I need Advice!

[bigsleeve56 266]

You guys crack me up you post on here how diet never works and you tried every diet known and now the sleve is best ever. Then you tell this lady put your kid on a diet. A young person would probably adapt to this life style way better than we do because they have not practised being bad as long as we have. This is one of those things a mother probable knows best. I would think hard about the same time though in case there is a problem.

[TwinsMama 483]

She wants the surgery very badly.

I explain the details daily. I also made her download this board on her phone and she has to read posts everyday on it. She is made to keep a food journal and use myfitnesspal.

She knows the good, bad, and ugly. She knows she will change alot of things with the surgery and she says she is okay with that. Of course, we all say we are ready, even adults, but its different when its over and done with.

Our insurance doesn't cover this so we are self pay and don't have to go for a psych evaluation. We have found other kids who did it at her age.

One of the Doctors in Mexico even did a 12 year old. And they all seem to be doing great.

As someone who was an active teen and still always considered overweight, I would think of course she want surgery to be thin. But is she looking at her health? I ask that because when I was a young teenager and knew I'd be going to HS (different state than where I grew up), I didn't want to be teased for my weight so I woke up early every AM and worked out.

No one had to tell me too. I also decided to research (before PCs) and changed my eating habits. I did this on my own with no help from my parents (both naturally thin and fit people). I had to take all the initiative and go the course alone, although they did encourage my changes.

It was rough! To not eat bad things when my friends did, to not sleep in when my friends got to, etc. Still I did this and wound up needing surgery over 20 years later. Surgery won't fix what emotionally, mentally, etc. makes your daughter overeat.

I so (esp as a Mom) get what you are trying to do for your daughter. However, I think an option would be to have your surgery, see how it goes, and let your daughter see first hand what life is like post-op. Then if she still wants it and has proven she can handle all the changes (by working out daily, changing her eating habit, etc.), for at least a year then she can have it.

As Moms, our jobs are not to always fix our kids but help them with the tools to do the hard work themselves. Let her start changing her lifestyle and then if she still needs the extra tool of surgery, she can have it in a few years.

My fear for her is that she is not finished developing and that she has not gotten to see day in and day out what this decision really means. My fear for you is that you will regret buying her this surgery if she ends up not keeping up with the very real health maintenance requirements needed.

Also, and this is just a thought, are you wanting this for her so you have a sleeve buddy? I'm not judging but it is something to think about and consider.

Either way, I think you're an awesome Mom for wanting to help your daughter in such an extreme and loving way!

[wannabaloser 59]

I know she will have to work harder to get in her Protein and food than we do because of school but I think she would adapt better than us as well.

As far as diets they don't work and we all know it. Even the doctors she has seen have told us that. They said the only thing that works consistently is WLS. Not to say thats what they are suggesting for her especially since I don't think she can get it as a minor in the US.

I have a book about the surgery and she is having to read it right now. I am also making her watch a video of the surgery and we are going to watch videos of people who had bad experiences. We have been watching videos but only the good ones so now she can see the bad side to it as well.

[glostaff 40]

Lots of good advice before me. I am wondering one thing though? Why Mexico? I am not against going to Mexico for WLS but I don't understand why leave the country when it is so readily available closer to us? That said, I feel for you and your daughter. I understand how obesity is inherited. Yes you daughter can commit to an exercise and diet regimen and at her young age, lose a lot of baby fat. But she will struggle for the rest of her life. I personally do not see how age has anything to do with the decision to have WLS or not. I have twins who are 13 1/2 years old. Thankfully, they both have great metabolisms and are very active, but I think if I were in your shoes, I would definitely be thinking surgery. Especially if she is willing and understands what she will be changing in her life. for some reason your post really touched my heart, I guess because I was overweight when I was 12 (not as big as your daughter but enough to be miserable.) I lost the weight until I hit my late 20's then guess what? 20 years later, I had the sleeve and am losing and happy! Please be sure you daughter understands that things like Ice cream and soda will not be as restrictive on the sleeve because they don't fill you up like solids do. That is an easy way to sabotage weight loss. (had a friend with lab band who ate ice cream all the time and couldn't understand why the stall????) Anyway, God bless you and your daughter. I will pray for the right decision for both of you to come to you. Good Luck to you on your surgery also!

[leeann71 539]

What does her doctor or (peditrition) think about her having this surgery? Do they even allow 14yr olds to have this type of surgery hear in the US? I think you as a mom need to take a step back and reall consider what you are teaching your daughter. You need to make sure you have done every diet every weightloss attempt and then maybe when she is older talk about this procedure with her. I am really upset that you are considering giving her an elective surgery like this that could possibly harm her while being on the operating table or afterwards with some life threatening complications. Enroll her in Weight Watchers find a fitness camp something other than putting her life in danger. She is only 14, how do you know when she is older she wont resent you for allowing her to do this? You are the mom do what is truly best for her, get her some help through counseling and find out why she has gained and is gaining weight before you put your daughters life at risk by having an elective surgery.

