,000 students outside of Houston.

It's going to be a MAJOR change!!

She is a smart girl and she knows bullying happens especially when you are bigger or different in any way. She i. Terrified of being bullied over it. She said no one ever did it to her face at her old school but she said they probably talked about her behind her back. My kids have been taught that under no circumstance are they to ever make fun of someone but unfortunately other kids haven't or just don't care.

Another reason I am leaning toward surgery is because she has been caught faking who she is online. I don't want her to go through life lying about who she is because she is ashamed of the real her.

Also we have all heard about girls becoming promiscuous because they thought no one would like them if they weren't. I would do anything to keep her from doing that.

[Ahealthyme2013 39]

Just my opinion, but I would wait on sleeve f your daughter. This is something that cannot be taken back and she may not be able to deal with the consequences of the decision made. She wants the surgery because she doesn't want to be made fun on, which is totally understandable. I felt the same way as an obese 14 yr old. I would take the next few years to get her physically active in something she likes. Maybe private lessons like tennis or swimming so she doesn't have to worry about what others think. That coupled with clean eating should make a difference as children lose quicker than adults. She only has a few years before she is an adult and can make her own educated decision to alter life forever. Good luck to you. You are a wonderful parent to be even willing to do such a drastic thing for her happiness, but I personally would wait.

[lsereno 2,525]

Hi, I'm a little late to the party, but I think it's a good idea to not be sleeved at the same time. Don't say no to daughter, just not now. If you get yours this year and plan hers for beginning of summer next year it gives time to:

Allow you to heal, get to goal weight or close and time for your sleeve to mature so you have a better idea of long term issues - First hand.

Allow her to prep for surgery by getting medical tests done, monitoring these forums, trying Protein drinks, taking Vitamins, meeting with a counselor who specializes in disordered eating, and seeking out other teens who have had the surgery.

Gives her a full summer to heal before starting school in the fall.

Lynda

[LI Gemini NY 607]

How will your daughter feel about you if you say "not now" to her (which means no to a kid) and you proceed with your surgery?

[No game 14,436]

How will your daughter feel about you if you say "not now" to her (which means no to a kid) and you proceed with your surgery?

I imagine she will be mad! Just like my daughter is when I say "no" or "not now"...But at the end of the day I am the mother and she knows I make my decisions with her best interest in mind.

And I might add, she has come to me more than once saying "I know you are right mom"....

My word, that's why they are not on their own yet. They should not be making choices that have life long consequences (like having babies) at this age.

And speaking to doing it out of a perceived fear of her becoming promiscuous?

Facebook and online in general can be a dangerous place where girls and boys lie about themselves. This is an area where firm rules should be put in place.

My daughter just now was allowed a Facebook account (she's 17) and trust me I have full clearance.

Teach her to be strong and to love herself...

[wannabaloser 59]

My daughter will be devastated if I say no.

She already has a plane ticket so she will be my companion regardless.

My daughter lost a toe and a portion of the top of her foot when she was 8 due to my mom n law letting her play with a lawnmower. She already feels different due to that. I hate that she has her weight to worry about as well.

I can't do anything about her foot but her weight is something that can be, hopefully, changed.

We are having a conversation right now about all the points people have brought up.

[LI Gemini NY 607]

I imagine she will be mad! Just like my daughter is when I say "no" or "not now"...But at the end of the day I am the mother and she knows I make my decisions with her best interest in mind.

And I might add' date=' she has come to me more than once saying "I know you are right mom"....

My word, that's why they are not on their own yet. They should not be making choices that have life long consequences (like having babies) at this age.

And speaking to doing it out of a perceived fear of her becoming promiscuous?

Facebook and online in general can be a dangerous place where girls and boys lie about themselves. This is an area where firm rules should be put in place.

My daughter just now was allowed a Facebook account (she's 17) and trust me I have full clearance.

Teach her to be strong and to love herself...

[/quote']

Of course she'd be mad but I'm curious to know what the mom thinks the kid would feel about her mother if her mother is saying no you can't do it now but I will do it now.

Idk if this was planned out properly. It seems like it was all rushed.

[No game 14,436]

My daughter will be devastated if I say no.

She already has a plane ticket so she will be my companion regardless.

My daughter lost a toe and a portion of the top of her foot when she was 8 due to my mom n law letting her play with a lawnmower. She already feels different due to that. I hate that she has her weight to worry about as well.

I can't do anything about her foot but her weight is something that can be' date=' hopefully, changed.

We are having a conversation right now about all the points people have brought up.[/quote']

I get that you want to save her from every heartache you can... I want to do the same for my children, my son has a neurological disorder,

Let me tell you he is beautiful, he is gifted and is in advanced classes at his middle school. But even though he has these wonderful things going for him he gets made fun of sometimes by assholes. I get pissed and want to go to school and kick some butt somedays. But I teach him to love himself and his differences and look to why some kids do this, do they have issues? A less than stellar home life? I have to teach him to cope because I would be stunting him if I swooped in and "fixed" everything..

I must say I even thought I would home school him at one point.. But he has to be out in life with other people... at least at school. Because if he were to hide it would only be harder for him when he gets older..

[LI Gemini NY 607]

Wait, some one allowed a kid to play with a lawn mower?!?!?!

