A mother daughter thing

[determined1103 22]

I am a 41 year old mother of two beautiful girls. My family calls them Teenie and Tot, because they are 17 & 3. I have the best of both world's. . I love them to pieces. My teenie and I both decided to get sleeved. However because my daughter is a teenager, insurance said she have to do a six month diet plan. My big day is scheduled for 8/5. I got the call on Thursday. Since then my daughter have become very jealous. We have not told many people and the few we have told really don't understand our struggle. We were suppose to be each others rock. Every since the call she gets very upset, disappointed, short and negative every time I mention anything about the surgery without her saying things like "whatever ". I can't even get excited about the big day. I understand her frustration but at the same time I would never treat her like this. I've tried everything I can do to console her. I'm frustrated, nervous and need some support. I wish I had someone to get excited with me. I was getting cold feet and did not expect my insurance to approve me so fast. My Dr submitted my claim on Tuesday, I was approved on Thursday. Everything is going so fast. I pray to God that everything goes well. I hope my support team steps up to the plate. This is really frustrating because it feels like no one cares. This really hurts because I will give my life for my girls. They are the reason for this, so I can live longer for them. I give so much and it seems I get little in return. Please pray for me.

Determined1103

[rickyswife 41]

Wow she is so very young to be getting a sleeve. Teenagers can be that way..... so can adults.... all in all in the end if she does get sleeved and you have gone before her you will be her rock..... you will pave the way. I am glad she will be going through the classes and wish I could have had them.

[No game 14,436]

I have a 17 year old daughter... And what can I say, it's a selfish age. You are expecting something that she is not emotionally mature enough to give. Put that with the frustration I'm sure she feels because you are having it first??

Perfect storm! 17 year olds want everything now! Now! Now!!

I know that knowing these things doesn't necessarily make it easier for you though...

Don't stop what you are doing. Tell her you know how she feels, and you are not going to leave her behind. But you will need her help when you are recovering, and after you heal, you will be there to help her after she gets her surgery.

Don't expect this conversation to go well.. But know that she will be listening and have faith that she will come through when you need her.

[joatsaint 2,814]

It can be a good thing, not having the surgery at the same time. There was a thread a few weeks ago, where a mother/daughter was planning to get sleeved together but there was a delay and only one of them was sleeved.

And there were complications after the surgery. It was a good thing they weren't sleeved together, when things went wrong the other one was there for support.

[liteNsun 58]

My identical twin sis always did everything before me, even having WLS. She knew all the times of opportunity and the pitfalls of poor expectations. She was a wealth of information for me when I needed it. This is God's plan. I am so grateful for her taking the first ride and making it sooooo much less bumpy for me. THIS IS A GOOD THING. My best to both of you.

[clk 3,519]

Great insightful post by Laura. In this, as in most things, you'll get to experience it first and guide her through. You'll know what she should expect and be better able to help her navigate her life post op.

And yes, teens want things now. She's resentful that a hurdle was placed in front of her that wasn't placed in front of you. A six month plan is a good requirement, especially at her age. And six months can seem like an eternity (especially when you're all of seventeen) but it will pass very quickly. Before you know it she'll be on the other side and all of this will be forgotten.

Good luck - and while it's moving quickly for you it could have been the other way around - some folks here have a year long process to get approved!

~Cheri

[determined1103 22]

Thx sooooo much guys for all the support and insight. I plan on using some of your supportive words when the time is right. We have been through so much and I'm sure this to shall past. I told my Mom and she seemed to be happy for me but a little concerned for my daughter. I am very confident that we have made the right decision. Her doctors are very supportive. It's amazing how different our programs are but yet the same.

[TES 858]

I need to call my mom and apologize for being a selfish teenager. In fact, we probably all should.

I would tell your daughter that you are doing this in large part for her, so that you can live a long life and be around for her and maybe her kids if she decides to have them. Let her know that it may be better if you aren't both recovering from surgery at once. She should be grateful that she can get the surgery at all--many people aren't covered by insurance. The 6 months also can really help you mentally prepare and she also can get a jump start on her weight loss now. Hopefully you can walk together and eat healthfully together before and after your surgery and she'll be that much ahead when she has hers. Sending you good thoughts!