Im walking away from this now! My emotions on this are horrified, I would never put my daughters or son in harms way. We are subpose to protect them!

[wannabaloser 59]

Lots of good advice before me. I am wondering one thing though? Why Mexico? I am not against going to Mexico for WLS but I don't understand why leave the country when it is so readily available closer to us? That said, I feel for you and your daughter. I understand how obesity is inherited. Yes you daughter can commit to an exercise and diet regimen and at her young age, lose a lot of baby fat. But she will struggle for the rest of her life. I personally do not see how age has anything to do with the decision to have WLS or not. I have twins who are 13 1/2 years old. Thankfully, they both have great metabolisms and are very active, but I think if I were in your shoes, I would definitely be thinking surgery. Especially if she is willing and understands what she will be changing in her life. for some reason your post really touched my heart, I guess because I was overweight when I was 12 (not as big as your daughter but enough to be miserable.) I lost the weight until I hit my late 20's then guess what? 20 years later, I had the sleeve and am losing and happy! Please be sure you daughter understands that things like Ice cream and soda will not be as restrictive on the sleeve because they don't fill you up like solids do. That is an easy way to sabotage weight loss. (had a friend with lab band who ate ice cream all the time and couldn't understand why the stall????) Anyway, God bless you and your daughter. I will pray for the right decision for both of you to come to you. Good Luck to you on your surgery also!

We are going to Mexico because my insurance doesn't cover WLS and the price is so much less there but you get just as good care.

We have 3 kids, there is no way we can afford $20,000 just for my surgery.

Believe me I was terrified of going to Mexico but I researchedit for 2 years before I decided it was safe.

[glostaff 40]

Everyone that is suggesting the daughter follow the diet along with the mother after her surgery........really???????? Does anyone actually think that an overweight person can just stop eating all together? Hey what a novel idea. Then there would be no need for WLS because nobody would be overweight. Let's just get everybody to stop eating regular meals and eat 3-4 ounces at meal times and no snacking! Not to be sarcastic here but what is that idea but just another diet? As for school lunches, pack her a lunch! No big deal. Okay, sorry, got that out of my system.

[No game 14,436]

Everyone that is suggesting the daughter follow the diet along with the mother after her surgery........really???????? Does anyone actually think that an overweight person can just stop eating all together? Hey what a novel idea. Then there would be no need for WLS because nobody would be overweight. Let's just get everybody to stop eating regular meals and eat 3-4 ounces at meal times and no snacking! Not to be sarcastic here but what is that idea but just another diet? As for school lunches' date=' pack her a lunch! No big deal. Okay, sorry, got that out of my system.[/quote']

Well.. I am not one of the ones that suggested that the daughter follow the same post op diet as the mother..

I feel the child is to young and still developing..

This surgery is major and relatively new..

But I do think she can benefit from her mothers surgery, change of lifestyle and shopping/eating habits...

[kwigillingok 177]

Sarsar,

Another reason I am leaning toward surgery is because she has been caught faking who she is online. I don't want her to go through life lying about who she is because she is ashamed of the real her.

There has to be more behind that than just her weight.

I was lucky, I have been fat my entire life but I can not think of one single time that I've been made fun of because of my weight. Any time that I've felt "less than" for being fat has been my own doing. I do know what its like to grow up as a fat teenager though, and I know what its like to not fit in. I also know what its like to be a mother to a teenage daughter. Its not an easy job....

As mothers we want to make life easier for our children than it was for us, and to help them avoid pain whenever possible. My fear with you allowing your daughter to have this surgery at such a young age, is that she will still be going through puberty (where bodies change almost daily) and still growing and not having the necessary nutrients to support healthy bone growth.

If she runs into kids she knew while fat and all of the sudden she's liked by these kids she's going to equate her self worth to her weight loss and that's a very slippery slope.

I wish you luck

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,145]

I agree 14 is too young.

Especially when you don't even know what you're in for postop. You know what you've heard or read but that doesn't take the place of real experience.

[clk 3,519]

You guys crack me up you post on here how diet never works and you tried every diet known and now the sleve is best ever. Then you tell this lady put your kid on a diet. A young person would probably adapt to this life style way better than we do because they have not practised being bad as long as we have. This is one of those things a mother probable knows best. I would think hard about the same time though in case there is a problem.

Everyone that is suggesting the daughter follow the diet along with the mother after her surgery........really???????? Does anyone actually think that an overweight person can just stop eating all together? Hey what a novel idea. Then there would be no need for WLS because nobody would be overweight. Let's just get everybody to stop eating regular meals and eat 3-4 ounces at meal times and no snacking! Not to be sarcastic here but what is that idea but just another diet? As for school lunches, pack her a lunch! No big deal. Okay, sorry, got that out of my system.