Edit: I'm just going to go lay down now, I must be more tired than I think

[deedadumble 1,033]

I get that you want to save her from every heartache you can... I want to do the same for my children' date=' my son has a neurological disorder,

Let me tell you he is beautiful, he is gifted and is in advanced classes at his middle school. But even though he has these wonderful things going for him he gets made fun of sometimes by assholes. I get pissed and want to go to school and kick some butt somedays. But I teach him to love himself and his differences and look to why some kids do this, do they have issues? A less than stellar home life? I have to teach him to cope because I would be stunting him if I swooped in and "fixed" everything..

I must say I even thought I would home school him at one point.. But he has to be out in life with other people... at least at school. Because if he were to hide it would only be harder for him when he gets older..[/quote']

Amen to that! I think you would like this site Laura: http://www.freerangekids.com/

[Snufflegus 80]

I just have to put in some personal experience, I was sleeved 2 months ago. I am 25, was 24 when I got sleeved and made my decision. I remember being in 6th grade wearing a 2xl shirt, although I am 6 foot tall now and was probably 5'10" then. I have always been a large girl. But I always loved myself and didnt let what other people thought of me affect me. I was involved in what I loved and was physically active. Now 10 years ago my mom had RNY and I was with her during her surgery process, back then it was a very big newly accepted surgery. My dad had RNY 4 years ago. Both are doing well at goal and maintaining. In 2006 my mom was so concerned with my happiness (finding love, finding a job etc) she offered to pay out of pocket for my surgery if I would agree to it. Mind you I was a freshman in college and I can not honestly say that I had given it my all to try and lose weight. Eating and good addiction was my families mo. I said no thank you I can do this by myself. I tried very hard in college and right after graduation I went through almost every prescription diet plan there is. Still never had an issue with weight, if you didn't like me I'm sorry was my attitude and my logic in college and still stands true is if you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you (romantically). I graduated in may 2010, moved away from home in with my fiancé and got a good job. We got married and during this time I didn't gain or lose weight despite the many shake and low calorie, high Protein, low carb plans I was on. I decided I wanted to see a personal trainer and loved it!! Was confident in his plan workout and meal wise, cut out everything that was processed worked out 6 days a week weight training 4 and cardio 2....busting my butt an did have some major body composition changes, BUT only lost around 25lbs in 6 months. 6 months prior to this I had joined VST, exactly 1 year from joining VST I sat in my surgeons office for my initial consult. I had finally given it my all my 110% and realized that there is something holding my weight on that is bigger than I can control with mind over matter without some additional help. I looked over all my research and decide on VSG. This all 6 years after I turned down surgery because I was not mental nor physically prepared for it.

I see you say she is excited, but at 14 my body was not finished growing and developing, it makes me question if it will affect her even more being this restricted through high school. Although one of my friends on VST LJ was 17 when he was sleeved.

My long drawn out story, but at 14 seeing my mom go through RNY, if she would have offered back then to pay for it, I wouldn't have done it then either....

[kjing9419 5]

Why dont you get it done, see the emotional toll it could take, head hunger, stuck on certain fiods for a long time.... Its a big change to your mind and body... After your surgery have her eat the way you do... Every thing every day... See if she can really handle it....also with a therapist.... If she does well revisit the idea in 1 year....healing from the surgery alone is serious and hard to know if you have a leak... I had a leak and for 2 months all drs coughed it up to a weak stomach while I heal.. Not every ones story but its mine... When I wound up intubated from what every one thought was dehydration and was just thrown on IV fluids once a week wasnt the case at all... All and all its a big change to your body and mentally... I still think you should experience it all first even with no leaks... Put her on your diet see a therapist and hold off to see the experience

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Sheesh.. What a question and dilemma. My daughters, who are olderthan yours, let me do the surgery first so they could watch and learn from me. We all had/have the lapband and we didn't want to experience a failed wls again so they're letting me be the guinea pig. I'm happy to do so and be the example of how well it can go. Of course they're surgery and recovery may not be a easy as mine, but the journey can be. It's not always easy and as a matter of fact, if your frame of mind isn't set right you're most likely to fail. My mind set is not a diet it's eat right and be active. It will be a part of my life forever

I have done everything in my power to show them that my lifestyle has changed in order to succeed and maintain a healthy weight. Maybe .. They're my true inspiration because I want them to be as happy and successful and healthy as I am again.

I know how much you want your daughter to be happy.. Trust me, I do. But, I can't advise you on what you asked. Because I don't know the answers. Its heartbreaking having to watch our child emotionally hurt. All I know is, if it was 15 years ago I would be in the same situation with my girls and I would probably do what im doing now and have the surgery first and go from there.

Good luck and I pray for your guidance.

[wannabaloser 59]

We are talking about all this right now and ahe has admitted she is worried about how to do the work at school.

She doesn't want to wait til school gets out so she is asking to do home school for a few months til she heals and gets used to everything.

She did home school last year after we moved and it was a disaster. She needs the social aspect of school. If she cannot handle the issues of working the diet at school then she may have to wait until June.

She will probably get the surgery anyway, unless she loses weight doing the diet with me, but it may be put off until then. I am going to the school tomorrow to talk to the nurse and find out if she thinks she could handle the diet while at school.