Really? If she's never once even tried to adhere to a strict diet, NOT ONCE, should her first try REALLY be the time that messing up can cause complications or leaks?!

Do you even have teenagers? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get them to listen? The best way to teach a child is to SHOW a child. Do I think diets are the way to long term successful weight loss? No way. But I do think that learning rules and following them is critical for long term maintenance, even with a sleeve.

And I'm against voluntarily slicing a major organ out of a child - one who isn't even fully developed yet - because she wants to be pretty and popular and fit in. Do you even realize how that encourages her (as I said before) to place the number one importance on shallow and fading traits like physical beauty and size? As a woman, as a mother (and yes, as the mother of an obese little girl myself) I want my daughters to REBEL against society's idea that we can only love ourselves if we look like everyone else. What's next? If she isn't naturally beautiful with a perfect nose do we sign her up for rhinoplasty? So yeah, I view a diet (though not necessarily following along with mom's) as the first step here.

Hell, even insurance will not pay for the surgery on most people without a trip to the nutritionist, psychologist and a proven history of attempting to lose the weight. There is a small percentage of people that do manage to lose weight and keep it off through diet and exercise. Why should the first attempt be a major, life-changing and absolutely irreversible surgery? One, I might add, with a very small complication rate but when complications occur they are SERIOUS and LIFE-THREATENING.

My opinion? OP had her mind made up before posting. At the very least, we've offered other points of view and given her things to think on and watch for. I can tell you, as an experienced parent myself, that there is no way to make your children happy all the time. You cannot fix everything for them. By doing so you rob them of the chance to develop themselves. Do I wish I could just swoop in and fix my stepkids? Amen to that. But I cannot. I think that you're going to fix an immediate issue your daughter has: her insecurity about her weight and her size.

You will not be "curing" or "fixing" anything else, and I am afraid you will see the repercussions of this choice down the line. I stand by my earlier post - I really feel that the biggest thing you can do for her is teach her by example, to work on herself and her body second. We have dozens and dozens of skinny women hating themselves on these boards, many of them not able to find happy relationships and many of them still having all the same issues they had prior to their surgery when it comes to dealing with other people and loving themselves. Why? Surgery does one thing: it makes losing weight easier. There's a lot more to being a good person, to being a happy person, than your size.

Good luck, OP. I hope that you at least take the many, many warnings here to heart and keep an eye out. I have a very troubled teenager with serious emotional and body image problems. I have done everything over the years to help her and make the path easier for her, and it took six years to finally see that all we were doing was robbing her of the chance to learn how to cope. Because all that work, and money, and effort didn't save her or make her better or make her love herself, and her four parents sweeping in to clean up the path and make it easy for her didn't make her happy like she thought it would.

Counseling is still the number one thing I recommend - and I recommend it for the long haul, not just temporarily. Give her the tools to make the sleeve work and deal with the emotional aspects, at least, if you're determined to do this now.

~Cheri

[christieouchley 55]

I am a future Mexico self pay sleever.

I was originally scheduled for March 9th but had to reschedule. I got extremely sick and the doctor's could not find anything wrong. I did not want to go through surgery not knowing why I was hurting and sick. I rescheduled my surgery for July 27th.

In the meantime I started thinking and worrying more and more about my daughter's weight. She is 14 and been overweight for 2 years. She is 5`3 and weighs 248. She has tried to diet and exercise but has a very hard time losing weight. The doctors can't find anything to stop her from losing medically.

She is starting a new school, in a new city this year after going to the same school her whole life. She is terrified of being made fun of. I also don't want her to deal with all the side effects of being overweight. I know I don't have to list the side effects on here, just think of your own personal experiences.

About a month ago I contacted my doctor, Dr. Garcia, and sent him her medical info. He accepted her for surgery even though she is very young. I changed our dates to August 10th, paid her deposit, and booked the flights for us.

Now, I am having second thoughts. I am terrified of taking my young daughter to another country for surgery. I don't know if I am being pro-active and stopping this before it gets out of hand or letting her give up on losing weight on her own. Then I start thinking that her life has barely started and I am forever altering her. My mind is just racing with thoughts.

She is very excited about the surgery though.

I need some advice from people who have had surgery, from parents, or anyone else who wants to respond.

I say do it! Thats when my struggles really started, my first diet was at to loose lb. I never stopped loosing/gaining since. This surgery has been the only thing that has truly made a difference in me. Since your getting it done too you could really establishe a new healthy lifestyle for you both. Shes so young she could really relearn how to cope in other ways not with food. What a great support system for each other. What a bond you two will have, eating healthier, and exercising together.

[TwinsMama 483]

Wow, I honestly did not know this question would cause such an outpouring.

I talked to 3 other people who had this surgery before and they said it was a good idea. I knew there would be a few against but not so many.

My main concern is her going to school and trying to maintain this. I know it will be very hard.

Our original plan was for her to follow my diet to the T. Then I decided to check on if ither kids had done surgery. I found they had and did great so I figured shw could.

My first thought was the lapband since it is reversible but I hear of so many complications from it that it scared me more than this.

You have given me alot to think about.

It will break her heart to not get to go but she will get over it, probably, if that's what we decide.

One thing I hear a lot of pre-ops say is that someone had surgery and had great results. I get this thinking and I thought this way too. But what I noticed (as someone who had complications) is that Drs and other WLS advocates don't promote/post/share those stories of those of us who had complications.

They'll post the pictures (years out) of people who lost huge amounts of weight. While failing to mention but Jane also had a leak, stricture, and was on bedrest for 10 months. Why? Because none of us would get the surgery.

Be careful with the thought process that because so and so was successful/had it easy, your daughter will too. I'm not trying to beat a dead horse (and haven't read all the comments) but just know, none of us thought we'd be the 1% complication. However, it does happen and can happen to any of us.

[TwinsMama 483]

Of course she'd be mad but I'm curious to know what the mom thinks the kid would feel about her mother if her mother is saying no you can't do it now but I will do it now.

Idk if this was planned out properly. It seems like it was all rushed.

Here's the thing...I have never cared if my kids were mad because I told them no to something that I know is not in their best interest. Maybe that makes me a tough Mom, but that's how I was raised and I could not be more proud/honored/thankful to have a Mom who was Mom first and not trying to be a friend.

Not saying the OP is trying to be a friend, but I believe as parents it is our job to have the boundaries our children seem to think are unnecessary. I totally agree with you that this seems rushed. This could have been avoided with a bit more talk first and then action.

I feel for the OP because she is really worried about her child.

[TwinsMama 483]

I just have to put in some personal experience, I was sleeved 2 months ago. I am 25, was 24 when I got sleeved and made my decision. I remember being in 6th grade wearing a 2xl shirt, although I am 6 foot tall now and was probably 5'10" then. I have always been a large girl. But I always loved myself and didnt let what other people thought of me affect me. I was involved in what I loved and was physically active. Now 10 years ago my mom had RNY and I was with her during her surgery process, back then it was a very big newly accepted surgery. My dad had RNY 4 years ago. Both are doing well at goal and maintaining. In 2006 my mom was so concerned with my happiness (finding love, finding a job etc) she offered to pay out of pocket for my surgery if I would agree to it. Mind you I was a freshman in college and I can not honestly say that I had given it my all to try and lose weight. Eating and good addiction was my families mo. I said no thank you I can do this by myself. I tried very hard in college and right after graduation I went through almost every prescription diet plan there is. Still never had an issue with weight, if you didn't like me I'm sorry was my attitude and my logic in college and still stands true is if you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you (romantically). I graduated in may 2010, moved away from home in with my fiancé and got a good job. We got married and during this time I didn't gain or lose weight despite the many shake and low calorie, high Protein, low carb plans I was on. I decided I wanted to see a personal trainer and loved it!! Was confident in his plan workout and meal wise, cut out everything that was processed worked out 6 days a week weight training 4 and cardio 2....busting my butt an did have some major body composition changes, BUT only lost around 25lbs in 6 months. 6 months prior to this I had joined VST, exactly 1 year from joining VST I sat in my surgeons office for my initial consult. I had finally given it my all my 110% and realized that there is something holding my weight on that is bigger than I can control with mind over matter without some additional help. I looked over all my research and decide on VSG. This all 6 years after I turned down surgery because I was not mental nor physically prepared for it.

I see you say she is excited, but at 14 my body was not finished growing and developing, it makes me question if it will affect her even more being this restricted through high school. Although one of my friends on VST LJ was 17 when he was sleeved.

My long drawn out story, but at 14 seeing my mom go through RNY, if she would have offered back then to pay for it, I wouldn't have done it then either....

I love this post because it so sums up myself in so many ways! I'm tall too and back when I was young people used the big to mean "tall". So even when I wasn't (looking back) that big, I heard how big I was my whole life.

Like you, I didn't stop growing either until I was 18. I grew 2 inches the summer between HS and freshman year in college. So doing this at 14 would have messed me up.

I guess I'm just really passionate about this topic because one I had complications and two because I believe every girl/woman should be taught to love themself regardless of weight/size/etc. I've never had problems making friends because I was taught to be content by myself so anyone extra was a bonus.

I have never had low self-esteem and my reasons to sleeve were purely health related (terrified of getting co-morbs down the line and loss of energy). I opt for the OP to work on her daughters mental before the physical!